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#195458 - 02/22/13 12:28 PM [User Showcase] Mechanical World
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Here's a new song: Mechanical World

All instruments except for the shaker are BiaB. It started out as using the MIDI FOLK style, but not much of that made it to the final mix.

The harmonies definitely need to be bumped up. The lead vocal probably should be re-done - I'm a bit too far from the mike, and there are lots of iffy notes. The drum at 0:10 needs some finessing as well.

I'll probably also replace the solo on the bridge, since it doesn't really go anywhere.

Lyric:

It's a mechanical world, it's a windup world;
it's a world that's fallen from grace
And I can't help believing these things I'm seeing
are like the picture of Dorian Gray

Who holds the lock a key?
Who put the stone in place?
Who walks where no one sees?
Runs away to hide their face?

It's a mechanical world, it's a rundown world
that's been aimlessly spinning through space.
And I can't keep believing a dream so misleading
that's lead me so far and astray

Who wound the clockwork key
Turned the cogs and gears within?
Who built this mystery
Of burnished brass and shining tin?

It's a mechanical world, it's a windup world
It's a world in sad disarray
The mainspring's unwinding with dead hours chiming
and clockwork is ticking the moments away



Any comments welcome.


Edited by dcuny (02/22/13 05:55 PM)
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#195459 - 02/22/13 12:53 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
PgFantastic Offline
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Registered: 02/11/05
Posts: 2646
Loc: Kentucky
Sounds like you found the Vocal Control thing in Pro Tools,LOL! Excellent production and very well performed! I also listened to How Great Thou Art fine piece of work! Thanks for sharing!


My Tunes
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Psalm 57:7 My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music.

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#195460 - 02/22/13 02:22 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: PgFantastic]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Thanks for listening and the kind words, Robert!

There's still quite a bit of "scoop" in the vocals, but I can live with that.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#195461 - 02/22/13 02:47 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6928
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6928
Loc: Florida
David,

The only guy who puts up a song and then critiques it before anyone else can... Which I guess isn't surprising since your "reviews" of songs are often more detailed, insightful and thoughtful than anyone elses..

The production and mix are really good. That opening piano is nice! I can't say I understand all the lyrics (not the pronunciation... the meaning), but that's not really important here... They are still very cool lyrics. They have a sci-fi feeling to them - and that's where I have a "bump". Your instruments/production are very organic. For your lyric, I would think just the opposite would be the ticket - more modern "manufactured" sounds - the "loop thing". And a "highly processed" vocal track - almost robotic.

Unless I'm TOTALLY missing the meaning in your lyric... am I?

Don't get me wrong. I think you've done a great job. Just "surprised" by how "organic" the production is...

floyd
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

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#195462 - 02/22/13 02:52 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14876
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14876
Loc: Australia
Hey David,

I like it. The mix is really well balanced and the arrangement is skilfully assembled. Despite what you said about the vocals, I didn't hear anything that I'd change. I loved the rhyme "believing / misleading", that one grabbed the attention of the lyricist within me. Equally, the two chords out of the instrumental bridge made a little voice in my head pop up and say "ooooh, very nice".

I enjoyed it and I'm going back for another listen now.

Regards,
Noel
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#195463 - 02/22/13 03:23 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Thanks, Noel.

I'd expected you'd ding me on "believing/misleading" as it was a bit clunky. It's a close rhyme - I've read Pattison's book on rhyming - but it doesn't exactly roll off the tongue! (On that topic, RhymeZone is a nice resource).

The "misleading" lyric being followed by "led me so far" feels redundant. If I re-do the vocals, I'll fix that.

Sadly, the "Mephistopheles" lyric didn't make the final cut. That was an awesome rhyme, but that (and a "Faustian bargain" line) took an already pretentious song a bit too far.

The initial mix had the BiaB harmonies much more up front, which I liked. I rationalized that the slightly robotic sound made sense given the song's theme, and I sort of miss them. But I figured I should get around to posting something, instead of dawdling over this thing forever.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#195464 - 02/22/13 03:45 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14876
Loc: Australia
Noel96 Offline
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Registered: 10/31/08
Posts: 14876
Loc: Australia
Hi again, David.

I didn't hear the "believing/misleading" rhyme as clunky at all. The reason it works (for me at least) is because the "-LEE-" syllable is such a good sonic link ("L" is a strong sound and "ee" is a good long vowel sound). Trailing with "-ing" diminishes the impact of the "v/d" relationship. Nope. Whatever you say, it's a clever rhyme!

