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#205223 - 06/03/13 10:51 AM [User Showcase] At The Same Moment
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Kemmrich Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Most songs that I try and post here, I sort expect to be "finished". Of course, they never are (ha, ha). Recording-wise, this one has a ways to go, but I thought I would post an "early" version in case anyone has good ideas. I think the lyrics are done, but one never knows.

This one has its genesis as a 50/90 song skirmish, where you are given a title and you try and write and record a full song in an hour. The lyrics are close to the original (it just seemed to flow that day). In fact, it was hard to create the "freshness" of that one hour take in BIAB. We do the best we can, though. Feel free to comment as you wish.

*********************************************************************************

At The Same Moment
(c) Emmrich 2011

(verse)
across the crowded dance floor
at smokey's bar and grill
celebrating cindi's divorce papers
you were sitting there with her and Jill
we both looked up at the same time
and I know there was a spark
but considering the situation
there was no doubt you were on guard

(CHORUS)
At the same moment
we caught each other's eyes
and although you were toasting failure
you thought about love and that's no lie

(verse)
So I snuck away from my friends and
you slipped away from yours
both had been burned by love before
but we couldn't deny the allure
so I ordered light beer for me
and you wanted a fancy white wine
I changed my order right then and there,
had to get used to these things you liked

(CHORUS)
At the same moment
we caught each other's eyes
and while toasting new beginnings
we thought about love and that's no lie

(break using 1 chorus)

(Bridge)
like a phoenix from the ashes
heartaches can give way to passions
and maybe it was just an omen
that we saw each other
at the same moment

(First CHORUS Again)

(TAG)
At the same moment
while toasting new beginnings
we thought about love and that's no lie

Kevin: Vocals, guitars
BIAB: drums, bass, acoustic guitar, piano, harmonica
***************************************************************************
Title: At The Same Moment
File:At The Same Moment.SGU
Key=D , Tempo 81, Length (m:s)=2:54
4 bar intro, 53 bar chorus, from bar 5 to bar 57.
Style is =CURR_R.STY (Nash Rock, res.guit (88 RT))
Style MIDI Instruments are : Finger Electric Bass (34),
RealTracks in song: 1725:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm CountryBalladJohn Ev 065
RealTracks in song: 1037:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm NorthernRockBallad Ev 065
RealTracks in song: 626:Harmonica, Background Travis Ev 085
RealDrums in style: NashvilleEven8^7-a,b:Snare, HiHat
*******************


Edited by Kemmrich (06/05/13 03:26 PM)
_________________________
Now at bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh @ bandcamp or soundcloud: Kevin @ soundcloud

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#205225 - 06/03/13 11:03 AM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7689
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Pat Marr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7689
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Love the song's concept, Kevin.. and you had some interesting/clever rhymes which worked for me. I don't know if the rhyme police will buy them or not.

Was that you playing the guitar?

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#205264 - 06/03/13 07:15 PM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Kevin,

nice story and arrangement.
Like the guitar.
I was distracted by some handclaps on the left from
1:15 on. Were they deliberate?

Guenter
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Latest Song: What You Desire

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#205317 - 06/04/13 11:31 AM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
ROG Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2716
Loc: York, England
Hi Kevin.

It sounds good already to me.

If I looked really hard for something, I might bring the drums up in the mix a wee bit. Otherwise great.

ROG.

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#205340 - 06/04/13 02:40 PM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6861
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6861
Loc: Florida
Kevin,

A lot to like about this one. A very interesting idea to handle the title. A hour really? That's impressive in itself!

That piano works really well. Your guitar is a great addition. Loved how you used nothing but drums in the bridge (I may have to steal that idea from you for something!). And the bridge lyric is nice. I would agree with Guenter - lose the clapping.

"I changed my order right then and there" - loved that.

floyd


Edited by floyd jane (06/04/13 03:24 PM)
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125+ BIAB Songs

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#205412 - 06/05/13 08:08 AM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Kemmrich Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
... any one have issue with point of view (~2nd, past tense) used and the stating that it was a divorce celebration and knowing all the the names? I've got a couple of folks telling me that since the singer couldn't know what was happening at the table and the people's names, the story is shot down from the start.

I figured that since it was past tense, those facts could be known. Of course, it could be 2nd person with a touch on omniscient thrown it!

Pat: Yes I am playing that short lead part, it needs another take or two, though. Thanks for taking time to listen and comment.

boehm: I threw those claps in there, to see what I thought about them. I either have to take them out or add to them. Thanks for the visit!

ROG: I'll try that on the drums, thanks for stopping by and the suggestion.

Floyd: It's hard to make the bridge different all the time, gotta keep trying stuff. Piano could be a tad loud here and there, I need to tame that a bit. Thanks for listening and commenting.
_________________________
Now at bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh @ bandcamp or soundcloud: Kevin @ soundcloud

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#205434 - 06/05/13 10:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 7037
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 7037
Loc: GA USA
As someone who is learning about bridges, I took notice and liked what you did with it. I particularly like "toasting failure." That's a clever way to describe a separation. Good tune. Thanks for posting.
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#205447 - 06/05/13 01:01 PM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Quote:
... any one have issue with point of view (~2nd, past tense) used and the stating that it was a divorce celebration and knowing all the the names? I've got a couple of folks telling me that since the singer couldn't know what was happening at the table and the people's names, the story is shot down from the start.

I figured that since it was past tense, those facts could be known. Of course, it could be 2nd person with a touch on omniscient thrown it!



Kevin,

You can get around that by changing “you” to “she” which would be you talking to the listener after the fact obviously knowing all the details. But whether you change it or leave it as it is you should definitely change “I know” to “I knew”. Yes you know now but you knew then. smile

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#205463 - 06/05/13 02:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: At The Same Moment [Re: Janice & Bud]
Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7689
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Pat Marr Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7689
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Originally Posted By: Janice & Bud
I particularly like "toasting failure." That's a clever way to describe a separation. Good tune. Thanks for posting.


even more than a way to describe a separation, it could be seen as a positive way to start over from any disappointing conclusion. That's a highly marketable addition to any song, since at any given time there are so many people who are experiencing some kind of disappointment, and they can use a reminder that this moment is a chance to start over...

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