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#707017 - 03/01/22 04:18 PM
[User Showcase]
What Went Wrong
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Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
Enthusiast
Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
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https://soundcloud.com/user-76836945-522642460/what-went-wrong?utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharingPop rock tune that started as true biography then took an unpleasant turn, much like my vocals). BIAB Cavort style Guitars: 1260, 2757, 631 Synth pads: 1840, 1801 Synth Drums: Dance rock Bass: 995 Kitchen Sink: Kohler She was a girl who wanted everything. He was just a boy who had nothing to give. So he left home to do his own thing and maybe find a job so they could both live For months and months he pined away, buried in his work, or alone in his crib. He wondered aloud “How long would it take for her to begin to really miss me?” And walked down the railroad tracks and suddenly started to whistle “Dixie” He envisioned all four million steps between here and Mississippi. What went wrong was everything. He tried to cure loneliness with a wedding ring. In the end it doesn't mean a thing. You can’t solve a problem just with some bling. He flew back home for the wedding. His Daddy said you can still change your mind. Father-in-law nodded his agreement, and you better hurry you’re running out of time. But he knew he had come too far to leave the girl of his dreams so far behind. Life in L.A. was a pleasure. Sun-seared days bodies sizzled all night. She would sleep late every morning; her bikini by the pool became a common sight. He came home tired every evening just as she went out dressed to delight What went wrong was everything. The girl he married was not the one he knew before. In the end it doesn't mean a thing. You can’t solve a problem you want to ignore. The final straw came when she left him, and ran off to Vegas with a millionaire He spent his evenings with Jack Daniels, numbing the pain until he no longer cared Then he realized he’d had enough and decided that life isn't often fair What went wrong was everything just another chapter in a book of history In the end you can't build your dreams on nothing more than your best memories Or what will go wrong is everything What will go wrong is everything ------------
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#707043 - 03/01/22 08:18 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: BLONG]
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Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5730
Loc: Sacramento, California
Veteran
Registered: 09/27/10
Posts: 5730
Loc: Sacramento, California
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Good work! There are some nice lines in here, like: He envisioned
all four million steps
between here
and Mississippi.and What went wrong
was everythingYou didn't say if you wanted any feedback, so feel free to skip this next part!  The sequence felt a bit disjointed - in the second verse he's walking away, and the third he's getting married. I felt like I lost the narrative thread. I would have liked more difference between the verse and chorus. IMNSHO they sounded too much alike, and it helps to break the song into sections.
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#707049 - 03/01/22 08:50 PM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: dcuny]
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Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
Enthusiast
Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
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I post only for feedback,and I appreciate it all. First verse he left home to find a job, second verse walking around pondering next move, third verse returns home for his girl to bring her to Cali. Of course, if I have to explain that then the song is obviously unclear. I'll work on a distinction between verse and chorus. Thank you very much for your input!
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#707268 - 03/03/22 09:17 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: BLONG]
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Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 7164
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
Veteran
Registered: 12/08/11
Posts: 7164
Loc: Edmonton, Ab, Canada
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Excellent tune. Super vocal and backtrack. Cool story in the lyric. Well done
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#707270 - 03/03/22 09:22 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: Scott C]
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Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
Enthusiast
Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
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Kind of you to say so. Thanks!
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#707277 - 03/03/22 09:34 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: BLONG]
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Registered: 10/21/21
Posts: 1157
Loc: Versmold - GERMANY
Expert
Registered: 10/21/21
Posts: 1157
Loc: Versmold - GERMANY
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Cool rock song
Could have used a guitar solo ;-)
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
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#707282 - 03/03/22 09:51 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: BLONG]
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Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 1217
Loc: Southeast USA
Expert
Registered: 11/01/09
Posts: 1217
Loc: Southeast USA
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Good job on the tracks, and song write... Vocals are a little pitchy in a few spots, easily fixed with Melodyne, or some such.
I don't know what it costs now, but Melodyne is well worth the price.
_________________________
Bandcamp Soundcloud Windows10; BIAB-2023; Cakewalk;
Melodyne-5; Scaler 2; Focusrite Scarlett 18i20
Native Komplete
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#707290 - 03/03/22 10:19 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: bloc-head]
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Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
Enthusiast
Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
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I've been reading reviews and shopping around. My greatest concern isn't cost but lack of technical skill to make any such device work adequately.
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#708422 - 03/11/22 08:37 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: BLONG]
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Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
Expert
Registered: 01/06/20
Posts: 1749
Loc: Illinois
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#708438 - 03/11/22 09:53 AM
[User Showcase]
Re: What Went Wrong
[Re: CaptainMoto]
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Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
Enthusiast
Registered: 10/23/20
Posts: 51
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Thanks! Quasi-autobiographical, at least the beginning.
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