Originally Posted By: Henry Clarke
I think I write pretty good lyrics so I'd like to chime in if I may.

1. First of all respectfully Lyrics without music are poetry. The reason why I say that is because as a singer cadence and tempo are critical in delivering the song. A lot of times when just lyrics are given to singers they tend to change/shorten a lot of words and phrases so they can deliver while at the same time breathe so it's a bit difficult to say whether this is a good song to sing without hearing what you have in mind for music. Is the music fast, slow, mid tempo? Is the style Country, Soul, BlueGrass, etc... See what I mean?

2. I'm not sure where your hook is and if it's memorable. You want to create a vision with your lyrics so the listener can visualize in their own mind what you're trying to say. Try a few more colorful adjectives to create this type of illusion.

3. GuitarHacker is correct. Try to get into a few workshops. They help a lot in honing this difficult craft (and believe me it is difficult (writer's block is a bear) but gets easier with experience and effort).

4, I find my lyric writing easiest when I have a hook first but there's no strict way of doing this. Keep at it. It will get better. I really can't evaluate this one without any music. I will say though that you have a great structure of Verse/Pre-Chorus/Hook and a Bridge. I'm sure if you did this you have some melody in mind.

Here's a couple of examples of Lyrics that I have written and published to hopefully demonstrate what I'm saying:

This one is a Dance Song for Stepping in the club. There's no doubt what I'm after and the hook is simple. Listen to the track along with the words so you can see how they fit:

https://youtu.be/4nbWDvMeT7M

(Extract) Step With You
Henry Clarke

1st Verse:
Everybody in the joint is jumping
Everybody's having fun tonight
Nobody's acting foolish
Just wanna feel alright

2nd Verse:
the DJ's got us going
young and old getting in the groove
But ya know that I've been watching
Just wanna get with you

Change:
Step step side to side
C'mon let's electric slide
let's show them what we can do

in out up and back
shake your head and throw it back
cause they cant match the way we groove

HOOK:
ooooh .. I like to step with you
I like the way you move
oooh ... I like to step with you ... with you

"THOSE WERE THE TIMES" - easy singalong hook and instantly brings back memories for people who were around at that time. Listen to this one and see how the song also uses the type of instrumentation you would find in the era it's referencing

https://youtu.be/YJgp6ytSBX4

Those Were The Times
By: Henry Clarke

1st Verse:
I remember those days when the music was loud and clear
We were moving to the Motown sound Berry filling our ears
and the DJ telling us all the places we ought to be
hanging out on the corner looking cool was the way to be

Change:
You're telling your girl on the phone
that Marvin says "Let's Get It On"
Your momma says lord help me please
Cause I ain't home yet and it's quarter to three

Hook:
Those were the times I remember
Soul Music, blasting out the windows
Those times I'll never forget
good times I have no regrets


2nd Verse:
I remember those days when a dollar was all that we had
But a dollar in the Chevy was enough to take you anywhere etc...

Get my drift? If you were around at that time you can definitely relate :-0

I didn't do a ballad because they are easier to sing I do have some of those that I've written and the Lyrics are pretty good. I suggest you put a melody against your lyrics and see how it works out. You may find yourself doing some simple edits to make the lyrics fit a bit better with the music. Also once you put that melody to lyrics you may just find yourself think about the song at different times of the day and a "cool phrase" will pop in your mind. DON'T LET THE GO BY. DON'T SAY I'LL WRTIE IT DOWN LATER. Whip out that cell phone and sing that phrase into the phone. Lyrics can be fleeing so you want to catch them when the inspiration hits.

Hope this helps.

Cheers,

Henry


Henry, this is great advice and you backed it up with really strong examples (which are so much better than opinions!) Really great songs remind me of my youth!