By the way, do you have Rhymesaurus? It's not available for Mac, only PC. It's from http://www.purpleroom.com and is absolutely THE BEST lyrics resource I have. It's possible to look for rhymes a heaps of ways. The software also has the ability to look for word patterns, too. For example, say I wanted a word that was three syllables long, began with 'mis' and had the middle syllable stressed, Rhymesaurus makes it possible. Pattern searching is also brilliant for looking for alliteration possibilities.

If you don't have this, I've just checked on the website and the program is only $12.95 now. I promise you, it'll be $12.95 well spent!

Just passing the information along in case it's of interest.

Regards,
Noel
_________________________
LINKS TO MY BIAB/RB SONGS


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#195465 - 02/22/13 04:14 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Hi, Floyd.

First of all, thanks for posting Bull by the Horns! After listening, instead of posting a comment I figured the better thing to do would be to finally write a song.

Which I did... And then I put it aside and pulled out this song, which I'd been struggling with for much longer than I want to admit.

The plan for this song was that I'd start with some sort of sound effects (clockwork and ticking) and fade into the main percussion track. I've been listening to Freudiana for the last couple of weeks, and was thinking about Let Yourself Go in particular. I'd even pulled up a bunch of SoundFont O1W and M1 samples in hopes of finding something appropriate. (What I really want is an M1:Legacy).

I didn't find any drum tracks in BiaB that I liked. I finally punted and put together backing track using the FOLK track, figuring that I'd replace it with something else (which I ended up doing). And the same as I usually do, I generated a bunch of RealTracks to import into my DAW.

And - much to my own surprise - this is what I ended up with. The first mix had the BiaB generated harmony much fuller, and I've pulled back from that, mostly for clarity, but also because the harmonies are more natural. I'd also considered starting out with a "telephone" voice effect, since the vocal already has a notched sort of sound - at least on the opening phrase.

Instead of fiddling with it forever, I figured I'd post it first.

As for the meaning of the lyric, if you combine The Wasteland's crowd flowing over London Bridge with an army of brass Tik Tok men from Oz sadly marching over said bridge, I think you've got it.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#195466 - 02/22/13 04:26 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: Noel96]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Noel, thanks for the suggestion! I've blown my non-existent budget on Songwriting: Essential Guide to Lyric Form and Structure and Songwriting: Essential Guide to Songwriting, which I found at the local used book store. But I'll keep it in mind!
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#195467 - 02/22/13 04:37 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6928
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
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Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 6928
Loc: Florida
David,

Thanks for the links you posted in reply - they are quite interesting, and I intend to return and listen to them all... for now, I just skipped through them to "get a feel". They all sound like ... what I would expect your music would sound like to go with your lyric... a very cool lyric, I might add (I TRULY hope that I did not offend you in any way by my comments...) I just thought they DESERVED a different kind of music - and by the links you posted. it appears that you were intending to "head in that direction" - the clock ticking would have been THE PERFECT beginning. (not my "area", but I would think that some of the new Euro drums might work for this - I don't know - Guenter certainly comes up with some "different" stuff!! And Robert has found some interesting new directions..)

You should post the lyrics. They are interesting enough for that...read The Wasteland years ago - would rather read your lyrics at this point... <grin>

The "Bull By The Horns" post was sort of in response to all the "what about this and what about this and why can't it do this and what if it did this and have you ever tried playing sitar over the internet and do you practice this and do you watch this" stuff going on over in OT. Seems to me if people would spent the time it takes to write those posts, actually trying to make some music using BIAB - they might actually have a song or two to show for it.....

And... FOLK was a funny place to start for this... just saying....

I think this could be a VERY COOL song. It needs backing tracks that reflect the lyric.. Oh.. something just occurred to me... the tracks need to be more MECHANICAL...

floyd
_________________________
125+ BIAB Songs

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#195468 - 02/22/13 06:20 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
No offense taken, Floyd! Those were exactly the sorts of questions I was wondering - and it's my song!

Lyrics are posted up top now.

The two most popular "robot" songs would be the end credits to Portal - Still Alive and Want You Gone. "Want You Gone" is more along the lines of what we're talking about.

