Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
You need to be logged in to post
Options
Index
#265108 - 10/10/14 05:04 AM [User Showcase] The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid)
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
The Gates of Babylon
You sit alone at the table
While I take my coffee in bed
Our happy home's just a no-man's land
Where even angels refuse to tread

Angry words fall silent
Now that we've said much too much
I hold back my hurt inside
You hold back your touch

Chorus
I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea
But I can't bridge this emptiness
Dividing you from me

Close your eyes and pray for sleep
But prayers fall on deaf ears
We hold our breath and count the hours
Until the morning sun reappears

Lost without direction
Unwilling to turn around
Falling apart together
Divided by common ground

So many bridges burned
Too many chances gone
Now that we've been turned away
At the gates of Babylon


RealTracks
364 - Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Ev065
366 - Bass, Electric, Country Ev 065
891 - Piano, Acoustic, Solo Accompaniment PopLiverpool Ev065
897 - Guitar, 12-String Acoustic, Rhythm FolkRock Ev16 065
908 - Bass, Electric, SmoothBallad Ev16 065
910 - Piano, Electric, Rhythm SmoothBallad Ev16 065
1074 - Piano, Electric, Soloist SmoothJazzBallad delay Ev16 065
1543 - SynthPad, PopBelieve Ev16 065
1676 - Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking CountryBrent Ev 065

Vocaloids: Avanna and YOHIOloid

Yes, it's another Vocaloid performance. The original POV was a male singer, but I liked the "Avanna" Vocaloid when I tracked it, so I went ahead and altered the lyrics to fit a bit better.

This is a slightly different take on The Water Is Wide. More of "No, I'm not kidding - I really can't cross over."

Floyd Jane will (rightly) point out that the language is a bit too pretentious in places, and undercuts the lyrics. In my defense, I was trying to channel Al Stewart when I penned the lyrics, so the obscure references stayed in. The original version of the second verse used "maelstrom" in it, so the grandiloquent-o-meter rating was scaled back a tad during the rewrite.

At the last minute I noticed sloppy lyric writing:

Angry words fall silent
Now that we've said much too much
You hold back your anger
I hold back my touch


I was almost too lazy to change it, but a visit with Mr. Thesaurus cleared that up, and I got some alliteration to boot. (But does it count for silent letters?)

As usual, comments of all sorts are welcome.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265139 - 10/10/14 09:38 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9549
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 9549
Loc: Florida
David,

I really like this!

Wonderful opening! The e piano then the blend of the acoustic guitar... beautiful! Worth stealing that! (I will give you credit, of course..). The first couple lines of the vocal are so close to "real" that it makes you want that "girl" to turn into a real voice (like in a Disney movie) - it is nice!

An excellent piece of songwriting. I have no issues at all with anything wink ... It all seems quite natural - which is all that ever matters. Solid, solid writing. Opening with "furniture" and then moving later to emotion...very well done. I commend you, also, on avoiding the typical clichés of the what-has-happened-to-us song. You captured the emotions in fresh ways...

One lyric suggestion... I may be misinterpreting this... in your chorus,
"I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea"
Should that be "Or cover the salty sea"? (I would write it as "I could cover the salty sea" - to give you that repetition)
Basically... I can climb mountains, I can span oceans... (I don't get "being underwater")...

Beautiful melody!

The lead instrument was a surprise (a nice one. You did not list it, so I did not want to give it away here..if that was your intent). In the first half of it, I feel that there were too many "quick phrases" - the opening is nice, but is followed by too many flourishes (if you know what I mean).. the second half has more held notes which fit the feel of the song better and I think the overall lead would benefit from more of that happening in the first half of it... (the ending works very well).

Did I say "I really like this!"???

Man! This is NICE!

floyd

oh.. forgot the mention - excellent production, excellent mix... (got so wrapped up in the song itself)


Edited by floyd jane (10/10/14 09:48 AM)

Top
#265143 - 10/10/14 10:25 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 6542
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 6542
Loc: South Carolina
David, this is definitely the song on the forum with the 'feel'. My favorite of yours so far. The feel is the song that just hearing it one time, you know it has mainstream appeal and potential. This is a winner as far as lyrics, melody and structure go. I think the changes you made for the song to fit Avanna were spot on and perfect for this song.

My only suggestion would be to find a way to entice Rob and Anne-Marie from here on the forum to collaborate on the vocals with you. Her vocals and their harmonies would really be icing on the cake.

Great Job All Around!!
Charlie
_________________________
BIAB Ultra Pak+ 2021:RB 2021, Latest builds: Dell Optiplex 7040 Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, Intel Core i7-6700 3.4GHz CPU and 16 GB Ram Memory.

