Well.... I'm certainly not a cinematic scoring expert, but I'd say ..... probably .... no.

Leave out the screams.... and the music, while good, needs to have more movement in it. The first 10 seconds is good.... pretty close to what you expect in this genre.... but then nothing else happens.

You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.