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David Snyder #484624 08/04/18 08:51 AM
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Originally Posted By: David Snyder
Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

I got the same vibe from the lyrics. But in a rare display on tact on my part, I wasn't going to mention anything. After all, it's between married consenting adults.

Just enjoy it before that honey-tinged massage oil becomes BENGAY®. wink

This also reminds me of a number of praise songs I've heard where the "alternate" reading is rather... unfortunate.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
dcuny #484662 08/04/18 03:18 PM
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Dave,

There are just SO many directions I could take this, but I am hitting a brick wall at every turn.

Wrong forum.

wink

Back to the wife!!!

smile

dcuny #484782 08/05/18 11:01 PM
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Originally Posted By: dcuny
Originally Posted By: Paul Haynes
I wrote this song aimed at myself.

I got to thinking how you could go about making this message less direct, and "The Gambler" came to mind - in that song, instead of the singer talking to the listener, it was a character talking to a singer.

So a different approach would be to have the singer getting advice from a mechanic - "I don't know anything about love, but I know about fixing stuff..." sort of conceit, with the listener being able to make the jump between fixing rusty bolts and a relationship.

I don't know that it would be a better - I'm not saying there's anything wrong with the direct approach - just saying it's a slightly different way to approach it. You'd have to waste at least one verse on the setup, so it's certainly not as efficient.


You've given me something to think about that I had never thought of before. Thank you for your suggestions and tips.

David Snyder #484783 08/05/18 11:04 PM
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Originally Posted By: David Snyder
CHORUS
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil
Soak her in your love - every day
As it penetrates - to the hardest place
Wait for your breakthrough - and pray for grace
Love your Wife - like penetrating oil


Paul, if I show this to my wife I am going to lose 3 hours right in the middle of my day.

Oh heck, why not.

smile


You've brought a sexual element into a song that never entered my head! Is that how people are "reading" this song? If so I have a BIG problem to fix!!

Last edited by Paul Haynes; 08/05/18 11:05 PM.
Paul Haynes #484790 08/06/18 02:33 AM
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Paul,

It was very subtle.

Other subtle songs in this vein include Little Red Corvette by Prince, Sexual Healing, by Marvin Gaye,and Sex Machine by James Brown.

So, I wouldn't worry about it man. No one will catch on.

Seriously though, good song!!!

smile

Paul Haynes #484830 08/06/18 07:42 AM
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Enjoy this one Paul, you did a good job on the vocals, seems to be in the perfect center. CLiff

cliftond #485580 08/12/18 10:21 AM
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Originally Posted By: cliftond
Enjoy this one Paul, you did a good job on the vocals, seems to be in the perfect center. CLiff


Thank you Cliff

Paul Haynes #486288 08/17/18 09:24 AM
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Paul, I agree with Mario all the way on this. It is a catchy tune and your vocal is outstanding on it! I would also love to hear what it would sound like with some harmony in the vocals in places but as you said were never done with our tunes. You’ve done excellent work here so far! Thanks, Torrey

Last edited by Torrey Bliss; 08/20/18 04:35 AM.



Torrey Bliss #486757 08/20/18 04:17 AM
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Originally Posted By: Torrey Bliss
Paul, I agree with Merrio all the way on this. It is a catchy tune and your vocal is outstanding on it! I would also love to hear what it would sound like with some harmony in the vocals in places but as you said were never done with our tunes. You’ve done excellent work here so far! Thanks, Torrey


Hi Torney

Many thanks for your kind words. I started to rewrite the words from the position of talking about a man and his story as one suggested they were not keen on the “preachy” type of songwriting. I’m still thinking about that one. Also as some have read into my song a sexual connotation I’ve started to rewrite the words to remove all possibility of that being so, but it has changed the song somewhat which is a shame. However I broke my fibula just over a week ago and now can’t get around easily and especially not into my office where its a bit tricky. That all said, when i get back to editing I will continue where I left off. I would like to add a piano to pad some chords and I would like to add harmony as you suggested so it certainly is not a finished song yet. I’ll report back in the future with an update when I can.

God bless, Paul

Last edited by Paul Haynes; 08/20/18 04:17 AM.
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