Top
#265158 - 10/10/14 01:14 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: floyd jane
I really like this!

Thanks, you made my morning! smile

Quote:
Wonderful opening!

I got lucky on that. I was trying to find something that would be simple, and when I tried the electric piano, it was the obvious choice (a continuing homage to Al Stewart, linking to "Time Passages"). I added some delay to it, brought in the guitar, and for once was sensible enough to leave it alone at that. grin


Quote:
An excellent piece of songwriting. I have no issues at all with anything wink

smile The initial idea focused on traveling through the desert until the arrival "at the gates of Babylon", and spent too much time on abstract language. The introduction came from trying to anchoring the lyric in reality before getting lost in my own metaphors.

Fortunately the rewrite jettisoned a lot of the meandering lyrics.

Quote:
One lyric suggestion... I may be misinterpreting this... in your chorus,
"I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or be covered by salty sea"

Should that be "Or cover the salty sea"?

It's like you've read my mind here. The line is basically a quote from "The Water Is Wide":

The water is wide, I can't cross over
And neither have I wings to fly


The original version of the lyric was:

I could scale the Zagros mountains
Or sail salty sea


It carries the metaphor better, and has the inner rhyme of scale/sail.

But I wanted to also capture that feeling of wanting to run to the heights or drown in the sea when a relationship goes bad. The result is (as you noted) a bit of a compromise that does neither.

There is a strong case for mangled metaphors in language. Check out Shakespeare's Genius is Nonsense - the article title is too clever for its own good, since it's also a double meaning.

But I don't think the line really works, and I'd been thinking about how it could be rewritten.

Quote:
The lead instrument was a surprise

I love that trumpet! I just forgot to list it.

This time I planned ahead, and included the RealTrack number in the exported .wav file name so I could list the instruments I'd used later. The solo comes so late in the track the I simply missed it.

You nailed my thoughts on the solo exactly. I'm got an aversion to silence during solos, and I think in this case "less is more" might be the solution.

I'm still wondering about the balance between the lyric and the instruments. My co-worker consistently has trouble understanding the vocals on my mixes (and not just the Vocaloids), so getting vocal clarity is something I'm still struggling with.

Thanks again!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265162 - 10/10/14 02:01 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
Hi David,

A beautiful song and the voice sounds almost like real. If you don't know it's a Vocaloid, you won't notice the difference. Only if you do know, you can hear the slight problems this "voice" has, while going from one word to another sometimes.
I like both the melody very much as well as the atmosphere.
Well done.

Anne-Marie
_________________________
We are Rob Meulman and Anne-Marie Bovenkamp from The Netherlands.

RnAM Homepage (completely restyled)
YouTube Channel

Top
#265170 - 10/10/14 03:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: Charlie Fogle]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: c_fogle
My favorite of yours so far.

Thanks!

Quote:
My only suggestion would be to find a way to entice Rob and Anne-Marie from here on the forum to collaborate on the vocals with you.

I'm open to that! Whether they trust their vocals to my mixing is another matter. wink
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265174 - 10/10/14 03:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: RnAM]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: R & AM
A beautiful song and the voice sounds almost like real.

Hi, Anne-Marie.

Yes, it's amazing how much better an English-speaking Vocaloid can be when English is the voice supplier's native language. The other Vocaloid I've got is based on a Swedish singer, and even though he's trying to do an American (ooops... mid-Atlantic") accent, it's not entirely successful. There's been rumor of an native English speaking male Vocaloid for a while, and I'd love to have that.

There are still some interesting challenges with a "native" Vocaloid. For example, she sings "salty" as "shalty". A bit of cut and pasting took care of that. The words "at the" came out as "atuh" because the initial "t" sound was so strong.

I'm such a geek about this stuff. smile

Thanks!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265176 - 10/10/14 03:38 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 4285
Loc: Iceland
Icelander Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 4285
Loc: Iceland
The words of the lyrics suffer for the artificial voice quite a bit here, but the "triple M's" - melody, music & mix - it's all very nice & smooth cool
_________________________
YT: www.youtube.com/user/MrIcelander
SC: https://soundcloud.com/eddie-icelander
Never finish what you can't start!
____________________________________________
BBox 2021 Audiophile, Mac Pro Intel, OSX 10.6.8, 800x600 (TV VGA)

Top
#265193 - 10/10/14 05:34 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: Icelander]
Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 117
Loc: Upstate NY
Dan45 Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 117
Loc: Upstate NY
Very nice, and thought provoking!

