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#133828 - 11/16/11 01:21 PM [User Showcase] New Song - I'm Still Missing You
Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
msfrancis Offline
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Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
http://www.soundcloud.com/msfrancis

This song was recorded using only Real Tracks:
701 Bass
676 Guitar Accoustic Strumming
RealDrums=Rock BritDrivingEv16
677 Guitar Electric, Rhythm, RockBritDriving
680 Guitar Electric, Rhythm, RockBritSoul
621 Pedal Steel, Background
834 Guitar, Electric, AltCountryMoody

I recorded this song in my bedroom studio using Audacity and Ozone4 for mixing and mastering. I am not a singer so the vocals are not of a professional quality. I hope to generate interest from an established artist for recording this song commercially.

Any comments would be greatly appreciated!

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#133829 - 11/16/11 02:00 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: msfrancis]
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Kemmrich Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
I think you did a great job putting the musical tracks together and the melody part fits in nicely. If you are looking for commercial country opportunities, I think you will have to tighten this one down to about 3:30 -- no one wants a 5 minute slow/mid tempo sad country song, unless there is something super special about it.

Country is very "lyric-conscious" and these lyrics are just OK. There is nothing wrong with "OK" (that's about what I can do), but OK won't cut it in the pro world. The main thing that pops out in the lyric is that I can't really "see" enough in the story to make me want to care. Plus you wake up, you go to sleep -- but somehow you are crying until dawn. I would suggest that you join a peer to peer lyric/song critiquing forum and work on the craft. I think you have the potential.


Kevin
_________________________
Now at bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh @ bandcamp or soundcloud: Kevin @ soundcloud

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#133830 - 11/16/11 02:11 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14103
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14103
Loc: Australia
Hi msfrancis,

Welcome to the forum

I really like the sound that you've managed to produce. It's vibrant and very professional sounding. I read that you don't describe yourself as a singer. You sure sound like a pretty good singer to me.

This compositions shines with musical understanding. The harmonic and melodic structures are well created and worked for me. To my mind, there was something reminiscent of the 60s present in the song but I couldn't put my finger on it. That's a compliment, by the way, some brilliant songs came to us via the 60s! Thank you for sharing your work, I thoroughly enjoyed the listen.

I'm looking forward to hearing what you next do.

Regards,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#133831 - 11/16/11 02:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
msfrancis Offline
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Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
Thanks Kevin. I "see" what you mean. Good observations. I didn't know there were forums of that type until I just Googled them. Have you had any experience with any of them?

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#133832 - 11/16/11 02:26 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: msfrancis]
Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
msfrancis Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
Thanks Noel for the remarks. That was certainly my intention. I am partial to the country sound of the late 50's and all of the 60's. As you said something special about that time period!

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#133833 - 11/16/11 03:08 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: msfrancis]
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Kemmrich Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Quote:

Thanks Kevin. I "see" what you mean. Good observations. I didn't know there were forums of that type until I just Googled them. Have you had any experience with any of them?




I think there are probably at least dozens of "active" songwriting sites out there.

I hang out at Just Plain Folks: http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php for most of my peer to peer critiquing needs. It is a fun place with lots of helping people.

For a look at the Nashville business model, SongRamp's Music Industry Insider run by Marc-Alan Barnette is great: http://www.songramp.com/mod/forumpro/ (you may have to sign up to the free account just to see that section). However, he is not going to tell you what you want to hear concerning getting your demos heard by current recording artists! But he always has great advice about everything relating to nashville country music. Not much on the "critiquing" there, though.

Give them both a try -- and I am sure others may chime in with their favorite sites.

Kevin
_________________________
Now at bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh @ bandcamp or soundcloud: Kevin @ soundcloud

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#133834 - 11/17/11 02:15 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4318
Hi msFrancis,

Welcome to the user showcase!

I liked your use of the RTs. Also liked your melody and production. Lyrically I liked the "mind says we are through...heart runs after you" and also the fantasy and reality. I liked the visual of the picture on the pillow. You have a good sense of melodic structure as Noel mentioned.

I agree with Kevin - too long. You might can get away with 4 mins. Country is the hardest genre to write. For the non artist the Nashville bar is higher than most people imagine and the number of successful writers competing for a few cuts is staggering.

Imo, you won't learn to craft tight Nashville lyrics from any peer to peer group - they are good for feedback and nice communities. It's good to belong to a few. But new and inexperienced writers can get confused with only feedback espeically from peers who haven't bothered to study the craft. If you are serious about writing country it's wise to learn from the pros so you can evaluate feedback from peers knowing what rings true.

