After the 2nd verse I was really curious about how you'd end the song...so many options spoke to me.
The one you went with is really appropriate.
This song is a wonderful thing in it's own right...melody, story, dynamic arrangement and a completely self contained package.
It's also an exemplar of how restraint, a less is more aesthetic and unsullied rhymes combine to make a stellar song.


Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe