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#273940 - 12/11/14 10:05 AM [User Showcase] Stay a While (new song)
Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 103
Loc: Massachusetts
BruceI Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 103
Loc: Massachusetts
One of the things I like about upgrading to a new BIAB version is that it gets me digging through RealTracks (new and old), searching for new songs that may be hidden in them. For this one, I was playing with a style called =ROKJZEV and I really liked the feel of the song demo. So I started with that, changed some chords, re-arranged, added horns and (RT) lead guitar, and replaced the two MIDI tracks with RealTracks. Then I started scatting to that, and "Stay a While" was the result. Although the rest of the parts are Even feel, the RT bass is Swing feel, and it seems to work. Sounds good to me anyway. I was thinking of Al Green and Steely Dan while playing with this, FWIW. Dreaming of the big leagues. smile

https://soundcloud.com/flyingsinger/stay-a-while-scratch-lead-vocal

I plan to add harmonies and background vocals, so this is a work in progress with a scratch lead vocal. Suggestions welcome!

Thanks for listening,
Bruce

Key=F , Tempo 100, Length (m:s)=4:28
Style is =RKJEVBI.STY ()
RealTracks in song: ~903:Bass, Electric, SmoothCool Sw16 100
RealTracks in style: 2196:Piano, Electric, Rhythm JazzRock Ev16 100
RealTracks in style: 924:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm BossaGrooveComp Ev 110
RealTracks in style: 2110:Horn Section, Background, R&B Ev16 110
RealTracks in style: 1650:Guitar, Electric, Soloist JazzFunkGroovin Ev16 110
RealDrums in style: LaPopJazzLaidbackEv16: a: Snare, HiHat b: Snare, Ride
Vocals, effects, and mix done in Sonar X3 Producer.

Stay a While

I cried when you called me baby
Talking bout running away
I tried every argument
To get you to stay
Burning up in a blaze of glory
I pray we're not the same sad story
You never wanna think it can happen to you

CHORUS:
I've seen how rays of sunshine always make you smile
I could be your sunny day if you could stay a while

I lied when my friends came over
Askin' what's up with you
I said something about your sister
And you'd be back soon
I lie awake till the cold, gray morning
I know you tried to give me fair warning
I got a lotta growing up to do

CHORUS

Bridge
I hope I can find the strength to turn myself around
Cause if I lose the light, the light I found in you
What will I do? I love only you

INSTR 1/2 verse

Burning up in a blaze of glory
This doesn't have to be our story
Look outside, the clouds are blowing away

CHORUSES, fade

Words & music by Bruce Irving
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#273951 - 12/11/14 10:49 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Really cool stuff!! I can see the Al Green. I was immediately hearing the "Steely" influence before I read your intro. However, lyrics are not nearly weird enough for them, and they don't do covers as far as I know. Really pleasant song and different than anything I've heard hear. Great work!! Take care. Greg

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#273960 - 12/11/14 11:07 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: Greg Johnson]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 4977
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Offline
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Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 4977
Loc: South Carolina
Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
Really cool stuff!! I can see the Al Green. I was immediately hearing the "Steely" influence before I read your intro. However, lyrics are not nearly weird enough for them, and they don't do covers as far as I know. Really pleasant song and different than anything I've heard hear. Great work!! Take care. Greg


I'm with Greg with most of his comments. I heard the "Steely" influence too. I also think it's a really nice song and is certainly worth your time to tighten it up and add backing vocals. I think backing vocals and some harmony would benefit your end result.

While I think the overall song is good, I did not come away with that feeling for the intro or your ending. It was great once I got into the song and stayed great until the end of the song. From my personal standpoint, the intro did not seem everything was coordinated together and did not come together until right before you started with the vocals.

The ending seemed to be various instruments searching for a place to stop.

These are just personal observations and if they are playing as you intended for them to play, I simply missed your intention. Not that difficult for me to do. I always listen for what I think should happen, not necessarily to what the artist may be trying to achieve.

Still, overall, I liked the song and it was enjoyable to listen to.

Charlie
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#273964 - 12/11/14 11:18 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6325
Guitarhacker Offline
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Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 6325
Nice start to a cool tune..

I could hear both of the aforementioned artists in this....

I'd personally try to make it pop more...add more funk to it. The drums are just a bit to steady for the groove.

The RT lead guitar smokes in places.... nice.

Be sure to take it back to the root for the ending.... don't leave it hanging like that when you get ready to finish it up.


Edited by Guitarhacker (12/11/14 11:20 AM)
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#273969 - 12/11/14 11:24 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 11/15/14
Posts: 306
Loc: Belgium
FredM Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 11/15/14
Posts: 306
Loc: Belgium
Hello Brucel,
You've got a great and versatile voice that carries the song well. I think the song has potential.
Curious how it will develop...
Grtz
F

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#273983 - 12/11/14 11:57 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 103
Loc: Massachusetts
BruceI Offline
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Registered: 01/23/09
Posts: 103
Loc: Massachusetts
Thanks for these helpful comments. It definitely is a work in progress, and it will either have a fade or a proper in-key ending when it's done.

