PG Music Home Forums General Discussion Off-Topic A short biography - letting go of an unreached aspiration... share your own story

So this might be an interesting topic - I'll share my most formative life events and motivations, share a big unfulfilled aspiratoin in my life (a disappointment really), and how I've finally almost accepted it, but not quite over it.

I was a school "goody goody" (always got great grades from incredibly hard work - my parents had financial problems, among others, and instilled that if I studied hard in school and got a good job, I wouldn't have those). Also, having a mom with bipolar disorder who got severely sick every 1 to 2 years, and no way to get away from it living in a small apartment, it was hell to be in the house and watch over her.

I started playing guitar at 14 (I'm 54 now), because I absolutely loved music, and because I thought it would help me be more cool, make friends, get chicks, and make some side money. Well, it did give me something to talk about with other kids who I knew that were also learning an instrument - but that's about it. I never really met the right people to be in a band with - they were either too good, beginners, or plane old 'too cool' for me to fit in with. At some point I had hoped to get good enough to be in a wedding band - which was the best paying, steadiest work that was still available back then...that didn't pan out for the same reasons. I did get good enough to give guitar lessons to beginners, and the musical highlights for me were going into the study with a few friends that also played instruments - but that never led to anything else.

In hindsight, while I practiced many hours, I didn't have guitar teachers that taught me to practice the right things...the new tab books that gave note for note transcriptions were a blessing because I could never really hear the harmonies when learning songs off the record - to this day that's still one of my weak points. And not playing with other musicians frequently or getting in a band...well that is crippling if you're trying to become a musician.

I graduated with an electrical engineering degree, and later added a computer science degree - never really used my education to it's fullest advantage. My first real jobs were with defense companies - 4 years with automated testing equipment, 20 years testing financial software for financial companies, and recently ten years as an Occupational Therapist helping kids with mild cognitive disabilities (mostly LD, ADHD, behavior issues). During those years, I continued to study music, and besides my main love for early hard rock and pop music, added in flamenco music.

Looking back - I still love to listen to music, and continue to be a "professional student". I still love to watch guitar lessons online and collect great teaching software. I look for people similar to my profile, but rarely find them - again, they're either much better than me, or beginners.

Music can no longer offer the things I originally wanted - my "coolness" has never really changed, and I accept that whatever level of coolness I have is not something I could easily change - it would be artificial anyway, even if I could. Chicks ? - well I'm very happily married, love my wife, and would never break our trust - and open relationships present too many complications, and most of the wives don't like that idea, God knows you can feel attraction to other women, but actually going through with it would probably present more unexpected problems than you could easily foresee lol Making some extra money ? never happened. Playing in a band ? never worked out.

One thing that did work out was managing to stay employed in ok-paying jobs. Besides music, another hope I had was making some big money. I never did that, but I'm very thankful to own a house and have no trouble paying the bills and affording all the little pleasures I want.

I still like to learn and play along with records, but I realize my natural musical talent plus practicing is far above many, but far below many also. One good thing that I have finally accepted is that those things I hoped for earlier from music - they stopped making sense as logical goals given my current place in life. Earlier, I would beat myself up for not practicing enough, not progressing quickly enough, and not working hard enough at it. More recently - last few years, accepting that those goals don't mean the same thing they once did and they are unrealistic for me to achieve, I don't feel bad about practicing less, and therefore have more time to do other things. Practicing can really eat up a lot of your leisure hours, which for most are minimal to begin with if you have a life outside your music.

Wow - that was fun - covers lots of things in my life. If you have a similar profile - PM me - maybe we can study some online lessons together or push each other to learn some songs.

Also - share your biography too !!! At least one person would be interested (I would) , and I bet a lot of other members too. Many of us have talked music for so long and know each other on the topic levels this forum offers- I bet there are a lot of other interesting things your fellow members would be interested in learning about you.

I appreciate the transparent look into what makes Joe V be Joe V. I'll play too.

