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#222066 - 11/22/13 08:59 AM [User Showcase] Written - (w/ Janice Merritt)
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Make your way across the sawdust floor. Grab a bar stool. Order a beer.
You'll need it to cry in....

A bit ago, Tom posted a "cry in your beer song". Some of us love 'em.
It reminded me about a song I "had in the drawer" from quite some time ago.
There were a few things about it that I didn't like, so I had tossed it aside.
I pulled it out and did a little rewrite...

Then I asked Janice if she would join me on it.
Thankfully, she agreed... it was exactly what it needed.

A Great Big THANK YOU to Janice Merritt for singing with me on this!!!
(and one to Bud for sitting behind the console. And for helping me understand the dynamics of a recorded acoustic bass.
It was essential to getting the mix to work).

Hope you enjoy it. Comments encouraged...


WRITTEN

i'm all messed up
my world's been shattered
when you found a new life
mine was torn in two
i can't use a heart
so broken and battered
so you keep the pieces
they all still belong to you

(chorus)
your name is written
on my very soul
marked so deeply
and it may never let go
there's a picture of you
on the tiniest part
your name is written
on every piece of my broken heart

repeat chorus

your name is written
on every piece of my broken heart



Here are the RealTracks:
RealTracks in song: ~1121:Bass, Acoustic, CountryWaltz Sw 085
RealTracks in song: ~1126:Pedal Steel, Rhythm CountryWaltz Sw 085
RealTracks in song: ~2053:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryWaltzBrent Sw 085
RealTracks in song: ~822:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Country Waltz Sw 085
RealTracks in song: 1883:Piano, Acoustic, Soloist Country12-8John Sw 065
RealDrums in style: NashClassicWaltzSw^1-a:SideStick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat

Have at it.

floyd

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#222152 - 11/23/13 03:23 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2622
Loc: South Africa
JoanneCooper Offline
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Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2622
Loc: South Africa
Great work as usual Floyd and Janice. The vocals are superb. The simplicity of the lyrics is a wonderful lesson in song writing. Well done!


Edited by JosieC (11/23/13 03:24 AM)

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#222165 - 11/23/13 06:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16598
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 16598
Loc: Australia
Hey floyd,

In all honesty, I don't think music gets any better than what you, Janice and Bud have put together here. This is beautiful; a sensitive and emotion-packed journey through the turmoil of heartbreak. Your composition is outstanding and Janice's and your performances sparkle with sincerity. I'm not fully sure what Bud has done but the mix makes the song shine brilliantly!

The last two phrases of the chorus are incredibly powerful and perfectly placed to maximise the feeling of grief and loss that your lead character is experiencing. Also, the repetition of the chorus without any more verse-based development is a masterstroke. My observation, from studying many lyrics, is that repetition pretty much always adds dynamite to words when they are already a tinderbox of emotions. That's definitely the case here!

I absolutely love your beginning without an introduction. It's incredibly effective. I once went to a seminar with Grammy award winning producer Stephen Webber (a professor at Berklee College) who said that one of the most powerful ways that any singer can begin a song is to launch straight into it without any form of introduction, musical or spoken, that preempts what the song is about. I agree with him. Elvis Presley did it with a number of his most successful works. The one that springs to mind as I write is (link below) ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T1Ond-OwgU8

Dolly Parton also showed how effective this arranging/performance technique can be in (link below) ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vMQWYxPsGqw

What's today's lesson for me? Hmm ... there are a number of them. I think the lesson that sits at the top list is that when one drops the tempo way back, it's not necessary to use all that many words to create a superb song. The catch with this, though, is that it's a double-edged sword. Because so few words are used in the lyrics, the spotlight is on every word and each one has to function to perfection.

Absolutely wonderful stuff!

All the best,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#222173 - 11/23/13 08:31 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7126
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7126
Cool tune and good job. I like the writing job that was done on this.

This is reminiscent of the Jones/Wynette ... Twitty/Lynn duets from the golden age of real country music.

Harmonies are dead on sweet, the style is spot on 60's broken heart country.... it could have easily been a top 10 hit for any of the big stars of that bygone era.

Loved the "tinkling" sound of the piano in the break

The meter in the chorus stuck out a bit to me.... where the words kinda rush when everything else before that is much slower and measured....on every piece of my broken heart... I might would have simply stated "on my broken heart" since that would keep the meter the same. Of course, that's simply MHO....

