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#203071 - 05/12/13 01:35 PM [User Showcase] If Today ... was your Last Day
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
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Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
http://www.reverbnation.com/kaynemusic/song/17278459-if-today

IF TODAY

If today was my last day what would I do
Would race fast cars or climb a mountain
Would I go to work or meditate about my life
Or simply spend the day holding hands with you

If today was my last day what could I do
Would I pace myself or run a marathon
Would I try to do all the things I haven’t done
Or simply spend the day holding hands with you

If today was my last day on earth
If I should never see you again

Before I lay my head down for the long sleep
(I would to breathe my breath with your kiss on my lips)
I would spend my last day with you

If today was my last day what would I do
Would swim with sharks or smell a flower
Would I parachute jump to complete my bucket list
Or simply spend the day and watch the sunset with you

On the day of my last day what you should do
don’t you shed a tear please have a celebration
invite all the ones I I’ve touched with my life
and simply spend the day holding them close to you
and simply spend the day holding me close to you


copyright Kayne Music BMI 2013


Edited by Elliott Kayne (05/13/13 08:27 PM)

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#203235 - 05/14/13 07:45 AM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Hi Elliott,

This is wonderful. There's a great deal to like about "If Today". I love the arrangement, the melody, the presentation. What stood out to me most of all, though, were the lyrics and the axxa rhyme scheme in the A-sections. As far rhyme schemes go, this is about as unstable as they come and I thought it was an absolutely perfect fit for the emotion you wanted to express in the song. I've tried axxa and have found it very difficult to make the rhyme scheme work but, in my opinion, you have shown how to do it magnificently!

Great stuff!
Noel


Edited by Noel96 (05/14/13 02:44 PM)
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#203254 - 05/14/13 12:15 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Elliot,

what thoughtful lyrics.
Nice arrangement and presentation.
A pleasant listen.

Guenter
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#203283 - 05/14/13 05:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 10824
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 10824
Loc: GA USA
That tune will definitely put you in a long contemplative mood.
Thanks for sharing!
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#203295 - 05/14/13 07:17 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
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Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
very interesting comment about the axxa rhyme scheme. I would like to say I did that on purpose, but frankly I have no idea what axxa is. I actually dreamed this song ... in it's entirety, woke up and wrote it. It was natural, organic, and simple.

Thanks for your comments and observations. I am going to look up axxa ... hahaha

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#203296 - 05/14/13 07:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: boehm]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
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Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Thanks for the kind words

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#203297 - 05/14/13 07:21 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Thanks for the kind words, and thanks for listening
By the, what do you think of Willy Nelson doing this song? Good fit? or not? I heard his voice in my head when I wrote it.

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#203305 - 05/14/13 10:08 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6674
Loc: USA
Danny C. Offline
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Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6674
Loc: USA
Very good song!

later,
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#203311 - 05/14/13 11:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4791
Sundance Offline
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Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4791
Such a sweet sentiment and nice arrangement. Reminds me a bit of Cat Stevens - that's a compliment. smile

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#203316 - 05/15/13 12:38 AM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7989
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Pat Marr Offline
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Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7989
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
specific things I like about the song:

1) the concept of developing a love song as a rhetorical question
2) the chord pattern
3) the way you added instruments throughout the song without making it busy

Like Josie, I heard a bit of Cat Stevens in it too.

All in all, I thought it was a very original composition.

At first I thought I'd like to hear it develop into a more orchestrated conclusion; but the simplicity and sponteneity of the song really adds to the feeling that somebody with very little time left is sorting through his thoughts, speaking them out loud to the one he loves.

As the baby boomers get older and more of us face the same scenario as the person in the song, there may be enough group identification to make this song commercially viable.

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#203318 - 05/15/13 04:11 AM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Hi Elliott,

The rhyme scheme axxa means that the first and last lines rhyme and the two middle lines are non-rhyming. A variation of your rhyme scheme, where the middle two lines rhyme with each other (i.e. an abba rhyme scheme) is used in a Tennyson poem called "In Memorium". See the link below.

http://www.poetrymagnumopus.com/index.php?showtopic=994

If you read this poem out loud, you can feel the effect of the rhyme scheme. It doesn't settle and seems to create a sense of loss or longing or, as Bud and Janice have said, contemplation. Because of Tennyson's poem, the abba rhyme scheme is often called the "In Memorium Quatrain".

All the best,
Noel


Edited by Noel96 (05/15/13 03:02 PM)
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#203335 - 05/15/13 08:39 AM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9560
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9560
Loc: Florida
Elliot,

Pat's comment were right on the mark. +1 to that.
A very tasteful production. As it progressed, I thought it was "begging for" some strings. You covered that nicely with the organ. The gut-string lead over the organ was quite enjoyable.

Writing songs in your dreams... man!.. wish I could figure out how to do that!!

floyd

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#203405 - 05/16/13 07:07 AM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1980
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
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Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1980
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
+1 on Pat's comments. I too, heard Cat Stevens in this one. I like it.

Steve
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Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

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#238651 - 02/04/14 06:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Cat Stevens huh? Interesting ... I was going for Willy Nelson. But I will take Cat.

Thanks for listening. I just posted a new song look for it on the user showcase here:

http://www.pgmusic.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=238527#Post238527


Edited by Elliott Kayne (02/04/14 06:49 PM)

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#238653 - 02/04/14 06:57 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
PgFantastic Offline
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Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
Very well done, lyrics are great and your vocal performance shines. Well produced work, thanks for sharing!
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#238712 - 02/05/14 12:28 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/13/13
Posts: 825
olemon Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/13/13
Posts: 825
Yep, Cat, but that's good company, right?

Great song. The choral voices at the end worked well. It stopped a little abrubtly, but the whole thing is very catchy, draws you in.

Well done.

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#238736 - 02/05/14 04:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4117
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4117
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Elliott !!


I liked everything about
this tune of yours !:))!
Maybe I liked your vocals best
as I think you have a very good voice !!:))


Cheers
Dani

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#238748 - 02/05/14 05:30 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Wow thanks a lot for kind words of encouragement ...

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#244485 - 03/17/14 04:03 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
I remastered this song using Ozone Please listen and let me know your thoughts

https://soundcloud.com/ekayne/if-today

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#244486 - 03/17/14 04:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: If Today ... was your Last Day - REMASTERED [Re: Elliott Kayne]
Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
Elliott Kayne Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 12/10/08
Posts: 204
Loc: Florida
I remastered this song using OZONE

https://soundcloud.com/ekayne/if-today

Please let me know what you think of it.

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