I had no idea what to expect, as there is a song by the same name from the mid-70's band Rainbow (Ritchie Blackmore's band after Deep Purple). If you are familiar with that then this is.....ahh.....QUITE different!

Outstanding arrangement and I am fascinated by this whole idea of Vocaloid. I want to hear more of your stuff!
_________________________
BiaB/RB 2014 OmniPak
Juno-Gi Mobile Synth
Roland GR-20+GK-3 Guitar Synthesizer System
Godin Nylon String Synth Access Guitar

Top
#265230 - 10/10/14 11:14 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: Icelander]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: Icelander
The words of the lyrics suffer for the artificial voice quite a bit here, but the "triple M's" - melody, music & mix - it's all very nice & smooth cool

Glad you liked it! If the Vocaloid folk don't come up with a better English-speaking male voice, I may be forced to finish up my own voice synthesis project... shocked
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265232 - 10/10/14 11:24 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: Dan45]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: Dan45
Very nice, and thought provoking!

I looked up the Rainbow version on YouTube. Fun song, but slightly different to it. smile

Thanks for the positive feedback!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265252 - 10/11/14 08:46 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 04/01/11
Posts: 1026
Loc: Maryland
SpaceDog Offline
Expert

Registered: 04/01/11
Posts: 1026
Loc: Maryland
David,
Don't be so hard on yourself. This is beautiful song and arrangement. The vocaloid choice with just right. Thanks for sharing.
SD

Top
#265264 - 10/11/14 11:40 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2873
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi David,

as Charlie said "this is definitely the song on the forum with the 'feel'. My favorite of yours so far. The feel is the song that just hearing it one time, you know it has mainstream appeal and potential. This is a winner as far as lyrics, melody and structure go."
I'm just having my 5th listen. A beautiful piece.
I don't know if a "real" voice can make it better.

Guenter
_________________________
http://www.21d.de/
Latest Song: What You Desire

Top
#265267 - 10/11/14 12:03 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: SpaceDog]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: SpaceDog
Don't be so hard on yourself.

Don't worry, I'm fine - that's just the way I think about stuff.

Thanks!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265269 - 10/11/14 12:11 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: boehm]
Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 7774
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
Jim Fogle Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/20/11
Posts: 7774
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC USA
David, I found the lyrics to be very emotional. Great job of matching the vocaloid to the song. Enjoyed the production. It's a nice listen. I liked the use of harmonies in this song. In many songs harmony is overused and too out front. You blended the harmony into the song in a very pleasing manner.
_________________________
Jim Fogle - 2021 BiaB (842) RB (Build 8) Ultra+ PAK
Cakewalk - Zoom MRS-8 recorder
Desktop: i7 Win 10 build 2004, 12GB ram 256GB SSD, 4 TB HDD
Laptop: i3 64bit Win 10 build 21H1, 8GB ram 500GB HDD
Music at: http://fogle622.wix.com/fogle622-audio-home

Top
#265275 - 10/11/14 12:28 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: boehm]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: boehm
My favorite of yours so far.

Thanks!

I've got a cluttered house full of noisy teenagers, and my computer is in the middle of it all. So it can be a challenge to find the space and quiet needed to record vocals! smile

I just wish there were a better male Vocaloid voice available. Working with this is getting me prepared to start working on my voice synthesis program again...
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265288 - 10/11/14 03:51 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6361
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 6361
Loc: Davis, CA
Really beautiful song!! I would love to hear a traditional vocal performance on it. Lyrics are excellent-really emotional and crafted well but not over crafted. Excellent!! Take care. Greg

Top
#265327 - 10/11/14 09:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: Greg Johnson]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 4356
Loc: Sacramento, California
Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
Really beautiful song!! I would love to hear a traditional vocal performance on it.

Thanks, Greg!

I asked a friend today if she would sing on it. She said she liked the lyrics, but I made the "classic mistake" of giving it a sweet melody. She suggested I speed up the tempo, and make the arrangement bluesy to match the lyric. Oh, well. (Not a bad suggestion, really, but not going to happen. But I now know someone to contact when I do write a bluesy song). laugh
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#265340 - 10/12/14 06:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 17412
Loc: Australia
Hi David,

This is definitely a creation to be proud of. You've scaled and conquered songwriting mountains here. The melody and its arrangement are testimony to your fine ability with music. Couple these with such poignant lyrics and the creation is complete. I thoroughly enjoyed the journey.

