Dani,

Maybe its because English is not your first language (or is it?) but I really liked the way you phrased the verses. There was an equally poetic / conversational quality to them... conversational in the sense that the words would work in a story-telling setting... but poetic because the average person these days would not state the events in quite same way as you did, and I like the presentation you chose.

A story is told from the vantage point of one, with all of that individual's opinions, beliefs, fears, dreams etc automatically rolled into the equation. The fact that your character said:
Quote:
and he told us he had heard the call
for help we had directed t´wards Our Holy Son
that takes it out of the realm of generality and places it directly into the mouth of an individual. I liked that.

I also liked your accent in the context of the gold rush, because at that time in American history there was a huge immigration in process, and most of the characters of such historical tales were of European origin, and their language was still primarily from their country of origin

In summary, your song evokes the believable image of a saloon in a goldrush shanty town where an immigrant prospector walks up to the piano player and lays down a sack of gold dust for an opportunity to sing his tale of adventure

Thanks for sharing such a colorful story.

Last edited by Pat Marr; 06/02/13 01:15 PM.
https://www.dropbox.com/sh/ey71h8ep047758h/AAC12jNM0Hz9Q8zsh5iDeqNHa?dl=0