Nice work.
_________________________
You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com

Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.


As the sword chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer.

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#222174 - 11/23/13 08:32 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 3147
Loc: Florida
tommyad Offline
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Registered: 05/22/11
Posts: 3147
Loc: Florida
floyd, Bud and Janice, Now that's what I'm talking about. floyd, well sung and a nice concise write. The piano works well. Bud great job on the mix, everything sits where it

should. And Janice, you have the golden pipes. I can only say that your voice has an effect on me that few others have. I think your vocals are outstanding. OK guys I will

have to pick up a twelver on the way home and crack a cold one for another listen. Tom

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#222199 - 11/23/13 10:33 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Floyd and Janice,

Great work as usual.
Wonderful vocals and a tasteful use of RTs.

Guenter
_________________________
http://www.21d.de/
Latest Song: What You Desire

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#222207 - 11/23/13 11:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4584
Sundance Offline
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Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4584
It's a beautiful track. Love the tinkling piano too. Voices are great together.

The main thing that I might change is the rushed line by removing the word "broken" which is already established in the verse. I think "written on every piece of my heart" would sing much better. jmo

Also, I'd try to get the harmony coming in on all those first on's in the chorus. I know that's tough and a minor nit but it's a little obvious on a true duet song since the harmony is so tight everywhere else. jmo

Another one to be proud of. The three of you make a great team.


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#222216 - 11/23/13 12:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3076
Loc: wales
gibson Offline
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Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3076
Loc: wales
WOW what a vocal performance!!!

I like the "rushed" last line of the chorus "on every piece of my broken heart" as, to me, it adds the necessary tension to a sad, sad song.I try to use that vehicle in my songs also.

Everything else is perfect, harmonies, mix etc.You 3 fit together well!

As Herb (guitarhacker) said the song is from the golden age of real country music.


Alyn
_________________________
My showcase songs

My story

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#222222 - 11/23/13 12:31 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3925
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
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Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 3925
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Floyd & Janice !

Solid as always as pros are
on the go !:)) I Particularly
liked the seamless vocals sung
by you two !:)) My best regards
to all involved !:))


Cheers
Dani

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#222223 - 11/23/13 12:31 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9078
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 9078
Loc: GA USA
Hey Folks, Janice looks forward to responding to the kind comments....but in the interim I want to point out that floyd did the mixing and production on this not me! All I did "behind the console" was engineer Janice's vocal and as a bass player offer a few simple suggestions regarding the acoustic bass. Floyd did a great job on the mix -- particularly if you've ever listened to any of the classics of this country sub-genre. Thanks all!

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#222280 - 11/23/13 05:56 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: JoanneCooper]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: JosieC
Great work as usual Floyd and Janice. The vocals are superb. The simplicity of the lyrics is a wonderful lesson in song writing. Well done!


Joanne - to the rescue - thanks... yea, I've pretty pleased with the simplicity of the lyric - that still conveys so much...

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#222284 - 11/23/13 06:08 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Noel96
Hey floyd,

In all honesty, I don't think music gets any better than what you, Janice and Bud have put together here. This is beautiful; a sensitive and emotion-packed journey through the turmoil of heartbreak. Your composition is outstanding and Janice's and your performances sparkle with sincerity.


Noel - thank you. You do say the nicest things.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
The last two phrases of the chorus are incredibly powerful and perfectly placed to maximise the feeling of grief and loss that your lead character is experiencing. Also, the repetition of the chorus without any more verse-based development is a masterstroke. My observation, from studying many lyrics, is that repetition pretty much always adds dynamite to words when they are already a tinderbox of emotions. That's definitely the case here!


The song was basically "built" for that line. After the verse and chorus, I felt like I had said all I wanted to say... and repeating the chorus seemed like all there was left to do.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
I absolutely love your beginning without an introduction. It's incredibly effective.


It was the first thing that came to mind - and that's usually the best way to leave it.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
... it's not necessary to use all that many words to create a superb song. The catch with this, though, is that it's a double-edged sword. Because so few words are used in the lyrics, the spotlight is on every word and each one has to function to perfection.


Appreciate that you notice that...

Thanks Noel - I so enjoy your comments.

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#222286 - 11/23/13 06:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2957
Loc: York, England
ROG Offline
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Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2957
Loc: York, England
A beautiful song and almost faultless in every respect.