Nashville lyrics have concrete expectations and specific criteria. Read books, take courses, attend seminars, etc. Spend as much time as you do writing on learning - especially at first. Many people make the mistake of believing the more you write the better you'll get. Imo, this is not true until you are writing while practicing specific craft you've learned.

Hope that helps you.

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#133835 - 11/17/11 07:51 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Sundance]
Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
msfrancis Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
Thanks Josie,
I REALLY appreciate the good feedback from you, Noel and Kevin. Your opinions make me want to work harder. It makes me look at the song as an outsider and in a different light. I am in the process of shortening the song and trying to tighten the story line. I hope you, Noel and Kevin will listen to the re-write and give me another critique.

Thanks again!

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#133836 - 11/17/11 10:24 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: msfrancis]
Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Kemmrich Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/27/07
Posts: 1815
Quote:


I REALLY appreciate the good feedback from you, Noel and Kevin. Your opinions make me want to work harder. It makes me look at the song as an outsider and in a different light. I am in the process of shortening the song and trying to tighten the story line. I hope you, Noel and Kevin will listen to the re-write and give me another critique.




I'll try and listen again to the next version. Two other things to consider during the re-do:

1.) All of your instruments seem to start right away and play all the way through. Look for ways to drop instruments in and out more to make it more varied sonically.

2.) Remove, as best you can, the vibrato on your voice on most of those phrase ending notes. It is fine sometimes, but when you do it every time, it becomes a little a distracting. Overall, your voice is just fine for work tapes like this.

Kevin
_________________________
Now at bandcamp: Crows Say Vee-Eh @ bandcamp or soundcloud: Kevin @ soundcloud

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#133837 - 11/17/11 11:39 AM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Hi msfrancis,

Welcome to the forum! This is a nice song, and I like a lot of the lyrics. Very good job of creating interesting phrases/images. I do agree with pretty much all the comments already entered. Country music is a very tough genre to crack into as a songwriter. A lot of really great writers there, very tough competition.

Keep up the good work here, and make sure you have fun with it as you go!

Steve
_________________________
Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

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#133838 - 11/17/11 12:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2334
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
Skyline Offline
Veteran

Registered: 02/11/03
Posts: 2334
Loc: Warwickshire, UK
This doesn't sound country to me - take away the pedal steel and you've got a straight up 60s pop ballad, I can even hear in my head a Beatles-type harmony for it!

It's nicely put together but I hope you don't mind if I point out one or two things that IMHO would improve the end result?

- Kevin (above) has made a very valid point: everything comes in at once and stays there until the end, so after one verse and chorus the song has said all it's going to say, but it takes a another three or so minutes saying it again. As Kevin says, think of where you can subtract things, e.g. start the song with just voice and guitar only, bring the rest of the instruments in at the first chorus, drop back for the next verse. And there's a neat trick you hear in many pop records but don't often notice - the 'drop chorus'. This is where the listener for the next to last chorus expects a big build, but instead you drop to just vocal and guitar or vocal and piano, and then go for the big build for the last chorusor outro. The main thing is, you've got to give the listener a reason to listen to next bit, then the next bit, and so on.

- The tempo feels too slow and draggy at about 80bpm? It just feels like it wants to pick it up a bit.

- Another mechanism for adding interest and 'feel' is very small tempo changes. Make choruses slightly faster than verses. If a band plays a song live they will instinctively speed up a little for choruses. I don't know if RealTracks are happy with that, I haven't tried it.

- Too much reverb. The whole mix seemed drenched in reverb so it sounded like I was listeng to a band in a school hall or something. Try backing some off.

I hope this doesn't come over as harsh, I don't mean it to! The important thing is to have fun.

BTW, is this song called "I'm Still Missing You" per Soundcloud or "I'm Still Loving You" per here?


Regards
John
_________________________
Songs web site
YouTube Channel
Band web site
BIAB 2017
Cakewalk by BandLab
Studio One 4

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#133839 - 11/17/11 12:04 PM [User Showcase] Re: New Song - I'm Still Missing You [Re: Kemmrich]
Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
msfrancis Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 29
Thanks Journeyman. I know I'm not a singer and the vibrato is a curse in my case but I'm going to try and improve it on the re-make. I actually let the driving guitar continue in the whole song to help keep it moving. The steel guitar and and other guitar sounds come in on the chorus to help lift the song but I understand what you are saying about adding interest through instrument selection.

Thanks!

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