PG Music Home Forums General Discussion User Showcase If The Phone Don’t Ring (You’ll Know That It’s Me)

Hi y’all,

some of you know I grew up with a lot of blues and (old-school) R&B. And since the number of topics sung about in those genres is not really infinite, I’ve heard a lot of songs dealing with mean women who were messing around leaving their boy friends or husbands in deep and dark dispair.

Well, I thought it was about time (if not my darn duty) to flip the ... eh ... to tell such a ruthless lady off, so here’s my modest blues rock shuffle contribution to the rehabilitation of male self-esteem. (What do you mean by’ There are also men who cheat on their ladies.’? No kiddin’...?).

If The Phone Don’t Ring (You’ll Know That It’s Me).

- VIDEO (+ lyrics)

- AUDIO (+ lyrics)

- AUDIO (on Soundcloud)

Watching the corresponding video you will be dazzled (if not blinded...) by an overwhelming amount of beauty: sheer beauty, even eternal beauty, but - all things must pass - also fading beauty.

And you will be witness of the most heartwarming moment, when my dear old friend and fellow musician from the 70s, Peter „Mr Saxy“ Suessmuth, will finally get the reward from his (mostly female) fans that he had been waiting for almost his entire life.

Most of the video scenes were already recorded in January when Maha was still healthy and thus could appear in the video and support resp. brighten up the horns section.

Hope you’ll enjoy the song and the video - take care,

Stefan

********************************************

Here’s the technical stuff:

Created my own RealStyle using the following RealTracks:

RealDrums-BluesRockShuffle^1-HHt,OpnHHt
RT1583:Bass, Electric, TexasBluesRockShuffle Sw 130
RT655:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm TexasBoogieShuffle Sw 140 (A:
RT1591:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm TexasBluesRockShuffle Sw 130
RT1953:Sax, Alto, Soloist TexasBluesRockShuffleMark Sw 130

Wrote the horns arrangement using the PianoRoll and had the MIDI tracks played back by Big Fish’s Vintage Horns (via Kontakt 5)

Maha used RealBand plus some 3rd-party plug-ins for the mix and Ozone 8 adv. for some mastering. I’m extremely proud of her, because she’s still anything but healthy.

Man, am I going to be first again?!

Outstanding, Stefan, great song, performance by all (love the sax!), and video is tons of fun.

Clever how you flipped the image playing the strat (or can you play leftie too?)

Very much enjoyed, well done.

Nicely done! Very catchy, and the video gave me a good chuckle I thought the MIDI here was really well utilized, and the mix was concise and professional. Catchy on the hook too.

Thanks for sharing!

Fun tune!! Lots of energy and excitement! I really like the attitude in the lyric! Horns sound great! Buffett has a song called "If the phone doesn't ring, it's me" which is a really cool song too. Really fun video too! Enjoyed the whole enchilada!!! Take care. Greg

Stefan (& Maha)...

The first thing that struck me - right off the bat - was how good the mix was!!
The vocal is "tucked in" perfectly into a very big sound (as it should be for a rock song), yet is clear enough to understand every word. Not many folks ever "get that right". Very impressive.

The horns are extremely well done!

The bass, drums and guitars all sound good - clear, distinctive, yet (again) very well "tucked in the mix". Good vocals.

A clever write (as usual). And a very well done video - your best, I think.

Everybody's work on this is good. Maha deserves a special "shout out" for her mixing/mastering work on this...

fj

Stefan,
This is totally awesome tune, generously soaked in creativity and humor. You are a huge asset of this forum. Enjoyed this a lot! Thumbs up to Maha.
I wish I could take a few master classes from you
Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

Stefan,
A terrific write, arrangement,performance, production...and wigs!!
Very cool.

Robert

You tell her, Stefan. The band rocks and the arrangement is strong. There's some good humor in the lyric, but it's not over-the-top "jokey". That's the blues. Another laugh-out-loud moment when underwears start flying onto the stage. Wonderful entertaining package and sounds good too.

That was a lot of fun to watch and listen to! Nice mix, clever music, fun video!

(And good work with the horns!)

That was fun! The title (chorus) is clever and quite a hook. Solid production and songwriting. I listened to the audio first and then went to the video. I'm glad I did. Excellent production work on the video too.

Stefan

Brilliant video - amazing job very inventive and a superb collection of wigs.