I'll see what I can do, but the sad reality is that I've been fighting with this song for a couple decades, and at this point the song is still winning.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

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#195469 - 02/22/13 06:57 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Naples FL
pariahdise Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: 11/09/12
Posts: 89
Loc: Naples FL
I liked listening to this. Played it three times, partially to try to make sure it was topical in nature, which I admire, and/or to hear whether it had any religious undertones Not that I have anything against religion(s), or religious music, for that matter, but I have a special affinity towards those with skill enough to write a religious song without actually mentioning a deity by name or title. I feel as though you might have tried to do just that here with this number, but I could be altogether wrong. A great effort anyway, and a catchy tune.

RG
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https://soundcloud.com/rfgoggin

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#195470 - 02/22/13 07:04 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 126
Loc: Texas
austin51 Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 11/25/12
Posts: 126
Loc: Texas

Hi David,

Very interesting song. You must be a perfectionist that struggles with not being able to get what is exactly in your head into a song.

I've read the comments about the lyrics and being backed by mechanical sounds and such.

My comment is that it works on two levels. You could have reflected the lyrics with an industrial backing and that would be very interesting.

Still, it works as a folk song. Sort of a protest song about the state of the world. Folkies sung about all kinds of things with acoustic backing.

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#195471 - 02/23/13 10:46 AM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: austin51]
Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
boehm Offline
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Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 2868
Loc: Karlsruhe, Germany
Antwort auf:

Very interesting song. You must be a perfectionist that struggles with not being able to get what is exactly in your head into a song.

I've read the comments about the lyrics and being backed by mechanical sounds and such.

My comment is that it works on two levels. You could have reflected the lyrics with an industrial backing and that would be very interesting.

Still, it works as a folk song.




I like it as it is, but I also would be very interested
in an experimental version.

Guenter

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#195472 - 02/24/13 02:39 AM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: boehm]
Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Sundance Offline
Veteran

Registered: 05/30/08
Posts: 4414
Hey David,

To me, this arrangement is not bad at all but it's too soft sell for this song. I think if you want to keep this folk that's totally cool. Replacing some of the soft instruments by adding some edgier guitar(s) could go a long way in reinforcing your vocal which is nice with the edgy lyrics.

Obviously the only one you have to please is yourself - just my two cents.

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#195473 - 02/24/13 03:29 AM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: Sundance]
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
dcuny Offline
Veteran

Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 2629
Loc: Sacramento, California
Thanks all for the positive feedback! I've fiddled a bit more with the mix and have an alternate version:

Mechanical World (Alternate Mix)

I added some vocoder to it (inspired by the APP's The Raven), but that got a serious thumbs down from all family members. It's still there, but toned down quite a bit.

The BiaB harmonies are much more prominent. I'm using the conceit that the robotic element enhances the lyric, but the truth is that I'm too lazy to redo the vocals.

I also replaced the keyboard solo with a sax solo - still quite the right choice, but it'll get my son to stop complaining.

For now, I think I'm going to leave the song alone... Coming up with the "right" arrangement means starting from scratch, and I'm too close to this version right now.
_________________________
-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?

Top
#195474 - 02/24/13 06:36 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 3888
Loc: Woodstock, NY
rsdean Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/09/10
Posts: 3888
Loc: Woodstock, NY
David,

Always enjoy when you post your stuff. Interesting and unique song - I really liked the feel and mix.

Bob
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#195475 - 02/24/13 10:49 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: rsdean]
Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1738
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
Steve Young Offline
Expert

Registered: 06/17/10
Posts: 1738
Loc: Canyon Lake, TX
David,

Is it a mechanical world, or a material world?

Seriously, I enjoyed this song. Personally, I like your first mix better. The vocoder voices in the second mix are just a tad to "mechanical" sounding for me. Oh well...

I chuckled when I read Floyd's comments! I do enjoy your detailed, and thoughtful comments.

It's good to hear you singing on the forum.

Steve
_________________________
Steve Young
Music
"In order to compose, all you need to do is remember a tune that nobody else has thought of." - Robert Schumann

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#195476 - 02/25/13 02:45 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: Steve Young]
Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6514
Loc: South Louisiana
Danny C. Offline
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Registered: 03/18/04
Posts: 6514
Loc: South Louisiana
David,

For starters I too liked the 1st arrangement better than the second. With this said the song worked for me in ever respect.

Nice job,
_________________________
Danny C.
www.dannycampo.com
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Danny-Campo/379776252109306?skip_nax_wizard=true

The More You Drink The Better I Sound

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#204826 - 05/30/13 05:01 PM [User Showcase] Re: Mechanical World [Re: dcuny]
Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1650
gruverider Offline
Expert

Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 1650
great lyrics, and I like how the acoustic instruments contrast the lyrics

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