Originally Posted By: floyd jane
Herb,

A lot of good stuff in this. One of your best vocals.
A good classic country production.

As others have noted, there is a lot of high eq to the mix that gives it a "brittleness" that you don't usually do. It lacks the "warmth" that your productions typically have.

Best writing I've heard from you. Good imagery. It would be nice if you smoothed a couple of "bumps".
A bunch of places where there are more syllables than fit comfortably into your melody. Some are easily fixed by eliminating unnecessary words or changing the wording slightly. Tom's suggestion on "growing" is a good one...another example...

"There's tape on the windows and an old weathered sign"
would sing more smoothly as
"Tape on the windows, an old weathered sign"

"for eternity" (drop ""all")

"A padlock is rusting..." could be "A padlock, rusting...hangs on the door"

Substituting "Our small towns" for "The small towns" would make it more personal - involve your audience...

The chorus and third verse are strong (you could drop "those" in front of flat-screens)

Cool that you've hit #1 in Christian Country.

Good job on this.

floyd


Floyd, you gave me lots of things to consider...

So I fired up the DAW....and loaded this project. I edited the high end on the EQ a bit..... and I punched in a few places..... as well as muting a word here and there..... just the easy changes..... I also edited the ending envelopes a bit to change a few things there as well.

The new version is now in the place of the old one..... the highs are tamed a bit more....hopefully without losing the space and air....

Floyd.... thanks for the feedback and for listening and commenting in detail.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
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