Previous Thread
Index
Next Thread
Print Thread
Go To
Page 1 of 2 1 2
#554668 09/13/19 03:05 PM
User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Can a song be too personal? I`m not often a fan of highly confessional songs( everybody hurts!)and have left the subject of this one aside for so long that my power to help of influence the person who suffered has probably passed... and all I can do is write a song.
If you listen and have constructive comments,they are most welcome.

Unseen Unknown Unheard

Style is _HOMESIK.STY (Homesick Soft Pop Serenade)

RealTracks in style: ~2474:Bass, Acoustic, Held Ev 085
RealTracks in song: 2461:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm NewAgeAlbertiPretty Ev 100
RealTracks in style: 3059:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm Muted16thsFintan Ev16 080
RealTracks in song: 2336:Viola, Background, Pop Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 2338:Violin, Background, PopLow Ev 085 (1TrackStringSection)
RealTracks in song: 1856:Cello, Background PopCountry Ev 085
RealDrums [in style:CongasEv16[single] [Multi]



Unseen Unknown Unheard


wanting to be seen
my lord made jewels green
to live in your eyes

carry silence with you
like a backpack
like those birds out the window
at school

one day turning cartwheels
then holding your breath
seeing faces from the bottom
of a pool

we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

you slip through the seam
between worlds
unseen unknown
unheard

needing to be known
the heart outgrows bone
beats beyond your walls

he sent a singing postcard
playing we`ll meet again
in the fort we made
to be safe

there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced

slip back through the seam
between worlds
be seen be known
be heard

longing to be heard
the beginnings of words
no secret can contain
no secret can contain


© Robert Cordrey Aug. 2019

User Showcase
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 5,755
Veteran
Online Content
Veteran
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 5,755
Robert,
Very unusual tune. Poetry is haunting-beautiful. Intricate phrasing.
Hand drums work very well on this. Production is A+ Enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

User Showcase
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,576
Veteran
Online Content
Veteran
Joined: Sep 2010
Posts: 6,576
Constructive criticism? I can't think of anything to criticize here.

As Misha noted, it's an unusual tune, more poetry set to music. You've got a unique voice in terms of how you approach songs, and this is no exception.

Well mixed, musically interested, expressive, emotional singing.

In terms of being too personal, well... I suspect that's meant more an explanation of the song than an question.

But yes - some songs can be way too personal. Thanks for the heads up.

And thanks for posting!


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?
User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,635
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2012
Posts: 11,635
Robert,

Terrific opening. The a cappella vocal resolving into the quartet-style strings - so nice!

The combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super (you've used many of my favorite RTs in this!).

Your vocal is perfect....an as-good-as-it-gets performance. Perfectly mixed.
The whole mix is excellent. Everything about this is top-notch.

A STUNNING write. Absolutely broke my heart. Start to finish quote-worthy.
(a career-defining type write.)

A real WOW.

fj

User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,578
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 6,578
Robert,

An absolutely stunning piece...

"we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand"

Wow - no words to describe how much I love this one.

Bob

User Showcase
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,414
PG Music Staff
Offline
PG Music Staff
Joined: Feb 2017
Posts: 3,414
Wow - what unique and attention-grabbing tune! It has an almost psychedelic feel to it - your lyrics and vocals on this are haunting too, and it sets a really spectacular mood.

Thanks for sharing smile


Cheers,
Deryk
User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Originally Posted By: Rustyspoon#
Robert,
Very unusual tune. Poetry is haunting-beautiful. Intricate phrasing.
Hand drums work very well on this. Production is A+ Enjoyed this a lot.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.


I appreciate that, Misha.

Originally Posted By: dcuny
Constructive criticism? I can't think of anything to criticize here.

As Misha noted, it's an unusual tune, more poetry set to music. You've got a unique voice in terms of how you approach songs, and this is no exception.

Well mixed, musically interested, expressive, emotional singing.

In terms of being too personal, well... I suspect that's meant more an explanation of the song than an question.

But yes - some songs can be way too personal. Thanks for the heads up.

And thanks for posting!


Thanks for the positive comments, particularly on the vocals.
My intro comments probably reflect a hesitance about posting this one-closet skeletons and all that.

Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Robert,

Terrific opening. The a cappella vocal resolving into the quartet-style strings - so nice!

The combination of the muted acoustic and the newage piano is super (you've used many of my favorite RTs in this!).

Your vocal is perfect....an as-good-as-it-gets performance. Perfectly mixed.
The whole mix is excellent. Everything about this is top-notch.

A STUNNING write. Absolutely broke my heart. Start to finish quote-worthy.
(a career-defining type write.)

A real WOW.

fj


Floyd,
I`m pleased you liked the acappella opening- it was a late choice to believe the harmonies were good enough.
Getting the percussive guitar a little under the pretty piano seemed to do the trick.
Your comments are so supportive- I can`t thank you enough for the careful listening and sensitivity behind your reviews.

Robert

User Showcase
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 18,838
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 18,838
Robert,

Like floyd, I really enjoyed the vocal introduction that led into the instruments. One needs lots of confidence to do that and you did it very well.

I'm not sure that I fully understood the lyrics but the below verses were very haunting and they caused me much reflection.

Quote:
we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

I honestly don't know what to say nor how to say it. Given the sense of gravitas that I feel from these lyrics, I sincerely hope that time has helped with healing.

The style, your singing and your arrangement were excellent choices to carry this story.

Regards,
Noel


MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2024
User Showcase
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,089
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 5,089
Love your vocal in this one, Robert, so fragile and delicate.

I found the lyrics to be disturbing to be honest, but they certainly held my attention! Very well written indeed.

Good song!

User Showcase
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,522
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 7,522
Wow Robert very emotional song. The backtrack was perfect for the song. Such a powerful lyric and awesome vocal. Well done.


Scott Collingwood
https://soundcloud.com/scottt709
https://soundcloud.com/spiritlevel-ca
https://www.youtube.com/@SpiritLevel-ge3hm/
User Showcase
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,677
Expert
Offline
Expert
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 1,677
Hi Rob,

I have to pick up your song title to describe what I feel )lyrics like these UNSEEN before, a song like this UNHEARD before. It's really unusual in all aspects. Unusual in the sense of marvellous that is.

The way you sing it made got me some goose bumps - it's so soft and ... hm ... vulnerable.

An excellent piece from A to Z.

All the best,

Stefan

User Showcase
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 13,977
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2011
Posts: 13,977
"there`s a ghost at the table
girl without edges
where is my sister
you replaced "

That's a "run off the road" two lines if one were driving while listening....incredibly powerful.

And the lyric is outstanding all the way through. Zero filler.

The vocals are amongst your best...Stefan has the word, "vulnerable."

It would be hard to imagine a better arrangement, band or mix to support this write.

It's all been already stated more eloquently than we are capable...

Amazing.

J&B








User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Originally Posted By: rsdean
Robert,

An absolutely stunning piece...

"we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand"

Wow - no words to describe how much I love this one.

Bob



I very much appreciate that, Bob...makes the choice to share so worth while.

Originally Posted By: Deryk - PG Music
Wow - what unique and attention-grabbing tune! It has an almost psychedelic feel to it - your lyrics and vocals on this are haunting too, and it sets a really spectacular mood.

Thanks for sharing smile


Deryk,
Thanks for all your listens and positive comments.

Originally Posted By: Noel96
Robert,

Like floyd, I really enjoyed the vocal introduction that led into the instruments. One needs lots of confidence to do that and you did it very well.

I'm not sure that I fully understood the lyrics but the below verses were very haunting and they caused me much reflection.

Quote:
we called him Uncle Amazing
he looked like Steve McQueen
all candy card tricks
sleight of hand

games behind closed doors
the cost to keep mum
on the tip of your tongue
like a brand

I honestly don't know what to say nor how to say it. Given the sense of gravitas that I feel from these lyrics, I sincerely hope that time has helped with healing.

The style, your singing and your arrangement were excellent choices to carry this story.

Regards,
Noel


Noel,
I set a few inner ground rules for writing the lyrics:
-make it clear the song is about the sexual abuse of a child, without using gratuitous detail.
-write both from the child`s point of view and the adult, believing there is healing to be found.
-its unlikely my sister will hear the song, but if she does, have I written a message of love and support?
The responses from the generous listeners here make me I hope I succeeded in some way.
Thanks for your kind comments.

