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#728125 08/18/22 09:06 PM
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Chimble Offline OP
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https://soundcloud.com/alan-davis-35/let-it-out-let-it-shine?si=ffe9fe986edb4d54994c4f82caace847&utm_source=clipboard&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=social_sharing

I hope it is acceptable to post old songs here. I'm working on a set of new songs, but they'll be percolating for a while still. In the meantime...

A father fears his brilliant son is descending into mental illness, and wishes he could get through to his child.
This is the penultimate version of the final assignment in a Coursera lyric writing course. The feedback I received was that the music didn’t match the emotional tenor of the lyrics. I replied, Yeah? Listen to Elvis Costello’s Veronica. Sometimes it works. I also needed to change some of the rhymes in the third verse — it was a lyric writing course, so I guess that feedback was valid. I did a version that addressed the feedback, but I still think I like this one better.
Since it was an interim version of an assignment, I didn’t do much production work — just enough to make it sound presentable.

Style is _SHINSYN.STY 140 bpm

RealTracks in style: 1255:Bass, Electric, PopShiningA-B Ev 120
RealTracks in style: 1264:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm PopShiningA-B Ev 120
RealTracks in style: 1259:Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopShiningRockA-B Ev 120
RealTracks in style: 1267:Synth Pad, PopShiningA-B Ev 120
RealTracks in song: 1169:Guitar, Electric, Soloist RockMediumBrent Ev 120
RealDrums in Style: PraiseWorshipShine^03-a:Kick, HiHat , b:Snare, HiHat Slightly Open

Mixed in Logic Pro
FX:
Vocals: Logic’s Channel EQ, Waves CLA Vocals, Start It Up preset
Drums: Logic Compressor FET, Live Drums preset
Piano: Logic Compressor FET, Keyboards preset
Ran the mix through PSP VintageWarmer 2, Mix Finalize 3 preset
Living dangerously, I applied no pitch correction to my vocals.

Lyrics:
There was a time, there was a time
Not that long ago
You had a radiant smile
light up everywhere you go
We knew that you'd excel
just believe in yourself
But then it seemed to fade away

I look at you today
It seems like you're in pain
What's happened to the spark
What's made you go so dark
Your voice has gone astray
Your charm has left the stage
Why did you have to fade away

Let it out, let it shine
Don't hide your light under a basket
Let it out, let it shine
Show us who you are, that's all that we're asking

I hope you know we're here for you 
Any thing that we can give or say or do
You don't have to do this all alone
You are loved

Your future's in your hands
Create a new sunrise
Chase away the clouds
Let's see the joy in your eyes
I think I see a flicker
A sign of a change
Now's the time to come alive

Comments, critiques, fawning praise all welcome. whistle

Last edited by Chimble; 08/18/22 09:25 PM.
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Hey, welcome to the forum, Alan. I'm glad you stuck to your feelings, man. This is a good one. Maybe they were just looking for something smart to say for a better grade or to justify their teaching abilities, and as often happens in cases like that, they said something stupid. Maybe it was because you sounded so happy singing, "It seems like you're in pain." But the song as a whole fits so well lyrically and musically. You're right, you don't need no stinking pitch correction. I often make the song worse when I try to fix it. wink There's a lot going on in the mix, and it all comes through well.

Oh, yes, we haven't heard your old ones, so for me they are all new. Keep 'em coming.

Last edited by BabuMusic; 08/19/22 02:30 AM.

Enjoy whatever happens!
marty

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The age of the song doesn't matter. Jump in and post more.

Cool tune. Has a very distinct 80's rock groove to it.... very reminiscent of THE CARS. Nicely done.

Went back and reread the OP.... the topic is interesting. Just recall that quite a bit of Pink Floyd's music was written on this topic as they watched helplessly as their original guitarist Sid descended into the the darknesss. Several of their big hits were the result of putting that pain into verse and song.

Last edited by Guitarhacker; 08/19/22 02:34 AM.

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Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.

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Hey, great job Alan.

This is very well produced!

I can't wait to hear more from you.

I really enjoyed these lyrics too.

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I think it's a cool song and I don't think that there's a problem with the music and the lyrics, they go together quite well.
And you wrote a killer chorus.

They only thing I might probably change is in the chorus, the pause after the "under a basket" phrase breaks the rhythmic flow.
I would put the second "let" directly on the next beat after "basket".


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This is a killer of a song.

