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#155311 - 03/30/12 01:30 AM [User Showcase] A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hey guys this is my first tune with the new pop screen.
I think its a little better than what I have been producing sound wise any way.

Sound Cloud

All Comments welcome.

A million Sparkling Stars


Some where near the moon and mars I let her take my heart.

Just by the milky way I knew that she'd be mine.
And for all time and then some more then she,l be mine. Ooh ooh

Met her in a thunder storm lightening flashing up high.
Couldnt bare to let her just pass bye.

I asked her why and then again could she be mine.
ooh ooh

.......................................................................
A million sparkling stars dont compare to you.
The heavens up above shine down for you.
.......................................................................

Our loves been like a hurricane thers good and then some bad.

But then its like a summer breeze that takes away the sad.

But then I know that your the best thing I ever had.

Repeat Chorus.



****** Song Summary *************
Title: A million Sparkling Stars
File:Sparkstrs.SGU
Key=C , Tempo 165, Length (m:s)=2:07
No intro. 84 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 84. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Song is saved with bar changes for RealDrums Changes,
Style is _GEORGE.STY (Ctry Bal w George Fiddle (85 RS))
Style MIDI Instruments are :
RealTracks in style: ~~520:Bass, Electric, Pop HalfNotes Ev 165
RealTracks in style: ~~407:Guitar, Acoustic, Fingerpicking Ev 165
RealTracks in style: ~~524:Guitar, Acoustic, Strumming Ev 165
RealTracks in style: ~~618:Fiddle, Background Allis Ev 120
RealDrums in style: NashvilleEven8^2-a:Sidestick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat
*******************

Vocals and guitar fill me

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#155312 - 03/30/12 02:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14086
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14086
Loc: Australia
Hi Rob,

Nice, catchy song you've got happening. My fingers started tapping on the computer desk almost immediately after the intro started. The pop filters sure seems to have done it's job nicely No need to run scared of those 'p' sounds now.

In your post, you asked for comments. I hope you don't mind, and I apologize if I've over-stepped the line, but when I read your request, my "critical thinking" hat immediately flopped onto my head. As I listened, one thing that I noticed in the lyrics is that there's mixed perspective. My experience is that this usually weakens the cohesiveness of lyrics and confuses the listeners.

The first two sections ...
Quote:

Some where near the moon and mars I let her take my heart.
Just by the milky way I knew that she'd be mine.
And for all time and then some more then she,l be mine. Ooh ooh

Met her in a thunder storm lightening flashing up high.
Couldn't bare to let her just pass bye.
I asked her why and then again could she be mine.
ooh ooh



... are first person narrative. That is, a story about "I" the singer and "she", the character that the singer is telling the audience about.

Then when you get to ...
Quote:

A million sparkling stars dont compare to you.
The heavens up above shine down for you.



The lyrics' perspective changes to second person, direct address; where you are now talking directly to "you" and no longer telling a story to the audience.

In the last section, the word "Our" can mean either "she and I" or "you and I". Thus "Our" works for both perspectives.

Considering the above, I think it would help to make the song lyrically stronger if the perspective was consistent. To accomplish this, try either:

(a) replacing "her" and "she" with "you";
(b) replacing "you" with "her".

Just my thoughts. Please feel free to take or leave as you see fit.

All in all, I enjoyed listening

All the best,
Noel

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#155313 - 03/30/12 03:52 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hey Noel.

Had a bit of a giggle when I read your comments.
Not that I was giggling at you but I didnt realise how complex the songs lyrics were.

I guess I could use the excuse that Im Schizophrenic.

No I dont think you over-stepped the line, so need need to apologize

Thanks for your imformative comments.

Your not a school teacher by any chance?

Regards Rob

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#155314 - 03/30/12 05:02 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14086
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
Veteran

Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14086
Loc: Australia
Hi Rob,
Quote:

Your not a school teacher by any chance?



Is it that obvious!!!! I've also been to around a dozen weekend songwriting workshops by Prof. Pat Pattison (http://www.patpattison.com) who, to my mind, is one of the world's experts on lyrics. Have a look at some of the videos on his webpage and you'll see what I mean. Pat's book, Writing Better Lyrics (2nd Ed.), is one of my constants references and re-reads. I'm slowly feeling more comfortable with writing lyrics these days but I've still got a long way to go. My second favorite book of Pat's is Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure.

