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So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. #617488 10/02/20 01:07 AM Songwriting
Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 9,326 Middlesex, NC Guitarhacker OP Veteran
OP Guitarhacker Veteran Joined: Apr 2009 Posts: 9,326 Middlesex, NC	So... you think you want to be a blues singer.... I mean who doesn't...right? How to sing the blues… by Lame Mango Washington (attributed to Memphis Earlene Gray with help from Uncle Plunky, revisions by Little Blind Patti D. and Dr. Stevie Franklin) 1. Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning." 2. " I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line, like " I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." 3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes ... sort of: "Got a good woman - with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher - and she weigh 500 pound." 4. The Blues are not about choice. You stuck in a ditch? You stuck in a ditch. Ain't no way out. 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7. Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in St. Paul or Tucson is just depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. 8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cuz you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg cuz an alligator be chomping on it is. 9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty house Bad places: a. first-class restaurants b. gallery openings c. Ivy League institutions d. golf courses 11. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be an old ethnic person, and you slept in it. 12. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if: a. you're older than dirt b. you're broke c. you shot a man in Memphis d. you're blind No, if: a. you have all your teeth b. the man in Memphis survived c. you have a retirement plan or trust fund d. you were once blind but now can see 13. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Gary Coleman could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. 14. If you ask for water and Baby give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are muddy water and black coffee. 15. If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction. 16. Some Blues names for women: a. Sadie b. Big Mama c. Bessie d. Fat River Dumpling 17. Some Blues names for men: a. Joe b. Willie c. Little Willie d. Big Willie 18. Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, Auburn, and Rainbow can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 19. Make your own Blues name (starter kit): name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.) middle name: choose a fruit (lemon, etc) last name: choose a President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.). For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") 20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. You best destroy it. Fire, a spilled bottle of Mad Dog, or get out a shotgun. Maybe your big woman just done sat on it. I don't know. You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.com Add nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617549 10/02/20 07:24 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida Planobilly Veteran
Planobilly Veteran Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida	All true. Cheers, Blind Lemon Simmons New location, new environment, new music coming soon Seize the moo-ment If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617558 10/02/20 09:20 AM Songwriting
Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 20,797 Hamlin NY MarioD Veteran
MarioD Veteran Joined: Dec 2003 Posts: 20,797 Hamlin NY	That was an excellent read! RA crippled ugly Caucasian. Me, it's not about how many times you fail, it's about how many times you get back up. Cop, that's not how field sobriety tests work. 64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617754 10/04/20 03:32 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida Planobilly Veteran
Planobilly Veteran Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida	I am aware that Cyan is not a blues color but...Here is the modern version...lol I gotta shade of cyan, creepin in my brain Yes, I gotta shade of cyan, creepin in my brain My facebook page is down, and I just can't bear the pain I need my farmville fix; I want my twitter feed I need my farmville fix; I want my twitter feed I think I'm going to cut myself and webcast while I bleed Perhaps it's not the real blues but 99% of the real blues people have passed away. I for one, miss them. Billy Yes, Yes, I know, really dark humor. Last edited by Planobilly; 10/04/20 03:35 AM. New location, new environment, new music coming soon Seize the moo-ment If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617824 10/05/20 02:36 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 878 Springfield, MO J Joseph Land Expert
Joseph Land Expert J Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 878 Springfield, MO	You also have to have the right instrument to play the blues. Acceptable: Guitar (6 or 12 string) Harmonica Dobro Sax Slow Acoustic Bass Slow Muted Trumpet You Get The Idea.... Non-Acceptable: Harp Harpsichord Timpani Flute Piccolo Euphonium Accordion Glockenspiel You Get The Idea... Blind Lemon Pledge BIAB2024 Windows 10 Pro WA6NCB

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617854 10/05/20 06:01 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jul 2000 Posts: 25,866 Hudson Valley & Lake George NY Matt Finley Veteran
Matt Finley Veteran Joined: Jul 2000 Posts: 25,866 Hudson Valley & Lake George NY	I thought you had to have a wife, so she could leave, and a dog, so it could come back. BIAB 2024 Win Audiophile. Software: Studio One 6.5 Pro, Swam horns, Acoustica-7, Notion 6; Win 11 Home. Hardware: Intel i9, 32 Gb; Roland Integra-7, Presonus Studio 192, Presonus Faderport 8, Royer 121, Adam Sub8 & Neumann 120 monitors

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617855 10/05/20 06:03 AM Songwriting
Joined: Oct 2019 Posts: 294 Aberdeen, NC B Bawb Apprentice
Bawb Apprentice B Joined: Oct 2019 Posts: 294 Aberdeen, NC	Guitarhacker: This was a fun post, but I have to disagree with some of the rules: 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. See Terraplane Blues (Hudson) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEioabG8cE8 You have to be either a gearhead or old as dirt to even know what a Terraplane is... 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Jonny Lang was 12 when he began playing with the Bad Medicine Blues Band and 15 when he recorded Lie to Me... 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty house I'd add this one, guarding an ammo dump on your birthday... 20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. I once had a Commodore 64 and nearly died of Dysentery, doesn't that count???

