Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
You need to be logged in to post
Options
Index
#615793 - 09/19/20 10:53 PM [User Showcase] The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Hello Folks,
on another forum a chap told me I ought to play chords for longer than a bar, sing more softly and, without saying so, be more like him. A chap who writes slower songs with intricate chords, beautiful picking styles and so forth. I have few of the skills needed to do the things he recommended. I did have a go though. Before my last track, Idee Fixx, I wrote and recorded something as an exercise in the suggested processes, forms, etc.
This track has Rock Northern ^4 drums as well as two iterations of Celtic Strings and a Cello track to help disguise the shortcomings.
HB 12 string electric on one side, Squire Bullet Mustang on the other with a knock off Hofner bass up the centre.
[Link no longer valid]
Remix based on fj's comments primarily...
[Link no longer valid]

Lyrics...(dragged out of a folio of my scribblings from the late 70s to very early 80s.)

The Dismissal
V1
I’m reading the letters
You wrote me long ago
The memories are there
But the letters come no more, I know
Each page holds you there
Between the words and the sorrow
Between the words and the sorrow
Chorus
It’s cold so I lie on my bed
And remember
The 1st and the last time
I saw you
And in these memories I’ve found
A reason to be
And in these letters I’ve found
Your dreams I couldn’t see
V2
The paper has browned
From my touch as I read them
Each word burnt in my memory
But I need them.
I’ll read them again
And again come tomorrow
Come tomorrow
SOLO

Chorus

I’m reading the letters
You wrote me long ago
The memories are there
But the letters come no more, I know
They are words
And words are all that I have now
Merely words
But the words are you somehow

Chorus


Edited by Andrew - PG Music (10/13/20 11:06 PM)
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

Top
#615833 - 09/20/20 07:28 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 284
Derochette Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 05/30/20
Posts: 284
Hello Rayc,

Your chord progression is quite original because it allows you to immerse us in a strange and interesting atmosphere In this context, we are really attentive to your well thought out lyric. Good work.

Best regards

Dero13
aliasJaniJackFlash

Top
#615837 - 09/20/20 08:02 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8787
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8787
Loc: Florida
ray,

I applaud your willingness to explore new avenues. I don't think you need advice from "..A chap who writes slower songs with intricate chords, beautiful picking styles and so forth." Your upbeat Punk-leaning songs/production are some of the coolest offerings on these forums.

The instrumentation is cool. Very well done. The combination of strings/synths/guitars is excellent. Pink Floydish. It gets a bit repetitive after a while - some change-up along the way would be nice. Or some BGVs. The drums are a bit "plodding" and are the "weak link" (opinion).

The mix sounds good.

fj

Top
#615858 - 09/20/20 09:13 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1163
Tangmo Offline
Expert

Registered: 08/21/18
Posts: 1163
I think it's pretty cool that you took somebody's suggestions and subverted them, converted them to your own sensibility. The results of the experiment are quirky, expressive, and emotionally impactful. Success. Sounds good on these monitors too.


Edited by Tangmo (09/20/20 09:14 AM)
Edit Reason: punctuation and grammar for the English teacher.
_________________________
BIAB 2020 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground

Top
#615888 - 09/20/20 03:31 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: Derochette]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Originally Posted By: Dero13
Hello Rayc,
Your chord progression is quite original because it allows you to immerse us in a strange and interesting atmosphere In this context, we are really attentive to your well thought out lyric. Good work.
Best regards
Dero13
aliasJaniJackFlash

Thanks Dero,
A maj & F Min with no minor chords is a little odd I'll grant you.
I can't really take credit for a lyric I wrote about 40 years ago...that was a different animal entirely.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

Top
#615889 - 09/20/20 03:33 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: floyd jane]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Originally Posted By: floyd jane
ray,
It gets a bit repetitive after a while - some change-up along the way would be nice. Or some BGVs. The drums are a bit "plodding" and are the "weak link" (opinion).
fj

I'll have a bash at those suggestions. The song is a useful experimentation platform.
Thanks.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

Top
#615891 - 09/20/20 03:34 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: Tangmo]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Originally Posted By: Tangmo
I think it's pretty cool that you took somebody's suggestions and subverted them, converted them to your own sensibility. The results of the experiment are quirky, expressive, and emotionally impactful. Success. Sounds good on these monitors too.