Rocking blues song - excellent mix, sounds pro all the way.

Clever, inventive & funny - a complete package.

Peter

Hi Dave,

yes, you managed to be the first again (and almost the last, too (

I'm glad that you enjoyed the song and the video and I really appreciate your very nice comment on both.

Can I play leftie? Man, I'm afraid I can't even play rightie properly.. Yes I mirrored the guitarist as I did with the Jeanoes: Recorded one, duplicated and then mirrored it.

Thanks again for your kind words.

Take care,

Stefan

Thanks for your kind words, Deryk. If the video gave you a good chuckle: Waht more could I ask for?

Maha was very happy to read your comment on the mix and says 'Thank you', too.

Cheers,

Stefan

Hello Greg,

it's nice to read that we obviously share the same sense of humour and that you enjoyed the song and the video, so thanks a lot for your positive comment!

Well, your hint that there's already a song with a pretty similar title came quite as a big surprise to me: I didn't even know that Warren Buffet was a singer, too. I always thought that he was the richest man in the world and there was no need for him to perform outside Wall Street...

Seriously - as I wrote in the video intro I did not invent the song title myself. When a British lady (a friend of my brother's) heard I've Changed For The Better (months before I published it), she provided me with a list of ten weird song titles which all tickled my fancy and would have been big fun to expand to fun lyrics, but most of them were - well - pretty inappropriate.

The one I used was the most (if not the only) innocuous one; the next one would have been something like 'I gave her my ring, but she gave me the f**ger.' See - couldn't use any more of that 'material'. And that's why I named her the 'Queen of Inappropriate Song Titles'...

Thanks again for your kind remarks.

Take care,

Stefan

Doctor Floyd,,

I think you can't imagine the impact of your very kind words on Maha's mix. In the course of her illness she lost so much self-confidence that hadn't dared to keep mixing up for months. And when I finally managed to persuade her to have a go again she was sure that her work wasn't good - even whenn I and friends of ours told her that she had done a great job.

But since you are something like this forum's silverback (hope that this expression is as positive in English as it is in German...) and your judgement means especially much, your words really psyched her up - I'm extremely grateful for that, thank you so much for that.

And, of course, I want to thank you for your kind comment on the song and the video, too. If people are entertained by my stuff that's all I do it for.

All the best,

Stefan

Dear Misha,

wow: 'generously soaked in creativity and humor' - what a comment.... Thank you so much for that, and I hope you will not be mad at me, if I might use that fabulous phrase on an other occasion.

Your comment means especially much to me as I know that you have a very adoroble sense of humor yourself.

Well - master class? Whenever you want, whatever you want. Since I don't think that the technical side of the video production is of too much interest for the majority of our forum friends, you can drop me a PM with any question you might have and I will be happy to explain, describe, give tips - whatever.

But here's one thing I can tell you right now: It's not rocket science - the most important ingredients are time and patience. Oh yes: and wigs, of course. So don't hesitate to contact me - I'd be flattered if you did.

Thanks again for a terrific comment.

Take care,

Stefan

Hi Robert,

thanks a lot for your very friendly comment - I really appreciate it a lot and I'm glad you enjoyed everything. Especially the wigs, of course.

Take care,

Stefan

Folks here on the forum often use the term "ear candy." Well, this is ear AND eye candy

As floyd so eloquently and concisely stated the mix is superb. A couple bars in and you know that it is "right."

There's no need, given all that's already been said, to parse out all the elements of the mix. It's simply all there and all in the right place.
A wonderful sound stage.

And the video...your creativity seems to have no bounds. Beyond the technical wizardry it is simply FUN. So much to take in.
It was hard not to wonder what might follow the "under clothes" being tossed on the stage!

The on screen band and the BiaB band are as Gregg Allman used to say "hittin' the note."

The vocals nailed the feel. Perfecto. And a fine delivery of the cool lyric.

Y'all have a closet full of wigs?

Kudos to you and more kudos to Maha for the fine mix and mastering. Her efforts are obvious.

J&B

Its all been said.
Great tune loved it.

I really liked the use of the sax, and I felt this song had a good sense of humor to it. Thanks for sharing! w

What a blast to watch! Love those horns, great sound and vocals excellent from start to finish. So sorry to hear your partner is ill.