Glad I didn't step on any toes

Regards,
Noel

P.S. Like the koala.
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#155315 - 03/30/12 05:00 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hey again Noel.
Checked out the web site .
Looks interesting.

Regards Rob

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#155316 - 03/30/12 10:41 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 01/08/11
Posts: 2770
Tommyc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 01/08/11
Posts: 2770
Yea new Pop Screen IronBarkBob that should stop those Pea's dead in their tracks! Seems like you get better with every song!

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#155317 - 03/31/12 12:45 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Tommyc]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hey Tommyc.
How you getting along?

Got a new one to put up in a couple of days.

Thanks for commenting.

Rob

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#155318 - 03/31/12 11:14 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Tim Lawrence Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Hey Rob,

I really like the lyrics.
Sorry but my computer locks up about half the time I try to access Sound cloud, so I didn't even try to give it a listen.
But as I said the lyrics look good.

Tim

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#155319 - 03/31/12 12:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Tim Lawrence]
Registered: 01/08/11
Posts: 2770
Tommyc Offline
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Registered: 01/08/11
Posts: 2770
Have you tried a different browser Tim?

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#155320 - 03/31/12 02:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Tommyc]
Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Tim Lawrence Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Hi Tommyc,

I've tried IE and the latest version of FireFox.
Firefox was actually working pretty good with Sound Cloud for a while, then started only working about half the time.
I don't mind that, but when the computer locks and I have to do a hard reboot I start to get concerned about screwing up my computer by not shutting it down in the normal way.
Because of other browsers out there not working with speech I'm limited to using IE or fire fox.
I've sent bug reports off to Fire Fox every time it happened, so I'm hoping the next version of FF will solve the problem.
Unfortunately till then I don't feel comfortable accessing Sound cloud.

Tim

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#155321 - 03/31/12 07:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Tim Lawrence]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hello Tim.

Im about to try a new site called Indaba.
Will post link when uploaded.

Sorry to hear about your pc issues.

Regards Rob

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#155322 - 03/31/12 08:16 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hello Tim.
Here is the link to Indaba.
Hope it work regards Rob.

http://www.indabamusic.com/asset/show/1708561#

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#155323 - 04/01/12 01:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11595
Loc: Hamlin NY
MarioD Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/27/03
Posts: 11595
Loc: Hamlin NY
Hi Rob,
This is really really good.

Two thumbs ups.

FYI – I have no problems what so ever using IE8 when listening via Sound Cloud.
_________________________
Politicians, like diapers, occasionally need to be changed. Usually for the same reason!

64 bit Win 10 Pro - the latest BiaB and RB - Roland Octa-Capture audio interface - a ton of software and some hardware.

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#155324 - 04/01/12 05:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: MarioD]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hey MarioD.
Thanks for the two thumbs up.

Regards Rob

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#155325 - 04/02/12 05:54 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1667
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Rob,

Two more thumbs up!

Another good one! Noel gave some good advice. The good thing about being schizophrenic is that you can do all your own background vocals!

(And I can listen to SoundCloud from any browser.)

Steve
_________________________
Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

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#155326 - 04/02/12 06:33 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Tim Lawrence Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 12/27/11
Posts: 348
Loc: Long Beach California. United ...
Hey Bob,

Thanks much for the new link. It worked.
I'm glad I got to hear this one. Like very much.
Your voice sort of reminds me of Marty Robbins, also your style as well.
Definitely a keeper.
Look forward to hearing more.

Tim

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#155327 - 04/02/12 07:09 PM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Tim Lawrence]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Your a funny guy Steve you make me laugh.

The other good thing about being schizophrenic is you always have some one to talk to.

Rob

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#155328 - 04/03/12 03:37 AM [User Showcase] Re: A million Sparkling Stars: With POP Screen [Re: Rob4580]
Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Rob4580 Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 01/28/12
Posts: 2459
Loc: Murgon Queensland Australia
Hi Tim.
Glad you where able to hear my tune.

Thanks for the comparison to Marty Robins.
Regards Rob

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