All the best,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


Top
#265353 - 10/12/14 12:29 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Gates of Babylon (Vocaloid) [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1980
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1980
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Absolutely beautiful, David! Very well written. Any nits that I would have with the lyrics would strictly be personality differences. I would like to hear this with a "real" singer. Nothing against the Vocaloid. It's a useful tool for "non-singers", but this song deserves to be heard right. I think it's that good. As an arranger, I always enjoy your work. Good use of instrumentation, and the music enhances, and never gets in the way of the emotions of the song.

Did I say I like this?

Looking forward to hearing more.

Steve
_________________________
Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


PG Music News
Ordering Your Band-in-a-Box® is Easy!

When you order any PG Music products directly from www.pgmusic.com (or www.bandinabox.com) you'll receive immediate links to start downloading your order! Even if you choose to have a backup copy of your Band-in-a-Box® packages shipped, you'll still have the download links available to you - no need to wait!

We've made it even easier to get started with Band-in-a-Box® with the Easy Payment Plan 4 - when you choose this payment option you'll pay four equal monthly payments starting on the day of your order.

Choose your Band-in-a-Box® for Windows package & order here.

Using Mac? Order here.

When you get to the checkout, simply click on Select Easy Payment Plan 4 for this product to apply this option.

Note: This only applies to this Band-in-a-Box product, and does not apply to other products that you might have in your order, including the physical backup copy if selected.

Band-in-a-Box® File Associations

You may have noticed when you were installing Band-in-a-Box® for Windows that you were asked if you would like to Associate Band-in-a-Box songs and styles with Band-in-a-Box? But, what does that mean?

It's actually pretty simple - basically, if you select this option while you're installing the program, files with the extensions .SGU, .MGU, and other Band-in-a-Box files will open directly in the program if you select them from outside the program.

Missed this option during your setup, but you'd like to apply it now? Go to File | File Utilities | Associate File types with Explorer within the program.

New Update for RealBand 2021 Available!

Do you use RealBand (included in all Band-in-a-Box® for Windows purchases)? Download the latest free update, which resolves a small viewing issue for Windows 11 users.

When you download the latest update for RealBand 2021, it will add all the updates we've made this year. See the full list here.

Ear Training Games in Band-in-a-Box® for Windows

October 1, 2021 is National Kids Music Day!

Head to the Practice Window in Band-in-a-Box® for Windows, and you'll see fun games that are fun ear training options for kids: Music Replay & Pitch Invasion.

Of course, you don't have to be a kid to like these games, I think there a fun way to learn at any age!

Music Replay is just what it sounds like - the program plays a 1-bar melody, and the user plays it back. Get it right, and you'll keep building that melody (and skill) within the game - get it wrong, and you'll be met with a warning tone and have to try again... it's quite addictive, and a lot of fun!

If you like a classic arcade game, then you'll love Pitch Invasion! We've managed to incorporate aliens with pitch-recognition skills in this exciting game, where you'll match the pitch of the alien ship descending towards your planet trying to destroy your collection of instruments - match the pitch and you've saved your instruments, make a mistake and the ship keeps coming... you'll have a few tries to get it right, if you're quick, but if all your instruments are destroyed - it's game over! The game speeds up as your skills improve, and you'll earn points along the way, with bonus points available throughout the game.

Open up your Band-in-a-Box® for Windows today to give it a try!

These ear training games are also included in Musical Arcade for Windows.

How to Make Backing Tracks with Band-in-a-Box®, by Nick Kellie

Band-in-a-Box® endorsing artist Nick Kellie recently got his hands on the newest Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Mac, and put together this video showing off just how easy it is to make backing tracks in Band-in-a-Box®!

Band-in-a-Box Demo - How to make backing tracks

The Band-in-a-Box® VST DAW Plugin Works Great in Windows® 11!

Simon did it again - another test in Windows 11! See how well the Band-in-a-Box® VST DAW Plugin works with Windows® 11 in his latest video: The Band-in-a-Box® VST DAW Plugin Works Great in Windows® 11!

RealBand® Works Great in Windows® 11!

Here's an introductory look at RealBand® running on the preview version of Windows® 11!

Watch the video.

Forum Stats
34987 Members
66 Forums
71214 Topics
617522 Posts

Max Online: 2537 @ 01/19/20 07:09 AM
Newest Members
Piano Tone, Billscism, daveneal, a4ndrew3lls, jbrydon

34985 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
swingbabymix 327
Pipeline 287
VideoTrack 202
MarioD 152
MoveToGroove 141
justanoldmuso 130
rayc 127
Jim Fogle 118
Matt Finley 117
Simon - PG Music 109
Today's Birthdays
Dawn46, Sergio Guarneri