As per Rob's comment, it's all been said, and every plaudit is thoroughly deserved.
(I checked out the Jimmy Buffett song Greg mentioned, by the way, as it isn't one I'd heard, so an added bonus!)
Regards,
Leon

Stefan "the entertainer" comes through again.
A crisp almost sing along blues shuffle with honking.
Loved it.

Great rocker with nice progression. Enjoyable vocals and whole mix. Those horns are simply superb, excellent work! Clever title and the lyrics have many funny and great moments like "The doctor loves his wife and the pastor loves to pray,the teacher loves his books and the postman is gay." Good work with the video too, I admire your patience to make all those details

Janne

Hi Greg,

I finally managed to have a look and listen to JB's 'If the Phone Doesn't Ring'. Oh boy, if I had known about that song (with even the complete lien '... you'll know that it's me') I don't think I would have used it... I guess that Geraldine must have heard that song some time and remebered it without knowing... But luckily Jimmy and I had really different approaches to the topic... And he can sing...

All the best,

Stefan

Such a cool video. So creative. The effort you put into your music and videos is incredible. Love your work. Well done...

Hi Tangmo,

thank you so much for your great feedback - I know that you have a really good sense of humor and that you know a lot about music, so I appreciate your kind words even more.

All the best,

Stefan

Thank you very much for your kind words, David. I'm really glad you enjoyed both the song and the video.

Take care,

Stefan

Hi Scott,

I'm always flattered to get your nice comments on my stuff, so I'd like to thank you this time, too, for your positive notes. It's always great to get to know that others enjoy what I meant to be funny (because you never know...).

All the best,

Stefan

Hello Peter,

thank you so much for your kind review which means a lot to me. I passed your kind words on the mix and production to Maha whom you made really happy with your comment.

Cheers,

Stefan

Dear Janice, dear Bud,

well, well, well - well, well, well ... what am I supposed to reply to this incredibly nice comment... OK, in the first place I can (and will) say 'Thank you so much !!!!', but then I have to add immediately that your reviews always are sonething very special to Maha and me, because we know about your incredible musical and technical abilities.

Maha is still blushing because of your kind remarks on her mixing (hope that she'll be getting her normal color of complexion again soon, because blushing that much reminds me of people with too high blood pressure... )

You bet we had tons of fun recording the video, especially recording Mr Saxy was a very special experience, believe me.

Well, you're wondering what might have happened after the bras had flown onto the stage...

Now that you've got to know me a bit you will believe me that the members of any of my bands had their moral standards (what do you mean by 'which level?'?) and there's no doubt that Peter..., I mean I'm sure that..., I guess that Peter... eh... I hope that Peter remebered what they say about poison ivy: You can look, but you better not touch!'

But now, as I'm thinking the scene over and over again, I'm not that faithful anymore - after all there's temptation lurking everywhere (as we both, Budd, will blurredly remeber from our younger days).

No, we don't have a closet full of wigs. We have two closets full of wigs. And mustaches and beards. And sun-glasses. And costumes none of us would dare to wear in the public. (Unless we'd get a lot of money to do so, that is...)

Thank you once again for your very kind words - they do mean soooooo much to us.

Have a nice weekend and take care,

Stefan

Thanks a lot, Rob - I really appreciate your kind words very much.

Cheers,

Stefan

Thank you very much, Ember. It's nice to read that you liked the thing and enjoyed what I meant to be the funny side of it, too.

All the best,

Stefan

Hello Josie,

what a nice review - thank you so much for it !!!! I passed your positive words on the sound part to Maha who's undoubtedly improving another bit with every plaudit.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed 'the package.

All the best,

Stefan

Hi Leon,

thanks a lot for your kind remark - I'm glad you liked the song and video.

Finally checked out the Jimmy Buffet song, too, a couple of days ago - I don't feel comfortable with the fact that I (unknowingly) - used the same words, but apart from that there are so many differences between his and my song. In the first place: He can sing...

Cheers,

Stefan

Thanks a lot, Ray - what more could I ask for than you telling me you liked it.

Take care,

Stefan

Enjoyed the listen and the video. The video production must of took a serious amount of effort. The lyrics are hysterical. Well mixed and produced.

Thank you very much, Janne, I really appreciate your very kind words a lot and it made me glad to read you enjoyed the thing.. BTW: The line you mentioned is my favorite, too ...

Take care,

Stefan

Hi Scitt,

I always appreciate your kind feedback a lot - it's so nice to read that you love what we're doing. So thank you very much for your kind words.