When I was a kid, I was also in a very poor family. I had to wear the same shoes in 4th and 5th grade, despite my growing out of them. The soles were worn through, and my mother took cardboard and plastic wrap and made inserts to at the very least keep my socks dry. I had started music lessons at an age of 4 yrs 10 months. By age 10 I was becoming bored with it. I was playing accordion, like all little Slovenian boys did. That got old even in the last 2 years when I switched to piano. So I pulled out of those lessons. I still played on my own, but when I wanted to, not because I had to practice for my next lesson. (Monday nights at 6.) I ended up playing at block party type places with some of the polka music heavyweights in Cleveland. And remember we had Frankie Yankovich, the Polka King here. At one such gathering some old guy with an accordion walked up the driveway about 6pm. He started playing. They had me start playing with him. I was reading from music and he said "Move that stand closer so I can see the music too." Everybody laughed, but I didn't know why. That guy's name from Joe Trolli, and he wrote every song in those books. Shortly after an upright bass player showed up. Then a drummer. Then a banjo player. Things went non-stop until about 9pm at which time Yankovich himself showed up. He joined in and we played another hour or so. When we finished he came over and said "Hey kid, how old are you?" I said "I'm 10." His reply was "Whatever you do, wherever life takes you, never stop playing music. You have the gift of a very good ear and exceptional rhythm." I said "I do?" At which point he picked up his accordion, turned his back, played a note and said "What note is this?" I said "A flat." Then he started playing a song and said "What key is this in?" I said "F". He said "My god. You have perfect pitch." and then turned to my mother and said "You see to it that he stays with music." And then they talked privately for a bit. Soon after The Beatles became a thing and I wanted to play guitar. The following Christmas they bought me a cheap acoustic and I started learning on my own. They found me a local teacher, recommended by the old accordion teacher, and I started lessons in spring. After 12 weeks, at the end of the 12th lesson, he said "Would you call your father for me?" I did, and he said "I will drive him home because I want to talk to you." He drove me home and we all sat in the kitchen as he told my parents "I have nothing more I can teach him. He came to me with such a solid foundation that it now comes down to how much he wants to practice." So I stopped paid guitar lessons.

At this point though, I was turning 12, and all I wanted to do was play baseball. I didn't really care much about anything else, because baseball, even in 1963, was my way to fame and fortune. My father was supportive to the point where in winter he would shovel a spot on the long sidewalk of your yard where a pitching rubber and a home plate were painted, and pitch to me so I could work on my catching all year. We'd be out there in 25 degree weather in many sweatshirts, him pitching, me catching. Throwing curve balls, mixing in pitches that were wide to both sides, that bounced... I had to learn how to block bad pitches. At 12 I played on a traveling team of 15-16 year-olds because I was already better than their catchers. Played in high school. Star level. Home run hitting very good defensive catcher. Second team all state.

But there's a however. I didn't care about grades. I didn't study AT ALL because I was going to be a rich baseball player so who needs to know when the Battle of Hastings was fought? (1066) My IQ was measured at slightly over 160 and I got D and F grades for 4 years of high school. (More on that later.) Colleges wouldn't touch me, and I was not good enough to turn pro. I graduated 478th of 498, and I think they passed me through because they felt sorry for me. So I had a diploma but didn't know how to do anything. My friends were all off at college, learning to be accountants, lawyers, 2 are doctors.... So I went into the Army.

After 3 years of that, I came out with the GI Bill in my pocket and went to college. And here's where my parents both shook and scratched their heads. I finished a BA in Music in 14 quarters, and in every one of those 14 quarters I was on the Dean's List. I never got anything but an A in college. It was really just a story of the Army making a man out of me and making me understand that the world didn't play games. However, here I was with a BA in my hands, and what was I going to do with it? Teach? I didn't want to teach. So I kicked around a number of jobs while playing music on the side. The longest run at a straight job was the 8 years I spent as a mailman. In that 8th year, at age 35, I sat down by Lake Erie one day and stared out at the water and asked myself "Are you good enough of a musician to make a run at it full time or are you going to admit you are not?" I walked in and quit that post office to play full time. It took me 4 months to find a full time band, and I did music full time for about 10 years. I was then 45 and it was clear that I was NOT going to be the next John Lennon level songwriter, and I was NOT going to be the next Eric Clapton level guitar player, and I was NOT going to be the next Freddie Mercury level singer, so I went back to college and played part time while I got a degree in computer science. I had all my core classes from the music degree, so I really didn't need to take English again. So in a year I had a BA in Computer Science and I headed off into a career in IT. At that point, 1996, I stopped playing completely. I worked in IT until 2013, when I was able to retire at 62. In 2009 I had set the studio backup and started writing again, fueled largely by having returned to playing in 2005 when I did my old band's annual reunion show. That turned into a 2 show weekend, and there were compatibility issues with some of the players and I really didn't like most of the material, so I stopped doing those about 4 years ago. So while I had dreams, I fell short of all of them. Baseball, nope! Rock star, nope. Husband (3 times), father (2 times), nope. I was awful at those things too. I finally gave in to myself and spent some time with a psychiatrist and we came to some conclusions, the main one being that I struggle with PTSD in that I don't trust and I don't allow people to get close to me. (That will probably not come as a shock to anybody here who has seen my moodiness on display.) So I now live alone with my dog, have no interest in women at all because I know how that is going to end up 4-6 months down the road when I get bored with them, and pretty much don't leave my house because I am so uneasy in crowds and around strangers. I am an introvert to the highest degree.