Thanks Tangmo, I appreciate your appraisal.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

Top
#615912 - 09/20/20 07:18 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1050
Loc: Maryland
TuneMonger Offline
Expert

Registered: 02/20/10
Posts: 1050
Loc: Maryland
I liked it and thought it was a bit different from your usual fare. I wished the vocals were a little more prominent, maybe more than a little. Cool vibe to song that is your own thing, as I hear it. Well done!
_________________________
Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak

Top
#615951 - 09/21/20 02:48 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: TuneMonger]
Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
rayc Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 04/13/16
Posts: 2599
Loc: Stanwell Park NSW Australia
Originally Posted By: TuneMonger
I liked it and thought it was a bit different from your usual fare. I wished the vocals were a little more prominent, maybe more than a little. Cool vibe to song that is your own thing, as I hear it. Well done!

Thanks TuneMonger,
The updated mix has louder vocals, less string and a changed drum.
_________________________
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
Pop on over to The Recording Rebels for positive, honest commentary, critiques and support. https://therecordingrebels.com

Top
#615953 - 09/21/20 03:02 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3502
Loc: Ontario, Canada
BlueAttitude Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/30/07
Posts: 3502
Loc: Ontario, Canada
I had a listen to the original mix yesterday (didn't have time to comment) and the new mix this morning. Updated mix is better, vocals are now sitting where they should be I think.

Very different from what I'm used to hearing from you, and I prefer your punk stuff to be honest, but this is cool too.

Top
#615978 - 09/21/20 07:05 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1980
F.M.M. Offline
Expert

Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 1980
Hi Rayc love this excellent mix very progressive song engaging all the way through love this kind of stuff thanks for sharing Eric
_________________________
AMD (TM) 8150 3.60 GHz Eight Core Processor 64 bit windows 10 pro 64 bit os. sound card delta 1010 pci card 500 ssd drive 3 other drives guitars 1968 les Paul Custom and Cavin ae 185 Guitar boss Gt-100 pedal Carvin SRS Studio reference series

Top
#615995 - 09/21/20 10:12 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2052
Loc: Finland
jannesan Offline
Veteran

Registered: 11/29/06
Posts: 2052
Loc: Finland
Fascinating soundtrack type of intro, nice mix of progressive rock ballad and new wave. I like the feeling of 'early recordings' both musically and lyrically and how you have turned it to a well produced experience with nice use of the string and gospel vocal RTs. Intriguing chording.

Janne
_________________________
Hear My Music:

Soundcloud
YouTube


Top
#616024 - 09/21/20 01:27 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 544
jptjptjpt Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 06/05/12
Posts: 544
I always like the moods you capture in your songs. This one too. Good production. I don't know what instruments are live and which are BnB, but they all sound good. Interesting lyrics. Unsettling. Good work.
_________________________
My music can be heard at: http://thecracks.bandcamp.com/

Top
#616039 - 09/21/20 03:02 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 879
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
Birchwood Offline
Expert

Registered: 09/30/16
Posts: 879
Loc: Netherlands, Haarlem
Hi Ray,

Some years ago a drummer told me to put in an extra bar between verses and chorusses, although it's wrong if you look at it musically.
But it gives a singer more space or rest and it sounds more relaxed.
Well I do this quite often in my songs and it works well. Now you wrote a more or less similair story about that extra bar.
It was nice to read it.

The song is nice and indeed slow. But I prefer slower songs, as you might have noticed. I think the way you sang in your last songs before this one is more how I like it. in this song your voice sounds a bit thin and sharp. It gives the impression you were somewhat insecure. I know you're not, so try your more blacker/darker voice also on this nice song. It will sound more powerful, I think.
But don't change the melody. It is good, even with extra bars in it.

Hans
_________________________
Hans Berkhout
(Birchwood)
https://soundcloud.com/user-296497130

Top
#616109 - 09/22/20 06:41 AM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8787
Loc: Florida
floyd jane Offline
Veteran

Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8787
Loc: Florida
ray,

Excellent.

The re-work really took this to a different level. The changes are all well done and help keep the ear engaged. Good mix.