And we'll try our best to come up with more stuff you will hopefully enjoy as well.

All the best,

Stefan

Hi Marc,


'The lyrics are hysterical.' - that's exactly the description I've been waiting for ; you couldn't have given me a bigger compliment... So thank you so much for your very kind feedback and taking the time to watch and listen.

All the best,

Stefan

Hi Stefan,

This is an outstanding performace! Not only the swinging bluesy song, but also your video.
Very nicely done. Too much to tell about what I liked, but let me focus on the hornsection, the triple you and the female clothes thrown on the stage. I counted 3 bra's, a little too much for one girl? ;-)

I missed you some days, now I know why. You and Maha must have worked very hard on this production. Aber das Ergebnis ist großartig (But the result is amazing).

Nice day,
Hans

You always never fail to entertain. Well done in all respects.... from the writing of the song, to the recording, to the video work.

Hats off to you!

Stefan,

Wow, killer production on this; totally digging the sound. It just jumps out and grabs you from start to finish. Terrific hook—awesome sax! So much to love about this one. Awesome work!

My humble regards,

Deej

Hi Hans,

thanks a lot - I know that we share - at least partially - the same sense of humor and music.

As to your question: How about the bras...? Well, I asked Peter (Mr Saxy). According to him there were at least 5 bras, all different sizes, so the number of his female fans is obviously larger than you had thought.

And I can read your thoughts - you want to know what happened to the bras after the show, right? Well, Peter says that he donated them to poor women who apparantly can't afford proper underwear - he murmured something like 'Sent them to 'De Wallethes' .

Do you have any idea what he meant?

Groetjes

Stefan

Hi Herb,

thanks a lot for your friendly and positive comment. I'm relly glad you felt entertained and had some fun listening and watching.

Take care,

Stefan

Well, Deej, the same with your nice comment: It just jumped out and grabbed me - thank you so much for that.

All the best,

Stefan

Yes indeed Stefan, you read my thoughts and also I'm no good in counting bra's, that's for sure.
But I think you misspelled that word in blue. I think you meant 'de wallen', or 'de walletjes'. That is the redlight district in my neighbourhood, Amsterdam. But there they don't need them...

Better you keep going making outstanding songs and videos and keep off the beer.

Auf wiedersehen,
Hans

Hi Stefan,

Outstanding! Probably the best video you have shown us so far!

I love the song and the lyrics.

Making videos has been a part of my education, but I am not sure I would be able to make them as good as you do. You are so talented, Stefan!

The Sound, the mixing and the general production is very good... I guess that is Mahas work so please tell her that she is the best...


Looking forward to my next adventure in "Stefan and Maha World"!

Take care my friend!
Will

That's a riot. The entire production, from the first click to the web page and the last note of the video was masterful and very entertaining. Congratulations to you all.

Hello Stefan,

Wonderful blues song!
The vocal is great.
Your horn arrangement is very cool and excellent.
Big Fish’s Vintage Horns sound really nice.
Enjoyed my listen a lot.

Best regards.

Shigeki Adachi

Dear Stefan...

From its iconic title, to your jumpin', juke joint music and the full-throated horn arrangement you worked out for it, If The Phone Don't Ring is a professionally-pitched, blues club-ready headliner!

It's 'bad-to-the-bone' from the ground up and would surely take the house down in a 'live' performance. The lyrics are a torrent of inspired, inventive blues song writing, covering all the bases you'd expect from a 'you done me wrong' song.

You've got this genre down pat, Stefan, and I mean straight, no chaser . I'll be waiting to hear you take it up another notch in your next production!

- bluage -

Dear Will,

well, that was quite a review... thank you sooooo much for it. I passed your plaudit on the mix to Maha an she was excited and says Thank you, too.

I'm always glad to read that you enjoyed our productions, but when you say that you don't think that you could make a video like this I don't believe that, because from the technical point of view my videos are not very sophisticated, I have to admit, and my technical knowledge as well as the equipment are rather limited. You're still on the job and I guess you simply don't have the time I can put into the videos.

But there is something special to this video indeed: The project consisted of more than 30 tracks and that made my PC and graphic card completelly give up.

BTW: The next video will be completely different, but I can tell you right now that it was one of your great songs that inspired me to have a go at that style, too.

Thanks again for all the nice things you said.

