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#259649 - 08/15/14 09:58 PM [User Showcase] Once had a girl
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
Hello everyone,

This week's song:

Once had a girl youtube video



A country song about a young girl I used to know.
Since there's not too much quality difference in audio, it's preferred to watch the video.
Lyrics are also included there.

Hope you like it! Any comments are welcome.

style: C_finger.sty fingerpicking guitar
used real tracks:
2265 synth bellpad rhythm 80s pop melodic ev 085
607 guitar nylon chet train ev 130
411 guitar electric rhythm train picking ev 130
378 guitar acoustic strumming doubletime ev 088
363 pedal steel background ev 085 1
603 pedal steel background train ev 130
1295 BanjoRythm, ModernCountrySyncEv16
MIDI tracks:
instrument 33 acoustic string bass
instrument 26 acoustic guitar
real drums: Nashville 2beat

Lyrics:

Once had a girl

oh it's true that old habits die hard
don't put 'm on the playlist, delete 'm up front
I once had the girl in my arms
looking mighty fine, sure made me shine

silent warnings, whispering his name
wrong behavior covering up her pain

soon I became another man
flying in the night, trying to make things right
sure leaving some broken hearts behind
knowing fully why, they were not my kind

Striking silent whispering her name
knowing darn well, she came and left my life

I once had a girl she was leaving
me far behind, to the other side
still working my way back to her
and my frame of mind, that left me blind

silent warnings whispering his name
wrong behavior to cover up her pain
living silent all the games they played
knowing darn well she came and left that day

She left that day


Regards,
Rob


Edited by Andrew - PG Music (09/26/17 05:06 PM)
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We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



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#259653 - 08/15/14 10:24 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 7157
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Offline
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Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 7157
Loc: South Carolina
Another well written and produced tune. I enjoyed the uptempo pace of this.

Charlie
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BIAB Ultra Pak+ 2022:RB 2022, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.

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#259674 - 08/16/14 08:45 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2426
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
Skyline Offline
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Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2426
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
Excellent work again - and with those ear-catching major to minor/minor to major changes! Great lyrics and vocal delivery, with a perfect arrangement. Well done.

John
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#259694 - 08/16/14 12:13 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: Charlie Fogle]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2885
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2885
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Rob and Anne-Marie,
Originally Posted By: c_fogle
Another well written and produced tune. I enjoyed the uptempo pace of this.


Nice harmonies.

Guenter
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Latest Song: What You Desire

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#259703 - 08/16/14 12:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4254
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
dani48 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 03/02/13
Posts: 4254
Loc: Helsinki, Finland
Hi, Rob and Anne-Marie !


I like this tune and your
performance, well everything
about it very much !:))
A very good listen !!:))

Cheers
Dani

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#259736 - 08/16/14 08:09 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17774
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17774
Loc: Australia
Hi Rob and Anne-Marie,

This is a really beautiful song. No-one on this forum can work those minor modes as skillfully as you do. It's always a pleasure to listen to your compositions.

Because you asked for comments ...

One thing that got caused me to ponder a bit, after I listened, was the use of the two different points of view in the lyrics. This is unusual. For some of the song, the point of view is first-person narrative (using pronouns I/me/my/mine and she/her/hers and they/them/theirs. The perspective then changes to third-person narrative (using pronouns he/him/his and she/her/hers and they/them/theirs).

I found myself wondering whether or not you'd tried the lyrics with a consistent point of view. To my ears, first-person narrative throughout is very strong (that his replace he/him/his with I/me/my/mine). Maybe that's just me, though.

If you're interested, below is how the lyrics read when they are consistently first-person narrative and consistently third-person narrative (just in case you're interested).

Quote:
FIRST-PERSON NARRATIVE
oh it's true that old habits die hard
don't put 'm on the playlist, delete 'm up front
I once had the girl in my arms
looking mighty fine, sure made me shine

silent warnings, whispering my name
wrong behavior covering up her pain

soon I became another man
flying in the night, trying to make things right
sure leaving some broken hearts behind
knowing fully why, they were not my kind

Striking silent whispering her name
knowing darn well, she came and left my life

I once had a girl she was leaving
me far behind, to the other side
still working my way back to her
and my frame of mind, that left me blind

silent warnings whispering my name
wrong behavior to cover up her pain
living silent all the games we played
knowing darn well she came and left that day

She left that day


THIRD-PERSON NARRATIVE
oh it's true that old habits die hard
don't put 'm on the playlist, delete 'm up front
he once had the girl in his arms
looking mighty fine, sure made him shine

silent warnings, whispering his name
wrong behavior covering up her pain

soon he became another man
flying in the night, trying to make things right
sure leaving some broken hearts behind
knowing fully why, they were not his kind

Striking silent whispering her name
knowing darn well, she came and left his life

he once had a girl she was leaving
him far behind, to the other side
still working his way back to her
and his frame of mind, that left him blind

silent warnings whispering his name
wrong behavior to cover up her pain
living silent all the games they played
knowing darn well she came and left that day

She left that day



The above are just my thoughts. Please feel completely free to throw them in the trash can (or rubbish tin as we say in Australia).

There's no changing the fact that you both write and perform absolutely stunning music!

All the best,
Noel
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#259746 - 08/16/14 10:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
PgFantastic Offline
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Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
I like your style, another fine piece of music; thanks for sharing!
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Psalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

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#259759 - 08/17/14 12:28 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3078
Loc: wales
gibson Offline
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Registered: 08/25/03
Posts: 3078
Loc: wales
Rob and Anne-Marie,

That is a beautiful song in all respects.
I do like your style of writing and producing.