Great job.

fj

Top
#616171 - 09/22/20 05:46 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 269
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Leon1 Offline
Apprentice

Registered: 04/02/19
Posts: 269
Loc: Canberra, Australia
Hi Ray
Go your own way, I say. That said, this is a moody and intriguing piece. By no means an easy one to sing, so I think you did pretty well. Judging by the lyrics, your younger self clearly had some insight into the bittersweet pain of lost love. Your video for Idee Fixx looks good, by the way.
Regards,
Leon

Top
#616179 - 09/22/20 06:41 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5360
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Scott C Offline
Veteran

Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 5360
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Very cool tune. Loved the vocal. Loved the reverb in the vocal. I got a Pink Floyd vibe as well. Excellent instrument choice. Well done

Top
#616186 - 09/22/20 07:45 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2244
Rustyspoon# Online   content
Veteran

Registered: 03/07/18
Posts: 2244
Ray,
Listened 2 side by side. Re-mix wins! I just think it can be just a hint louder overall (it maybe that I am going deaf too.)
----
Disorienting smile
I believe that experiments like this, even if they are outside of comfort zone, still very important and beneficial to creative processes. It is a quirky tune, which is distant from what I have heard by you, but surely has a place to "live". I like it because I find flow unusual and hypnotic, but not to the point of rejection. Keeps attention afloat.

P.S. An side idea on this, if one day you decide to try something else. Maybe straight talking vocals? Soft, but without emotion. Meaning, letting music do the emotion part and non-melodic lyrics just to add another dimension.

Thank you for sharing!

Misha.

Top
#616284 - 09/23/20 01:05 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 600
Loc: Illinois
CaptainMoto Offline
Journeyman

Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 600
Loc: Illinois
Sounds better.
I think it's a great idea to take advantage of useful criticism but, I believe songs should be an expression of owns own unique character.
_________________________
An Old Man Make'n Music
https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/captainmoto/family-affairs


Top
#616460 - 09/24/20 02:51 PM [User Showcase] Re: The Dismissal - An Exercise In Other People's Shoes [Re: rayc]
Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2891
Robertkc Offline
Veteran

Registered: 06/09/16
Posts: 2891
Ray,
A bold and sensitive progressive ballad from the Pygmy Beat!
The chord progression and arrangement held my attention... and the core lines are well written:

in these letters I’ve found
Your dreams I couldn’t see

I like that and the hazy feel of the whole:like an album song that`s not the headliner but soaks in with listens.

Robert

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


PG Music News
Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows: New Features Video

It's here! Check out all the new features released with Band-in-a-Box 2021 for Windows with our New Features video.
www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.new.htm

Video - 202 New RealTracks for Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows®!


With the release of Band-in-a-Box® 2020, we added 202 new RealTracks! There are brand-new RealTracks for Jazz, Blues, Funk, Latin, Pop, Rock, World, Country, Americana & Celtic, and more!

Get the newest RealTracks Sets 353-375 when you purchase the PlusPAK upgrade (ideal for 2020 UltraPAK/UltraPAK+ customers) for just $99 during our special (reg. $129).

Want the entire RealTracks Sets 1-375 collection with over 3,100 RealTracks? They are included with any Band-in-a-Box 2021 for Windows UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition.

Check out our video, Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows® - 202 New RealTracks Overview, which demonstrates the newest RealTracks Sets 329-352.

NEW! Xtra Styles PAK 10 & MultiStyles PAK 1 for Band-in-a-Box®!

We've just released some amazing new Add-ons for Band-in-a-Box® 2020!

Xtra Styles PAK 10 with 50 styles each for Country, Jazz, Rock-Pop, and Folk Celebration! These carefully crafted RealStyles include lo-fi acoustic guitar hip hop, triple-guitar garage rock, a barbeque boom-chick jam, slidin' lazy country blues, bolero and bossa nova fusion, a Gypsy and stride ballad, praise break organ jazz fusion, surfin' folk rock, barn dance old-time stomp 'n' clap, an acoustic folky blues jam, and so much more!

Introducing MultiStyles PAK 1! 30 MultiStyles containing 120 styles - that's a total of 150 Styles! We've included 10 MultiStyles each for Country, Jazz, and Rock-Pop. Our jazz greats MultiStyle allows you to switch between piano and guitar comping, or select from two different solos. Our Jamaican groove selecta allows you to switch from ska at one section to reggae, island groove, or reggae with sax solo at another. A Tex-Mex country MultiStyle allows you to switch between a regular-time and double-time feel. And that's just the beginning. There's so much more in store! Once you dive into these professionally-mixed MultiStyles, you'll wonder how you ever made due with only two substyles per song! Use one substyle for a softer intro, another one for a restrained breakdown, then throw in a different and energetic middle-eight, or change it up with a solo. The possibilities are endless!

