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#309786 - 09/09/15 09:05 AM [User Showcase] Are You Proud Of Me?
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
Hi everyone!

I am only new to this forum and relatively new to song writing and recording. I have recently uploaded my very first original song to soundcloud and I am looking for some feedback on it. If anyone has 3 minutes of free time, I would love to hear what you think!

Here is the link: https://soundcloud.com/ptcruiser1801/are-you-proud-of-me

Here is more information about the song:

I wrote this song a little while ago in response to seeing people around me going through some tough times with anxiety and depression and the struggle that they faced on a daily basis. Some of these friends I saw overcome their struggles and some didn't. The song hopefully reflects the persistent nature of mental illness. The 'Are you proud of me?' line reflects one particular person I know whose personal struggles related to never feeling good enough for anyone.

Here are the lyrics:

I see the road,
Narrow right before my eyes,
And in the dark,
The fading light is my disguise.

I hear a voice,
That familiar haunting sound,
It follows me,
I know no place it cant be found.

Are you proud of what you see?
Are you proud of me?

I stand and wait,
To watch you walking right by me,
You think I'm gone,
My shadow isn't there to see.

I keep the faith,
My will is strong if I believe,
In time I'll know,
What I can and can't achieve.

Are you proud of what you see?
Are you proud of me?

Focus now,
You're reflecting your own dreams,
Broken Down,
Everything's not as it seems.

Weary eyes,
They've seen too much but cannot close,
Sunken Heart,
A lier reaps just what he sows.

Are you proud of what you see?
Are you proud of me?

Are you proud of what you see?
Are you proud of me?

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#309801 - 09/09/15 11:05 AM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4840
Loc: Florida
90 dB Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/20/10
Posts: 4840
Loc: Florida
First song, eh? OK. If you say so. wink


Very sophisticated for a 1st song. Very nice. Looking forward to more!


Regards,

Bob

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#309807 - 09/09/15 12:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7138
Guitarhacker Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/03/09
Posts: 7138
So.... what are the tracks used in this project?


Curiosity has me wondering.
_________________________
You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com

Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.


As the sword chooses the warrior, so too, the song chooses the writer.

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#309817 - 09/09/15 03:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: 90 dB]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
Hi guys,
Thanks for taking the time to give me feedback!

90dB- Thanks so much for your comments! I will take your surprise and disbelief as a huge compliment! I appreciate you calling it a very sophisticated song...I have spent a good while fine-tuning each individual part recently so I really appreciate that. I have a few more songs I plan on recording and uploading soon. Thanks again smile

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#309820 - 09/09/15 03:30 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: Guitarhacker]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
Guitarhacker- Are you curious about how I recorded the song? It was on garageband on an iPad 1st generation. There are 7 tracks in the recording- 2 guitar tracks, bass, drum track, vocal track and strings. Thanks for taking the time to write! smile

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#309835 - 09/09/15 04:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 5754
Loc: South Carolina
Charlie Fogle Offline
Veteran

Registered: 04/07/13
Posts: 5754
Loc: South Carolina
This was nice and a good first effort. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you soon. Welcome to the forum.


Charlie
_________________________
BiaB Ultra Pak+ 2020:RB 2020: Dell Inspiron AIO Desktop; Windows-10-64 bit, 7th Generation AMD A9-9425 Processor Five Core 3100 Mhz and 16GB DDR4 Memory.

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#309859 - 09/09/15 11:39 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1717
Loc: New Zealand
RichMac Offline
Expert

Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1717
Loc: New Zealand
Great style and i like the overall sound. Much too good for a first song. Cheers.
_________________________
https://soundcloud.com/tuigorge



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#309864 - 09/10/15 01:30 AM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3657
Loc: Sydney Australia
PeterF Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 12/06/03
Posts: 3657
Loc: Sydney Australia
Very nice but from your response it's a Garage Band song not Band In A Box?

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#309925 - 09/10/15 10:01 AM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PTCruiser1801]
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
PgFantastic Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
Outstanding work, outstanding lyrics; thanks for sharing!
_________________________
My Tunes

Psalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

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#309935 - 09/10/15 12:15 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: Charlie Fogle]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
Hi c_fogle,

Thanks for taking the time to comment...I really do appreciate it! I have a few more songs half finished at the moment and I will be sure to post them once I am happy with them! Thanks

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#309936 - 09/10/15 12:16 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: RichMac]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
Thanks Rickmac...I appreciate the compliment of you saying it is much too good for a first song...that means a lot to me! Thank you very much! smile

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#309937 - 09/10/15 12:17 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PeterF]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PeterF- Oh god i'm very sorry...I didnt realise this forum was for band-in-a-box only? Sorry about that...completely unintentional. Thanks for taking the time to comment!

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#309938 - 09/10/15 12:18 PM [User Showcase] Re: Are You Proud Of Me? [Re: PgFantastic]
Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PTCruiser1801 Offline
Newbie

Registered: 09/09/15
Posts: 9
PgFantastic- For anyone to say my work is good, I am delighted, but for you to say it is outstanding I am blown away! Thank you so much...I am lost for words (for once!!)

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