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617895 10/05/20 11:29 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 3,570 P pghboemike Veteran
pghboemike Veteran P Joined: Jul 2002 Posts: 3,570	Folks coping with first world problems may feel entitled to sing the blues Lenovo YOGA 900 Window s 10 Home 64bit 16GB RAM\2018 13” MacBook Air casio wk7500 presonus audiobox i2 usb interface casio wk-7500 biab & realband 2023 everything pk both with Current builds

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #617972 10/06/20 01:05 AM Songwriting
Joined: May 2016 Posts: 354 Denmark Peters Garage Journeyman
Peters Garage Journeyman Joined: May 2016 Posts: 354 Denmark	If you are european (like I am)- you can't sing the blues, though you might feel the blues I woke up early in the morning I had an empty dog house blues ...... see it won't work :-) MacMini M1 - BIAB2021 - Logic Pro X - iZotope Music Production Suite - Scaler 2 - far too many Waves plugins and Line 6 Guitars and boards + a fantastic Yamaha THR10ll mini Amp - Avid MBOX Studio Peters' Garage is available on all major streaming services

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Joseph Land #618115 10/07/20 01:39 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jun 2012 Posts: 18,355 Melbourne, Australia AudioTrack Veteran
AudioTrack Veteran Joined: Jun 2012 Posts: 18,355 Melbourne, Australia	Originally Posted By: jcland You also have to have the right instrument to play the blues. Acceptable: Guitar (6 or 12 string) Harmonica Dobro Sax Slow Acoustic Bass Slow Muted Trumpet You Get The Idea.... Non-Acceptable: Harp Harpsichord Timpani Flute Piccolo Euphonium Accordion Glockenspiel You Get The Idea... Blind Lemon Pledge A Viola, Cello or (Bowed)Double Bass could work, but another for the N/A list: Hammered Dulcimer, no, that could never work. BIAB & RB2024 Win.(Audiophile), Sonar Platinum, Cakewalk by Bandlab, Izotope Prod.Bundle, Roland RD-1000, Synthogy Ivory, Kontakt, Focusrite 18i20, KetronSD2, NS40M Monitors, Pioneer Active Monitors, AKG K271 Studio H'phones

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #618253 10/07/20 03:02 PM Songwriting
Joined: Aug 2018 Posts: 1,378 Tangmo Expert
Tangmo Expert Joined: Aug 2018 Posts: 1,378	I'm betting hard there is an autoharp in some blues somewhere. Fun post. Color-Blind Willie Lee Harlot. BIAB 2021 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #618272 10/07/20 09:03 PM Songwriting
Joined: Apr 2017 Posts: 1,192 Sillie Con Valley, California Mike Halloran Expert
Mike Halloran Expert Joined: Apr 2017 Posts: 1,192 Sillie Con Valley, California	I haven't seen this in over 20 years. Thanks for the road trip down to The Crossroads… Little Crippled Grapefruit Nixon BIAB 2023 Audiophile, 24/60 Core M2 Mac Studio Ultra/8TB/192GB Sonoma, M1 MBAir, 2012 MBP Digital Performer 11, LogicPro Finale27.4, Dorico5, Encore5, SmartScorePro64, Notion6, Overture5

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Bawb #618419 10/09/20 02:15 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida Planobilly Veteran
Planobilly Veteran Joined: Jul 2015 Posts: 2,520 Cow Country, Florida	Originally Posted By: Bawb Guitarhacker: This was a fun post, but I have to disagree with some of the rules: 5. Blues cars: Chevys and Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. See Terraplane Blues (Hudson) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEioabG8cE8 You have to be either a gearhead or old as dirt to even know what a Terraplane is... 6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. Jonny Lang was 12 when he began playing with the Bad Medicine Blues Band and 15 when he recorded Lie to Me... 10. Good places for the Blues: a. highway b. jailhouse c. empty house I'd add this one, guarding an ammo dump on your birthday... 20. I don't care how tragic your life: you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. I once had a Commodore 64 and nearly died of Dysentery, doesn't that count??? Well...I fit into the "old as dirt" category...lol Foghat did not write Terraeplane blues. Here is the original recording. https://youtu.be/iigXKpgrfYo Robert could very well have stolen it from from someone like Son House or other blues men of the time as they were all world famous for stealing each others songs. There are many models of the Terraplane made by Hudson and by Essex. These fabulous old cars are well known to collectors, both young and "old as dirt guys"...lol As Terraplane blues was recorded in San Antonio Texas in 1936, the one Robbert sings about most likely was a Essex. You see "old guys from Texas" know about all this stuff...lol New location, new environment, new music coming soon Seize the moo-ment If you feel like you’ve herd all these cow puns before, you probably have deja-moo