The problem with virtuosic RT solos like the ones I used here is that they are so cool, you just want to use them, but you also need to question whether they work for the song, cool or not. So Charlie's thoughts are right on.

Same with the drums - I thought they worked, but maybe something funkier would work better. I will try out other options in BIAB before I go back to Sonar. I have some time booked with my producer at the end of the month to work on a few of my in-progress tracks. He's a fine guitarist and drum programmer and has great ears. He may want to just keep the horns (but I think keys and rhythm guitar are working too). He will also help me work out some non-obvious but cool harmonies and BG vox.

Thanks again,
Bruce
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Tools: BIAB 2015, Sonar X3, various iPhone/iPad apps

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#273988 - 12/11/14 12:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4125
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
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Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 4125
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Excellent song. Lyrics and singing were excellent...
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https://soundcloud.com/scottt709

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#274036 - 12/11/14 03:50 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 12036
Loc: Hamlin NY
MarioD Offline
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Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 12036
Loc: Hamlin NY
I think that you have a fantastic start here and in fact I think that it is almost finished. My thoughts are this:
1-I like the drums but they need more snap and pop to them. Compression and EQ are your friends here.
2-I think a little harmony would sound great.

This is a really good song.
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#274125 - 12/12/14 07:31 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Hi Bruce,

nice song. I like your vocals.
I'm with Charlie about the intro and the ending.
Curious what comes out.

Guenter
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#274132 - 12/12/14 08:04 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6926
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6926
Loc: Florida
Bruce,

Super cool sound to this! Your vocal is really nice.

First time I've heard the horns really fit in a song like this (nice job!).

I might try adding one of the Salsa drums sets (congas, bongos, etc) along with the drums you already have.

This is a great listen. Really looking forward to where you take this....

floyd
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#274150 - 12/12/14 10:32 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7691
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
Pat Marr Offline
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Registered: 10/25/08
Posts: 7691
Loc: Winston-Salem, NC
(writing without reading other comments first)
Nice song!

At times it reminded me of Steely Dan (update.. apparently I'm not the only one!)
Also heard a little bit of Hall and Oates when the vocal went into falsetto

And the slower but very tasteful guitar in the beginning reminded me of the way Eric (FMM) plays.

The horns work very well as used.

Vocals are unique and recognizeable, and you can sing on key... which is always good ;-)

Lyrics are interesting

The ending was kind of abrupt... not sure if that was a design choice, or if the generation did that and you decided to leave it. A lot of people would have tweaked to get a more traditional and resolved conclusion. On the other hand, a lot of people would specifically choose the ending that is different and new.

It seemed a little imbalanced that all the "bling" came from the fast guitar when the drums remained so consistent the whole time. I wonder how it would sound with slightly less fancy guitar and slightly more varied drums...

all in all a very interesting and enjoyable piece of work!


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#274168 - 12/12/14 01:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
RnAM Offline
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Registered: 05/02/14
Posts: 3180
Loc: The Netherlands
Hello Bruce,

I really like this, the guitar really flies!! But the vocals are also very nice.
It's got that 80s/90s groove that I like.

Regards,
Rob
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#274203 - 12/12/14 05:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14875
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14875
Loc: Australia
Hi Bruce,

This was a great listen. As far as being "a work in progress" goes, this is one of the strongest I've heard in a long time. You've got some really good things happening. Like others earlier in the thread, I'll be watching out for where this takes you!

Regards,
Noel
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#274212 - 12/12/14 05:48 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 4988
Loc: California
Muzic Trax Offline
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Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 4988
Loc: California
The song jumps out at you upon starting, wasn't ready for that.

I like the chord structure and melody, nice lil groove you got going on.

Nice job.

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#274231 - 12/12/14 09:31 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Hi Bruce,

Good song and love your vocal. Cool melody and really liked the lying about the sister line. Didn't care for the lead guitar much. Gotta agree with Trax, nice groove you got going on. It'll be interesting to hear the real production when it's done.

Josie

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#274313 - 12/13/14 08:05 AM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2717
Loc: York, England
ROG Offline
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Registered: 12/12/11
Posts: 2717
Loc: York, England
Hi Bruce.

This is already a very classy song.

Your vocal performance is brilliant - very professional delivery and bursting with expression. I can't wait to see how the harmonies will sound and exactly where you intend to place them.

The mix is sweet as it stands, so don't go and spoil it with too much processing!

I could listen to this stuff all day long.

ROG.

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#274351 - 12/13/14 01:17 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Greg Johnson Offline
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Registered: 12/21/13
Posts: 4749
Loc: Davis, CA
Bruce, I gave this another listen. It is really well done on so many levels. If I had a suggestion, it would be to make the chorus stand apart more. It kind of rolls by with the same vibe as the verses so there is not a clear build, climax, reset kind of thing. I would not even bring this up except that I think the song has so much potential. Just occurred to me so I thought I'd mention it. Take care. Greg

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#274407 - 12/13/14 05:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: Stay a While (new song) [Re: BruceI]
Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1352
F.M.M. Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1352
hi bruce I agree with all comments really engaging and vocal nice guitar chops thanks eric
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