Here are a few observations:

1) I love the ol' switcheroo where you start singing about the dog and end up singing the same refrain to the girl in room 210. I bet you struggled to find words that would fit in both instances (they did! Good job!)

2) however, some of your audience may think like me, and wonder if the neighbor girl was a real dog. But you did head that off at the pass by saying she was a perfect angel (which I presume was a tie-in to "the heavens above" which is a tie-in to the parents that had to be asked if the boy could keep her...?)

3) regarding the corniness factor: we had a discussion before you were on the forum about songs that so blatantly tug on the heart strings that instead of having the desired effect they become corny instead. The 60's song HONEY (about a man's deceased wife) was thought by many to be emotionally manipulative. But an equal number of comments revealed that with some people it had the desired effect.

My conclusion about the "corn factor" is that all emotional appeal seeks a niche audience, and will be rejected by anyone outside that niche. I say "go for it" and let the chips fall where they may. Second guessing song ideas has only one effect, and that is to undermine confidence

4) a real interesting and unexpected turn might have been to team up with Boehm, and make the girl in room 210 a bionic female, and you have to ask a reluctant group of scientists if you can marry her. wink


As usual, I envy your talent. You should post something that sucks once in a while so the rest of us mortals take courage and venture into the arena without the pressure of hitting a home run every time.

Last edited by Pat Marr; 05/31/13 01:29 PM.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ey71h8ep047758h/AAC12jNM0Hz9Q8zsh5iDeqNHa?dl=0