Robert
-

User Showcase
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,899
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 2,899
Hi Robert

I dont think you can be too personal. That is what makes songwriting great and deeply fulfilling.

Loved the line "seeing faces from the bottom of a pool"

A fantastic write all round.

Well done.

J


LyricLab A.I assisted chords and lyric app. Export lyrics and import directly into Band-in-a-Box 2024.
https://lyriclab.net
Play-along with songs you know and love, download SGU files
https://playiit.com/
User Showcase
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 5,473
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Dec 2003
Posts: 5,473
Robert

A very emotional sad write and beautifully performed.
As floyd said a great mix and vocal.

One of your absolute best.

Peter

User Showcase
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,214
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 6,214
Robert,
I like it and the imagery/impressions it gave BUT the 1st stanza, to my eyes and ears, doesn't seem to belong. Well, the "my lord" bit anyway.
Impressionistic/picture painting/cinematic all fit the vibe and arrangement.
Cool stuff.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
User Showcase
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 3,700
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 3,700
Hauntingly tangible poetry. Your singing is really emotional. I like the piano playing its own dark melancholy. Excellent use of string instruments.

Janne


Hear My Music:

Soundcloud
YouTube

User Showcase
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Veteran
OP Offline
Veteran
Joined: Jun 2016
Posts: 3,357
Originally Posted By: BlueAttitude
Love your vocal in this one, Robert, so fragile and delicate.

I found the lyrics to be disturbing to be honest, but they certainly held my attention! Very well written indeed.

Good song!


Dave,
Thanks for your listen and the endorsement of the vocal- its not easy to balance feeling and good technique sometimes.
I think if folks don`t find the subject and lyrics at least uncomfortable in places I wouldn`t have succeeded, though I understand how this song could be outside the bounds for some.

Originally Posted By: Scott C
Wow Robert very emotional song. The backtrack was perfect for the song. Such a powerful lyric and awesome vocal. Well done.


Scott,
Thank you-actually double-thanks because diving in to our next collaboration has helped me move on from this song.

Originally Posted By: Crossroads
Hi Rob,

I have to pick up your song title to describe what I feel )lyrics like these UNSEEN before, a song like this UNHEARD before. It's really unusual in all aspects. Unusual in the sense of marvellous that is.

The way you sing it made got me some goose bumps - it's so soft and ... hm ... vulnerable.

An excellent piece from A to Z.

All the best,

Stefan


That`s a cool review- thank you!

Robert

User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,378
Expert
Offline
Expert
Joined: Aug 2018
Posts: 1,378
"...and all I can do is write a song."

Lovely little band you've put together here. JUST enough to support. I'm quite stunned by the delicacy of the lyric (framed by your fragile vocal and rhythmic phrasing). I not only think this is the best lyric I've heard from you, but it may well be the best lyric of it's type I've heard anywhere.

Any time.

Ever.

That's all.


BIAB 2021 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground
User Showcase
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,476
Veteran
Offline
Veteran
Joined: Mar 2013
Posts: 4,476
Hi, Robert !

How original isn´t your most lovely
tune ! Evoking a lot of emotions
really ! Congrats !


Cheers
Dani

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Go To
Page 1 of 2 1 2

Link Copied to Clipboard
ChatPG

Ask sales and support questions about Band-in-a-Box using natural language.

ChatPG's knowledge base includes the full Band-in-a-Box User Manual and sales information from the website.

PG Music News
Convenient Ways to Listen to Band-in-a-Box® Songs Created by Program Users!

The User Showcase Forum is an excellent place to share your Band-in-a-Box® songs and listen to songs other program users are creating!

There are other places you can listen to these songs too! Visit our User Showcase page to sort by genre, artist (forum name), song title, and date - each listing will direct you to the forum post for that song.

If you'd rather listen to these songs in one place, head to our Band-in-a-Box® Radio, where you'll have the option to select the genre playlist for your listening pleasure. This page has SoundCloud built in, so it won't redirect you. We've also added the link to the Artists SoundCloud page here, and a link to their forum post.