And they're ON SALE!

Xtra Styles PAK 10, and ALL our Xtra Styles PAKs, are on sale for $29 (reg. $49) each! Haven't purchased Xtra Styles yet, but now you want them all? The COMPLETE collection of Xtra Styles PAKs 1-10 with over 1,600 RealStyles can be yours for only $199 (reg. $349)! There's also an option to purchase the newest Xtra Styles PAKs 9 & 10 for Band-in-a-Box® 2020 for a bundle price of $49, if you missed out on our previous special! www.pgmusic.com/xtrastyles.php?os=win

Purchase MultiStyles PAK 1 for only $19 (reg. $29)! Adding the 2021 49-PAK to your Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows purchase? No need to buy this separately, MultiStyles PAK 1 is included with it! www.pgmusic.com/addons.multistyles.php?os=win

Mac user? Click here for your OS specific product announcement.

Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows is HERE!

Just released: Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows with over 50 new features, 202 RealTracks, new RealStyles, MIDI SuperTracks, Instrumental Studies, Artist Performances, Bonus RealDrums "Singles," RealDrums transcriptions, MultiStyles PAK 1, Xtra Styles PAK 10, and more!

We're having a SALE on Band-in-a-Box® 2021 Upgrade purchases until December 31, 2020- save up to 50% when you purchase your Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows Upgrade!

We've packed our Free Bonus PAK & 49-PAK with some amazing Add-ons! The Free Bonus PAK is automatically included with most Band-in-a-Box® for Windows 2021 packages, but for more even more Add-ons (including 40 Unreleased RealTracks and the just-released MultiStyles PAK 1) upgrade it to the 2021 49-PAK for only $49. You can see the full lists of items in each package, and listen to demos here.

Check out our Band-in-a-Box® packages page for all the purchase options available.

If you need any help deciding which package is the best option for you, just let us know. We are here to help!

Learn more about all the new features in Band-in-a-Box® 2021 for Windows at: www.pgmusic.com/bbwin.new.htm

Band-in-a-Box® for Mac - Audio Chord Wizard Overview Video

The Audio Chord Wizard included in Band-in-a-Box is a powerful feature that automatically figures out the chords from an audio file and imports them (as well as the audio) into Band-in-a-Box®, along with the bar lines, key, tempo, and fine tuning!

Check out this video, where we explain how to use the Audio Chord Wizard: Click here to watch...

Read more about the Audio Chord Wizard within our online program manual, here. Better yet - give it a try and see/hear for yourself how intelligent this feature is!

Clarinet RealTracks for Band-in-a-Box®!

It's National Clarinet Day! Who doesn't enjoy the rich & mellow sounds the clarinet delivers?

We have 20+ Clarinet RealTracks available for Band-in-a-Box®, covering Dixieland, Folk, Jazz, and World styles. You'll find these RealTracks in the following Sets:
RealTracks Set 56: Jazz, Old and New
RealTracks Set 144: Dixieland - Fast Soloists
RealTracks Set 178: Dixieland - Medium Soloists
RealTracks Set 248: Oberkrainer! Folk Music From the Alps

Clarinet RealTracks Artists include:
James Danderfer
P.J. Perry
Thomas Oberreiter

Tutorial - Downloading and Installing Your Band-in-a-Box® Purchase

When you order your copy of Band-in-a-Box® from our website you'll receive the installation files to download your order, even if you're having it shipped!

You can access these files within the My Products section of your online account.

Downloading the program is such a convenient way to get started with Band-in-a-Box®! To learn more about how to download your purchase, please review the written tutorials we've created for Windows and Mac.

Forum Stats
33300 Members
67 Forums
66500 Topics
569648 Posts

Max Online: 2537 @ 01/19/20 07:09 AM
Newest Members
Dhcousins, LinhForex, Wmpf, ewesaname, jymorisson49

33300 Registered Users
Top Posters (30 Days)
Matt Finley 283
Pipeline 270
VideoTrack 190
Rob Helms 174
CaptainMoto 141
eddie1261 128
jpettit 128
MarioD 128
jford 127
PeterGannon 119
Today's Birthdays
bluestu, J. Rich, Mel Laraway