Right up to the highest standard that we've come to expect from your work and the addition of Janice's voice is just the icing on the cake.

Did I say ALMOST faultless? Well, I have to agree with Josie - I'd have liked the harmony on the start of the lines, but yes, that's being really picky!

An absolute classic of the genre.

ROG.

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#222287 - 11/23/13 06:51 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: Guitarhacker]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
Cool tune and good job. I like the writing job that was done on this.


Thanks Herb. Appreciate that.

Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
This is reminiscent of the Jones/Wynette ... Twitty/Lynn duets from the golden age of real country music.

Harmonies are dead on sweet, the style is spot on 60's broken heart country.... it could have easily been a top 10 hit for any of the big stars of that bygone era.

Pretty much what we were after. Or actually, the more "updated" feel of Vince Gill and Patty Lovelace. It certainly helps having someone like Janice to sing with...

Originally Posted By: Guitarhacker
The meter in the chorus stuck out a bit to me.... where the words kinda rush when everything else before that is much slower and measured....on every piece of my broken heart... I might would have simply stated "on my broken heart" since that would keep the meter the same. Of course, that's simply MHO....

As I told Noel, the song was built for that last line of the chorus. And I tried a lot of different ways to make that work. In the end, I decided that the difference was actually a good fit. One of those things that, in time..becomes "the way it was done"...

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#222290 - 11/23/13 07:10 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: tommyad]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: tommyad
floyd, Bud and Janice, Now that's what I'm talking about. floyd, well sung and a nice concise write. The piano works well. Bud great job on the mix, everything sits where it should. And Janice, you have the golden pipes. I can only say that your voice has an effect on me that few others have. I think your vocals are outstanding. OK guys I will have to pick up a twelver on the way home and crack a cold one for another listen. Tom

Tom - thanks for all of that. I knew you would appreciate this one. That girl can sing! can't she??? Save one of those for me! - I would like to share a beer with you one day...

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#222291 - 11/23/13 07:11 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: boehm]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: boehm
Hi Floyd and Janice,

Great work as usual.
Wonderful vocals and a tasteful use of RTs.

Guenter

Thanks Guenter.

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#222293 - 11/23/13 07:16 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: Sundance]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: Sundance
It's a beautiful track. Love the tinkling piano too. Voices are great together.

The main thing that I might change is the rushed line by removing the word "broken" which is already established in the verse. I think "written on every piece of my heart" would sing much better. jmo

Like I told Herb, I did struggle with that. It is one of the reasons that it "went in the drawer" for so long. But in the end, that line had to STAY... it is what the song was written for. And (as Alyn states later) it adds a tension...


Originally Posted By: Sundance
Also, I'd try to get the harmony coming in on all those first on's in the chorus. I know that's tough and a minor nit but it's a little obvious on a true duet song since the harmony is so tight everywhere else. jmo


I have remixed the song to include those. ROG agreed with your sentiment, so I figured I'd give it a go...


Originally Posted By: Sundance
Another one to be proud of. The three of you make a great team.


Thanks Josie.

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#222296 - 11/23/13 08:28 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4416
Loc: New York
rsdean Offline
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Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 4416
Loc: New York
Floyd,

I like everything about this - great job!

Bob
_________________________
SoundCloud Tracks


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#222300 - 11/23/13 08:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: gibson]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: gibson
WOW what a vocal performance!!!

Appreciate that, Alyn, as I'm sure Janice will...

Originally Posted By: gibson
I like the "rushed" last line of the chorus "on every piece of my broken heart" as, to me, it adds the necessary tension to a sad, sad song.I try to use that vehicle in my songs also.

I agree! That's why I left that the way it was. I knew it would be perceived that way - and decided that worked to my advantage. There are many songs that on first listen, I'll think "hmmm... I don't know..." - and over time it becomes a definitive part of that song.

Originally Posted By: gibson
Everything else is perfect, harmonies, mix etc.You 3 fit together well!

As Herb (guitarhacker) said the song is from the golden age of real country music.

Again, thanks...

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#222301 - 11/23/13 08:55 PM [User Showcase] Re: Written - (w/ Janice Merritt) [Re: dani48]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8459
Loc: Florida
Originally Posted By: dani48
Hi, Floyd & Janice !

Solid as always as pros are
on the go !:)) I Particularly
liked the seamless vocals sung
by you two !:)) My best regards
to all involved !:))


Cheers
Dani

Thanks Dani.

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