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#630385 12/15/20 05:22 AM
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Hey Forum Friends...I could use some feedback/critique on this new song. I'm pretty sure I can improve it, but not sure about mix, vocal style (I tried to use a 'whispering' voice), any other suggestions to improve it would be appreciated!

Story--I had this done, musically, for quite a while, at a loss for how to turn the 3-note melody motif into something that made sense. I sifted thru a lot of ideas, like "Mike Mc-Gee", "Fri-ca-see", "woe is me"--finally clicked onto "butterfly" which I liked...then had a heck of a time continuing with the 3-note scheme thru the lyric. I'm happy with how the lyric finally turned out.

BUTTERFLY

--------------------
Yellow-bright, black-and-white, skipping by;
On my hand, won't you land, don't be shy;
And for a moment you stay,
Then you just flutter away

Dip and dart, touch my heart, catch my eye;
Flash your style, make me smile, won't you try?

Soul ensnared in sadness,
Darkened inner sky;
And like a flash of sunlight
You happen to stop by.
Bright silvery shimmers, you touch me.

Soul darkened in sadness,
Saddened inner sky;
Then with a splash of sunlight
You come hovering by.
Time out for my sorrow,
Come back tomorrow,
Little star, say good-bye,
You can't stay, so off you fly,
Paint the sky--
Butterfly!
============================
Style is DEODAT1.STY (Deodat1 - Swing 16 Jazz-Pop-Funk)
Style MIDI Instruments are : Clean Electric Guit (28), Pad-Poly Synth (91),
RealTracks in song: 3111:Bass, Electric FunkSimpleAlex Ev16 110
RealTracks in song: ~1437:Piano, Electric, Rhythm JazzFunkGroovin Ev16 110
RealDrums [in Song:ChajchasShakerSw16: a: ChajchasShakerSw16b: ChajchasShakerSw16
Added: Midi Strings, E Piano, HiHat Hits, Held Bass
Added: RT1073:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm SmoothJazzCool Sw16 100

Tano Music #630404 12/15/20 06:43 AM
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Hello Tano ...

What a lovely song! This song says "gentle listen". You always create some pleasant and very enjoyable music for us.

As far as suggestions:

1. I think you could back away from the microphone a bit. It sounds, to me, you're a little too close. And maybe add just a wee touch of reverb.

2. Bring up the volume of the backing tracks a bit such that they are just a bit softer than the vocal.

Your lyric turned out very nice. I enjoy songs that bring me a visually artist aura and this one did just that. I could mentally see that butterfly fluttering around me.

Thanks for a real nice listen! Wishing you the best. Take care and be safe ...

Alan


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Tano Music #630437 12/15/20 08:52 AM
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I concur with everything Alan said. I also think a flute solo might be more fitting for a song about a butterfly. Only a few years ago I learned the average butterfly lives about a month or less. Maybe you could incorporate that into your lyric.

But it's still a nice track as is.


Windows 10, Intel Core I5 10400, 16 gig ram, Scarlett 6i6, Komplete keyboard, Sony Acid Music Studio 11, BIAB 2020 UltraPlus Pak
Tano Music #630450 12/15/20 10:07 AM
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Thanks Alan and TuneMonger...just the kind of help I needed on this, and I'm going to take your advice. Thanks for checking this out and giving me your diagnosis!

Tano Music #630467 12/15/20 10:49 AM
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Hello TanoMusic,

Superb lyric and besides, I love butterflies. The arrangement lends itself well to your voice and lyrics. As has been said, a small increase in the volume of the orchestra would be nice. I had a great time listening to this melody.

Kindly regards
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash


Kindly regards
Derochette
alias JaniJackFlash
Tano Music #630604 12/16/20 12:48 AM
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Derochette..thanks for your kind feedback, glad you enjoyed it.

Tano Music #630755 12/16/20 02:25 PM
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I like this song, but I actually wanted to write almost the same as Alan, so there is no need to repeat all that.
Just want to add that I think you should re-upload the song again when you have brought the background and your voice closer "together", because it is definitely a track I would love to listen to again! ¨

You are a talented composer!

Will

Tano Music #630796 12/16/20 06:04 PM
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That is such a sweet and kind song, I love the light and fresh vibes it brings.

As far as suggestions :
- like people said I would put the vocals more in the back and raise the backing track. So basically balancing a bit more between vocals/instruments. Maybe as it has been said doing another take where you are a bit further from the mic if just rebalancing the volumes is not enough.

- I would decrease the volume of the shaker. It is as present as the other instruments whereas I see the shaker more like a spice in a dish.

- Having the sax is great! I wonder if you could try not to have the shaker play during the sax solo ? It might give more presence to the sax solo. I found the shaker to be a bit distracting (but that's just me, some others might disagree).

You have a great tune and great melody, this is an adorable song. Those suggestions are just adjustments to a very good song smile

Last edited by Angelomusic; 12/16/20 06:06 PM.
Tano Music #630813 12/17/20 12:42 AM
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Will, Angelo...thanks for the feedback..I’ll be working on improving it with your recommendations.

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