Alyn
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#259768 - 08/17/14 08:00 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2770
Loc: South Africa
JoanneCooper Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/12/12
Posts: 2770
Loc: South Africa
Hi Rob and Anne-Marie
I looked at the video and while back but am only now getting a chance to get back and type up a comment. I really love those smooth vocals and the sublte harmony supplied by Anne-Marie. Keep up the good work


Edited by JosieC (08/17/14 08:01 AM)
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#259769 - 08/17/14 08:42 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
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Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi Noel,

First, thanks for your positive comment on the song.
I really appreciate you taking the trouble to analyse the lyrics and offering some alternatives. Nobody has done this before.
However, the "whispering his name" and "all the games they played" parts, don't refer to me (first person), but to the person who was still very much alive in her mind at the time, i.e. her ex boy friend. Hence,the "whispering" and the "games they played".

I like writing lyrics in which there is a subtle change in point of views. I also find it a challenge to write lyrics that are not all that down to earth, but leave room to your own interpretation (projection, if you will). I'm influenced by songwriters such as Leonard Cohen, Paul Simon.
In general however, lyrics don't come all that easily to me. Especially if I also want them to rhyme from time to time. wink
Thanks again!

Regards,
Rob


Edited by R & AM (08/17/14 08:42 AM)
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



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#259779 - 08/17/14 12:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 7157
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Offline
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Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 7157
Loc: South Carolina
Hi Rob and Anne-Marie,

(Quote) "However, the "whispering his name" and "all the games they played" parts, don't refer to me (first person), but to the person who was still very much alive in her mind at the time, i.e. her ex boy friend. Hence,the "whispering" and the "games they played"."

If you were to change that lyric to "Her silent warnings... " it would eliminate any confusion to the change between first person and third person in that verse.

I also always enjoy Noel96's superb lyrical evaluations too.

Regards,

Charlie
_________________________
BIAB Ultra Pak+ 2022:RB 2022, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.

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#259789 - 08/17/14 02:47 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: Charlie Fogle]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi Charlie,
Yes, I think you're right there, I'll keep it in mind for future songs!
Regards,
Rob
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



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#259795 - 08/17/14 05:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17774
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17774
Loc: Australia
Hi Rob,

Quote:

However, the "whispering his name" and "all the games they played" parts, don't refer to me (first person), but to the person who was still very much alive in her mind at the time, i.e. her ex boy friend. Hence,the "whispering" and the "games they played".


Ahhhh ... that didn't occur to me as I listened and then later read through the lyrics. Thanks for clearing up the mystery smile

Just in case you're interested ... below is an interesting link to an article where Pat Pattison takes a song through a journey of points of view. (In case you are not aware, Pattison is a songwriting and poetry professor at Berklee College, Boston.)

http://patpattison.com/patsparlourguestbook/

Regards,
Noel
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#259814 - 08/18/14 02:19 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6571
Loc: Davis, CA
Another very pretty song!! Again, unconventional musical change from the verse to the chorus which works perfectly. I wish I had your musical vocabulary. I have to ask-Are you guys really cranking out quality productions at this rate or do you have a backlog? Either way, I'm jealous. Very nice work!! Take care. Greg

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#259827 - 08/18/14 09:20 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8263
Guitarhacker Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 8263
I liked the song.... very nice transitions in there.

As far as the lyric critique..... I'm gonna sit this one out, but will say that words are critical and just ONE word can make all the difference in the world to the song and how crystal clear the story is or how confusing and murky it is in the minds eye of the listeners.

For the most part, you need to stay in the same "person" throughout or have a really really good reason for shifting the POV. I'm guilty of it and have been called on it by professional writers. Like I said, often changing a few words fixes it.
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#259832 - 08/18/14 09:48 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi John, Guenter, Dani, Robert, Alyn, Joanne,

Thanks for your nice comments.

Noel: Thanks for the link, we'll check it out!

Greg: Although we have re-recorded some of Rob's old songs with Biab, we've also been creating lots of new songs lately. An average of one new song every week is not uncommon for us whistle

Herb: You're right, but sometimes we like to take our "artistic license" and Rob does like to "play" with words a littele bit.

Regards,
R & AM
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



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#259890 - 08/18/14 06:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10227
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 10227
Loc: Florida
Rob and Anne-Marie,

I got really lost in this... the song has such a great flow to it. The mix of instruments and your vocals is so smooth - mesmerizing...

A terrific Simon and Garfunkel vibe to this...

Well done.

floyd

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#259941 - 08/19/14 09:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11814
Loc: GA USA
Janice & Bud Offline
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Registered: 12/05/11
Posts: 11814
Loc: GA USA
Very nice with very expressive chord changes and lyric. Nice to hear the nylon "chet" guitar -- we recently discovered and used it. As with all your productions the mix is stellar -- everything just sits so well...something I'm working more and more on. Much enjoyed the audio and vid -- you have a very high level of consistency.

J&B
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#259976 - 08/19/14 03:42 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3644
Loc: The Netherlands
Thank you Floyd,

always appreciated!
Yes, I'm definitely influenced by Paul Simon, if people can hear this back in our music, we are flattered smile

regards,
Rob
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC1gsdNLE7_Gy8qavoOplQow/videos
http://rnam.net/



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#260002 - 08/19/14 10:13 PM [User Showcase] Re: Once had a girl [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4998
Loc: Gulf Coast
Sundance Offline
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Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4998
Loc: Gulf Coast
Like that Simon and Garfunkle vibe. Smooth.


Josie
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