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Another new one. New mic ... not used to it yet - not totally sure how good the mix is, perhaps the voice is a tad too loud compared to the background? Honestly not quite sure, because I want the lyrics to come through loud and clear, too. Anyhow ... here it is, for what it may be worth. Thanks for listening - all feedback welcome!


https://soundcloud.com/jamesdelsono/perhaps


PERHAPS

Perhaps it's time to let her go ...
Many years have passed so quickly, you know ...
She was, last time in my arms, so long ago ...
Perhaps I should, at last, just let her go.

Perhaps I should, at last, just let her fly ...
It's far too much time that's now gone by
Since the last time she said "I'm here to stay" ...
Perhaps I should just sigh and say goodbye.

It is so hard to let go of those you trust
Especially when everybody says "you must"
For mutual love's not something one can lose
So easily ... it's not a matter of "I choose".

It is so hard to let go of those you love
And look upon them as they soar, above,
But that is, I'm afraid, her destiny ...
She chose to leave behind the likes of me.

The likes of me that loved her so,
And would have worshipped her from head to toe ...
She has decided that I'm to be left behind,
No matter how true the meeting of our minds.

No matter just how much SHE loved me, see,
No matter just how strong our love would be,
She sold it all, because she wanted to be free ...
A moment, instead of an eternity ... so you see ...

Perhaps it's time to let her go ...
Perhaps she regrets it now, who knows ...
She was, though, in my arms, so long ago ...
Perhaps I should, at last, just let her go.

If you know how ... please let me know.


****** Song Summary *************
Title: Perhaps - 2 September 2021
File:Perhaps - 2 September 2021.SGU
Key=C , Tempo 80, Length (m:s)=3:30
No intro. 66 bar chorus, from bar 1 to bar 66. Repeat x1 chorus
No Melody
No Soloist track.
Song is saved with Volume, Pan, Reverb, Chorus, Bank0,
Style is _SATURN.STY (Saturn '90s R 'n' B Piano Ballad)

RealTracks in style: 1825:Bass, Electric, PopModernGrooveHeld Ev16 075
RealTracks in style: 1767:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm Pop16 Ev16 085
Loop in Song: Pop-Soul-RnB\R n B - slowjam_a_62_f drums ev16.wav
Loop in Song: Pop-Soul-RnB\R n B - slowjam_c_62_a drums ev16.wav
*******************

James,

A good write, lyrically. The melody is fairly pretty repetitive. Could use some change-up somewhere...

Vocal sounds fine - just very slightly "boom-y" (dropping out the low end with some EQ could easily fix that).
There is a good deal of sibliance in the 2nd half (again, easily handled either manually or with a de-esser plugin - there are some free ones out there).

fj

Excellent lyric James. I agree with Floyd on the backtrack. Maybe up a half step in places to add a bit of build in the music. Excellent listen though. Well done

fj and Scott: Yep, listening to it now, again. I did want to create a minimalistic-style song, this time, but I probably went too far with the minimalism. I'll have another look at the chord sheet :-) I'll also work on the EQ, great suggestion fj.

Thanks for listening and for the genuine advice!

Hi James,

All of the previous advice given will be helpful! I still like it though and understand your approach with the minimal backing! A spoken word track doesn't need to rely on a complex backtrack. In order to maintain the focus on the message, a backing like this works fine for me! Thanks and keep at it! Torrey

As always, your lyrical offerings are wonderful.

I'd suggest a little cut on the vocal lows to bring them a little forward.

Well done

moto

A really clear story and emotion has been painted with this song. Nice work! I will be curious to see what the song will morph into if all the suggestions posted previously get used. If you end up making a second version I'll keep my eyes out for it!

Thanks, everyone! I'll try to make a second version, for sure ... just a matter of finding the time. I really want to sort out the EQ problem, for one ... and see what I can do about making it sound more varied! Thanks again for listening :-)

Hi James,

This is you. The singer of the spoken words.
Watch out with changing volumes of instruments, maybe 'you' will get lost.
I agree with Floyd about the amount of sibilance, so now you have to adjust that ;-)

But I listened with pleasure,
Hans

Very enjoyable James!

Great job man.

This is good. In my opinion it is the background music that is too loud.

Thanks, all. I hadn't thought about the changing volume of the instruments. See? It's good to have so many other musicians listen :-) I must also revise my mic technique ... different mic, really uncomfortable right now. But that's another matter - the sibilance will also be dealt with - with my De-Esser plugin :-) (hopefully, it'll work!). Thanks for listening :-)

James this is fantastic. Great lyrics! I agree about the booming vocal but not about the minimal backing track. I love what you have here so IMHO I wouldn't change that. YMMV

Two thumbs up.

Hi James,

As always, I enjoyed letting your words and your music carry me along.

It's easy to hear that you've spent quite a bit of time putting these lyrics together. Your attention to rhyme, poetic rhythm and lyric development is a real credit to you.

As I sat here listening, I started wondering if you've ever written a song using an AABA format. This lyric presentation seems to gravitate towards this format. If you want me to go into a bit more detail about this format, please let me know and I will.

Congratulations on a fine effort!

All the best,
Noel

Thanks everybody. Really kind of you to listen. I will definitely work on many of the suggestions you've given me as soon as I get a chance to! Noel, I will be in touch soon - thanks so much.

Sounds good on my headphones.

The /iy/ on "stay" was more than a bit a bit forced:
Since the last time she said "I'm here to stay" ...

Nicely done!

Hi David, you've got the ears of a rabbit who's listening out for the fox - really. Superb hearing. Yes, that syllable WAS forced, and the reason for it (no excuse, but just an explanation, haha) is that I was trying to rhyme it with "goodbye", so was going for "iy", instead of "ay" - ended up sounding like neither, lol.

Thanks for the kind feedback - I'm now officially a little scared of how good your hearing is!!! haha :-)