Great vocal and lyrics

The mix is fantastic

This all works for me

Two thumbs up


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"just enough to make it sound presentable."

Pretty presentable to my ears smile

Alan,
Good tune, solid lyrics and clear mix. I don't think you need a pitch correction at all. Thank you for sharing.

Misha.

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welcome.

really liked the song build up from start and that center guitar. drums fit perfectly imho.
i like the way the piano comes in.

just an idea 'let it out etc' chorus maybe double the vocals ? i hear femme back up vocs on the chorus.

this is a very nice arrangement with superb emotion.

tasty song. well done.

om


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I say good job all around.
Keep your creativity going.
"Don't hide your light under a basket" smile


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I loved this song, great chorus and well sung. Very catchy. I'm on the fence about the lyrics fitting. I can see how you would get that feedback, but I also think changing things up can take a song to the next level.

Excellent work, looking forward to hearing more.


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Alan,

"...just enough to make it sound presentable"
Certainly, more than that. It's a good production.
(although, some background vocals would be a good addition, I think).
A good mix.

An interesting lyric.
(there are untold number of songs that "work" with music that might be considered to be "at odds" with the lyrical message/intent. they are often more interesting because of it....)

fj

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Nice song. It's got a driving feel to it and is well produced. I agree with Floyd about the possibility of adding some BGV's.

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Thanks, everyone for having a listen, and for your kind comments.
Someday, I'll go back and re-record the vocals with the updated lyrics, and then do a more complete job of producing the track. Someday...

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Hey Alan ...

Welcome to the forum. there's just one letter difference in out names ... I'm Alan David.

A very strong 80s sound that's well presented. Each lyricist feels the lyric in his/her own way. And I'm fine with that. No lyrical problem from m y POV. Very nice use of the BIAN Real Tracks! It's a great introductory song - looking to hear more from you.

I've been to Japan twice ... but many years ago ... in the 60s and again in the 70s. Loved it!

Welcome aboard and hope you stay and give us some more listening pleasure.

Alan


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Hey, Alan,

Thank you. Yeah, this particular song was an assignment for a lyric-writing course, so I felt I had to follow the rules of the assignment which was to use rhymes. I don't know what happened in the third verse -- I think kind of lost track of what I was aiming for. The lyrics in the final version probably worked better in the long run. I also changed the music to something less upbeat, but I think I prefer this version as far as the music goes.

Wow! Japan in the 60s must have been interesting. I first arrived here in 1976. It was quite a different place then than it is now. Were you here with the military?

Cheers!

Originally Posted By: Al-David
Hey Alan ...

Welcome to the forum. there's just one letter difference in out names ... I'm Alan David.

A very strong 80s sound that's well presented. Each lyricist feels the lyric in his/her own way. And I'm fine with that. No lyrical problem from m y POV. Very nice use of the BIAN Real Tracks! It's a great introductory song - looking to hear more from you.

I've been to Japan twice ... but many years ago ... in the 60s and again in the 70s. Loved it!

Welcome aboard and hope you stay and give us some more listening pleasure.

Alan

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"Hey, Alan,

Thank you. Yeah, this particular song was an assignment for a lyric-writing course, so I felt I had to follow the rules of the assignment which was to use rhymes. I don't know what happened in the third verse -- I think kind of lost track of what I was aiming for. The lyrics in the final version probably worked better in the long run. I also changed the music to something less upbeat, but I think I prefer this version as far as the music goes.

Wow! Japan in the 60s must have been interesting. I first arrived here in 1976. It was quite a different place then than it is now. Were you here with the military?

Cheers!"




Yes, I was in the military both times, but my second visit was personal - just a vacation.

The first time, I was there in February of 1967. I got shot in Vietnam and was sent to Japan for treatment and recovery. After getting out the hospital as an inpatient in Yokohama, I was given a 37-day leave to recuperate. I toured as much as possible. Had a great time. It's a beautiful country.

The second time (August 1976), I was stationed in Germany and took a 2-week leave to visit Japan again. What a change in just 9 years! I can only try to imagine how much it's changed since then!!!

Take care ...

Alan

Last edited by Al-David; 08/21/22 04:42 PM.

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Hi Alan
Cool song
Sounds great
Really fun to listen to
Great work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

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Thanks, Andi.

Originally Posted By: PROJECT M
Hi Alan
Cool song
Sounds great
Really fun to listen to
Great work
Many greetings
Andi ;-)

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