Take good care,

Stefan

Thank you very much, Ed, I really appreciate your very kind review and I'm glad that you had your fun.

Kind regards,

Stefan

Dear Shigeki Adachi,

that's really very kind of you - thank you for your nic eand thoughtful comment.

BTW: This is the first comment I got from an Asian country, and I must say it's a great idea that, although I never have left Europe by now, there is at least one person on each continent that enjoyed my stuff... Thanks to this wonderful forum and tmost of all thanks to BIAB which makes all this possible.

Thank you very much again and all the best,

Stefan

Dear Loren,

well - I am sure that I'm not the only one who missed you and your wonderful, uplifting, day-making lyrical comments. It's really good to know you're finally 'back in town'.

And immediately found such great wordds to comment Maha's and my production - thank you so very much for your wonderful comment..

I had to smile when I read that 'done-me-wrong' phrase. And when I thought it over I realized that the last songs were all 'someone-done-someone-wrong' songs: Tell Me Why was a 'they-done-me-wrong' song, I've Changed For the Better was a 'I dome them wrong' song and now the central blues topic: 'she-done-me-wrong'.

Guess it's about time for a more positive thing, so the forthcoming song / video will be a 'she-done-me-right' song.

Thank you so much for your great support !!!!

All the best,

Stefan

Cool Stefan...
Awesomely cool...
I love your music & videos!

Loved It! Jake and Elwood live again !!!!

Dear Jim,

I must admit that I was missing yoou - hope you weren't 'off' for health reasons !

Looks lkke you can't find the time to even eat - gee, you're really working your way through all the posts you missed - hats off !

Thank you so much for your kind words on the song and as your reply to my anniversary post - I always appreaciate your comments an awful lot.

All the bst.

Stefan

Hi Rick,

now, if that ain't a great comment ... Thanks a lot.

Take care,

Stefan

Wow, Where do I begin. Fun from the beginning to the end. Great song and great video!! The video made me forget that this is a BIAB track, it looked so real!!

Yeah I had some minor health issues that kept me off about 2 months...
A rather large lower right leg hematoma...
But hopefully I can get caught up soon!

That was fun and very well done, loved the flipped guitar and the two chord player,

The wigs dancing, bra throwing or was it knickers all hilarious stuff.

And what a brilliant title and lyrics in still laughing.

Thanks

Cool in every way.

Great blues feeling, really driving the tune just so well.

Fun lyrics and great musical production.

Great, really great!

Wow, how'd I miss this one? What a production! What a lot of work but it was all worth it! And my kind of music, too! Way to go!

Hi Ronnie,

giving you a 'live' illusion - what more could I ask for.

I'm really happy that you enjoyed the song and the video and I want to thank you very much for your very kind comment.

Take care,

Stefan

Hi beatmaster,

thanks a lot for your great comment - you made my day.
Glad you liked it.

All the best,

Stefan

PS: The flying stuff was just bras - you won't find knickers of that size in ourt house ;-))))))

Hello VideoTrack,

I really appreciate your very kind words and it makes me feel good to read that you enjoyed our production - thank you so much.

Take care,

Stefan

Hello TuneMonger,

I was very pleased to read that I met your taste in music and that you enjoyed everything. Thanks an awful lot for your very kind comment.

Cheers,

Stefan

Stefan,

Wow this is good!



You and Maha have pulled out all stops and created a thoroughly entertaining audio-visual show. Creative, stunning, inventive, lots of fun -- these are just some of the thoughts that sprang to mind as I listened. From start to end I was totally caught up in the production.

I don't know how you manage to get such a professional final sound. It really shines!

A wonderful creation!
Noel

Sorry to hear that, Jim. I think, Janice & Bud got it right: 'Don't get old - it's a trap.' Hope you are going to recover fully soon so that we'll have the pleasure of hearing some new songs coming out of your workshop.

Rgeards,

Stefan

Dear Noel,

that is really a very, very, very kind comment on our production - thanks an awful lot for your lovely words. And that great applause meter, too - what a nice idea !

Since I'm (to say it positively) not good in sound edition and mixing (OK, let it out: I'm a mixing wimp) I really don't understand myself how Maha is getting the sound that great. Even more as she confines herself to the basic technical stuff that RealBand has on board.

Thank you again for your positive feedback - we really do appreciate it a lot.

Take care,

Stefan