I think it's too full sounding for what you're shooting at.

Strip it down.... 4 instruments...... and cut the lows and mids....

try to replicate as closely the example they give you.


You can find my music at:
www.herbhartley.com
Add nothing that adds nothing to the music.
You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both.

The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.