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #618908 10/13/20 03:13 AM Songwriting
Joined: Dec 2011 Posts: 14,067 GA USA Janice & Bud Veteran
Janice & Bud Veteran Joined: Dec 2011 Posts: 14,067 GA USA	IMHO, the most important aspect to know is that a blues singer must have soul ... period. And ya either get it or ya don't. Bud J&B Videos J&B Soundcloud J&B Website

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #631472 12/20/20 04:34 AM Songwriting
Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 878 Springfield, MO J Joseph Land Expert
Joseph Land Expert J Joined: Jan 2001 Posts: 878 Springfield, MO	Updated for 2020 I got my Government Covid19 relief check I got my Government Covid19 relief check Spent it all on women & cheap rot gut booze And now I got nothing to loose BIAB2024 Windows 10 Pro WA6NCB

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #631480 12/20/20 05:22 AM Songwriting
Joined: Dec 2018 Posts: 328 Arcachon, France TheMaartian Journeyman
TheMaartian Journeyman Joined: Dec 2018 Posts: 328 Arcachon, France	Where's my mule? Where's my forty acres? Where's my dream, Mr. Emancipator? Last edited by TheMaartian; 12/20/20 05:22 AM. ThinkPad i9 32GB RAM 7TB SSD; Win11 Pro; PreSonus Studio 1810c; BiaB 2024 Ultra Studio One 6 Pro; MuseScore 4; Melodyne 5 Studio; Acoustica Premium 7; Guitar Pro 8 Gig Performer 5; NI S61 MK3; Focal Shape 65; Beyerdynamic DT 880 & 770

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #638593 01/27/21 04:51 AM Songwriting
Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 8,074 Winston-Salem, NC Pat Marr Veteran
Pat Marr Veteran Joined: Oct 2008 Posts: 8,074 Winston-Salem, NC	ha! That was hilarious! Thanks for posting Herb. FWIW, somebody needs to take those rules and write a song that breaks every one. https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ey71h8ep047758h/AAC12jNM0Hz9Q8zsh5iDeqNHa?dl=0

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #638601 01/27/21 05:30 AM Songwriting
Joined: Dec 2011 Posts: 2,367 Lake Keowee, South Carolina MountainSide Veteran
MountainSide Veteran Joined: Dec 2011 Posts: 2,367 Lake Keowee, South Carolina	That's funny...now I know why I can't sing the blues! Just thinking about, I don't think I can sing anything! Jeff Win11, Intel i7 7700K 4.2Ghz, 32Gb RAM, 2x1Tb HD, 500Gb NVMe, BIAB/RB 2024, MOTU 828MK3 audio, MOTU Midi Express, Yamaha Montage 7, DX7II, TX802, Motif XS Rack, Roland Fantom XR Rack, Oberheim Matrix 1000, VoiceLive3 Extreme, Kontakt 6, SampleTank 4.3

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Pat Marr #638781 01/28/21 09:12 AM Songwriting
Joined: Apr 2017 Posts: 1,192 Sillie Con Valley, California Mike Halloran Expert
Mike Halloran Expert Joined: Apr 2017 Posts: 1,192 Sillie Con Valley, California	Originally Posted By: Pat Marr … FWIW, somebody needs to take those rules and write a song that breaks every one. "Bro country" can use blues progressions but it can never be the blues. BIAB 2023 Audiophile, 24/60 Core M2 Mac Studio Ultra/8TB/192GB Sonoma, M1 MBAir, 2012 MBP Digital Performer 11, LogicPro Finale27.4, Dorico5, Encore5, SmartScorePro64, Notion6, Overture5

Re: So you want to sing the blues. 20 things you need to know. Guitarhacker #638880 01/28/21 08:14 PM Songwriting
Joined: May 2008 Posts: 5,063 Kentucky USA Sundance Veteran
Sundance Veteran Joined: May 2008 Posts: 5,063 Kentucky USA	LOL Herb, Early one morning we drove up highway 51 to Parchment Prison on bald tires and fumes. Sister's old beat up blue Chevy wagon was all we had to go get Aunt Ruby. I heard the old folks saying it was really self defense when she shot that no good loafer five times that night in Memphis. He was one mean ol' cuss. She done her time. Big Mama Nadine Orange Rind Josie Beck Youtube Channel Josie Beck Soundcloud

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