We hope you find some inspiration from this amazing collection of User Showcase Songs!

Congratulations to the 2023 User Showcase Award Winners!

We've just announced the 2023 User Showcase Award Winners!

There are 45 winners, each receiving a Band-in-a-Box 2024 UltraPAK! Read the official announcement to see if you've won.

Our User Showcase Forum receives more than 50 posts per day, with people sharing their Band-in-a-Box songs and providing feedback for other songs posted.

Thank you to everyone who has contributed!

Video: Volume Automation in Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows®

We've created a video to help you learn more about the Volume Automation options in Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows.

Band-in-a-Box® 2024: Volume Automation

www.pgmusic.com/manuals/bbw2024full/chapter11.htm#volume-automation

Video: Audio Input Monitoring with Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows®

We've created this short video to explain Audio Input Monitoring within Band-in-a-Box® 2024, and included some tips & troubleshooting details too!

Band-in-a-Box® 2024: Audio Input Monitoring

3:17: Tips
5:10: Troubleshooting

www.pgmusic.com/manuals/bbw2024full/chapter11.htm#audio-input-monitoring

Video: Enhanced Melodists in Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows®!

We've enhanced the Melodists feature included in Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows!

Access the Melodist feature by pressing F7 in the program to open the new MultiPicker Library and locate the [Melodist] tab.

You can now generate a melody on any track in the program - very handy! Plus, you select how much of the melody you want generated - specify a range, or apply it to the whole track.

See the Melodist in action with our video, Band-in-a-Box® 2024: The Melodist Window.

Learn even more about the enhancements to the Melodist feature in Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows at www.pgmusic.com/manuals/bbw2024upgrade/chapter3.htm#enhanced-melodist

Band-in-a-Box® 2024 DAW Plugin Version 6: New Features Specifically for Reaper®

New with the DAW Plugin Version 6.0, released with Band-in-a-Box® 2024 for Windows: the Reaper® Panel!

This new panel offers built-in specific support for the Reaper® DAW API allowing direct transfer of Band-in-a-Box® files to/from Reaper® tracks!

When you run the Plugin from Reaper®, there is a panel to set the following options:
-BB Track(s) to send: This allows you to select the Plugin tracks that will be sent Reaper.
-Destination Reaper Track: This lets you select the destination Reaper track to receive media content from the Plugin.
-At Bar: You can select a bar in Reaper where the Plugin tracks should be placed.
-Start Below Selected Track: This allows you to place the Plugin tracks below the destination Reaper track.
-Overwrite Reaper Track: You can overwrite previous content on the destination Reaper track.
-Move to Project Folder: With this option, you can move the Plugin tracks to the Reaper project folder.
-Send Reaper Instructions Enable this option to send the Reaper Instructions instead of rendering audio tracks, which is faster.
-Render Audio & Instructions: Enable this option to generate audio files and the Reaper instructions.
-Send Tracks After Generating: This allows the Plugin to automatically send tracks to Reaper after generating.
-Send Audio for MIDI Track: Enable this option to send rendered audio for MIDI tracks.
-Send RealCharts with Audio: If this option is enabled, Enable this option to send RealCharts with audio.

Check out this video highlighting the new Reaper®-specific features: Band-in-a-Box® DAW Plugin Version 6: New Features Specifically for Reaper®

Band-in-a-Box® 2024 DAW Plugin Version 6: New Features Video

The new Band-in-a-Box VST DAW Plugin Verion 6 adds over 20 new features!

Watch the new features video to learn more: Video: Band-in-a-Box® 2024 - DAW Plugin Version 6 New Features

We also list these new features at www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.plugin.htm.

Forum Statistics
Forums66
Topics81,391
Posts732,469
Members38,440
Most Online2,537
Jan 19th, 2020
Newest Members
Ernest J, Izzy, BenChaz, Csofi, mmpartee
38,439 Registered Users
Top Posters(30 Days)
MarioD 195
Al-David 124
DC Ron 113
dcuny 87
rsdean 83
Today's Birthdays
CeeDee, SethMould
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5