Hi Herb,

This song is great; a really enjoyable listen. I have to hand it to you. Your songs are sounding incredibly professional. You've really developed the knack for writing, arranging and producing.

Below is just an aside. Please feel free to ignore it (in fact, you probably should) ...

Because I recently noticed that one of floyd's songs was a list song, it immediately stood out to me that verse 1 of this one, too, was a list song. One of the reasons that I find it difficult to use the 'list' approach is because I find verse development difficult. The question of "How do I make the second verse more emotionally intense?" always leaves me scratching my head. You've done it amazingly well here.

In her book, 10 Steps To Effective Story Telling, Andrea Stolpe talks about using more internal-based lyrics in the second verse as a means of development. I don't know if you're aware of it, but that's exactly what you've done here.

Using Stolpe terminology, in verse 1, you've used three 'external' lines followed by a fourth 'internal' line. (An 'internal' line is always great as a chorus trigger.) Then in verse 2, you've used one 'external' line followed by three 'internal' lines. Because you've set the scene so well with verse 1, the emotional intensity of the three 'internal' lines really lifts the emotional weight of the second verse. Very, very nicely done! In my opinion, these lyrics showcase the fine use of some great songwriting tools.

Overall ... it's applause all around from me!

All the best,
Noel

MY SONGS...
Audiophile BIAB 2024