Somewhere back in the songwriter forum, WAY back, I posted a song called "I Hope Somebody Cries". It really opened a window into what is going on in my head, and I got a lot of "Wow. You laid it all out there." type replies. That song was easy to write, because it's just a story of the loose wires in my head. It was hard to SING though because it's a story of the loose wires in my head. It was a baring of the soul moment and it was hard to sing.

So item by item, I have failed at every dream I ever had. In life though, I'm a survivor and I'll always land on my feet somehow. At 69 years of age, I am in a safer financial place than I have ever been, which lends itself to a sense of security, life is finally good and I am at a higher level of inner piece than I have ever been. Once I realized that MOST people who have dreams of being a rock star or an athlete do not achieve them, I was fine.

EDIT to add:

My father died in 1991, 5 months shy of his 74th birthday. I was 5 months shy of 40. He never understood the "soul of an artist" concept and in his depression era mind he didn't consider what I did to be work because it didn't involve a lunchbox and a timecard. His concept of musicians was the people saw playing as a hobby in the bands he saw when he went to weddings. He never once came to see me play. (My mother came out exactly twice.) He died disappointed in me, not only because I didn't have a "job", but that I was twice divorced (thrice now!) and in his frame of reference I was expected to stay married to a horrible, lazy, stupid woman JUST because there were kids involved. I asked him once "What is you think would be the benefits of those kids growing up in a house full of anger and hatred? It is BETTER for them that I am not there." And again, depression era mindset, where divorce was a dirty word, my life was totally unacceptable to him. I have been carrying that around for almost 30 years now, and it eats at me.

Every. Single. Day.

Wow - that was certainly an interesting biography Eddie - my instincts told me you had a big ego and that you were a VERY good musician, but I definitely wouldn't have guessed a 160 IQ (no offense) - that's very impressive. And judging by other musicians' reactions to you, you are a gifted natural, as well as studied. What type of IT work did you do ? It's a little ironic that you didn't more quickly become a Band-in-a-box technical geek...but I could see how the sound of computer generated music - no matter how good, would be a step back next to a live band and a person with the natural gift of music. Don't get me wrong - BB live tracks are quite amazing - but nothing beats the energy and improvisation of a live performance.

Thank you for your service, and I'm sorry about your troubles from the army experience. Though I am very anti-war and absolutely hate the people that send many Americans for needless wars to protect oil fields, I do realize that some wars are necessary and unavoidable. And regardless of how I feel about particular wars or wars in general, I respect every single American that serves in the military and have extreme gratitude toward them. I only wish the government that sent them there would address the injuries they inflicted on them - hence the hatred for the men that send them, then forget them.

I’ve done a few things but through it all runs music, which I’ve played professionally since 1963. Nothing better!

You guys are killin me here. I wish I could reach out and give you all a big hug. Life is hard. We all struggle with it at times. I am at bit of a crossroads. Not ready to share at this time, but if this thread is still going, someday maybe.

In the mean time my prayers to you all to find peace.

Dan

At the time, it was a kid doing his civic duty, as well as a kid who had very few options. The politics of it never occurred to me. I actually took a 3rd year to specify Germany so I didn't have to go to Vietnam. Then my entire battalion was sent over. However, that time I spent over there was key to my moving from boy to man, so while it sucked then, it mattered later in life. One of the lines in that song is "They sent me off to Vietnam to fight the Asian war, but never really did explain what I was fighting for." While there I went from E-3 (PFC) through E-4 and reached E-5 (sergeant). Between E-5 pay, hazardous duty pay and jump pay (I was airborne, jumping only the minimum amount I had to to stay eligible) I made a lot of money over there. I also used to lend money to the druggies. The standard thing was I would lend them 20 and they paid me back 30. I stood at the end of the pay line and collected as they left. Everybody knew, and nobody cared. I made as much as $200 a month doing that. Kept my cash in the company safe, and when I got paid back I bought a money order and sent it home. So while I didn't like the potential that any given day could be the end of the ride, I enjoyed the freedom from a lot of rules (Shave, don't shave, whatever. No need to shine boots. No saluting...) so I stayed over there an extra 6 months. Unlike Larry I was not out where the shooting was. I was in the motor pool on a base camp. By the end of my time I actually ran it. When I got back I went to Lawton Oklahoma, Ft Sill, and for the next however long I was there I hated every moment of my life. Back to haircuts, shaving, shined shoes, yes sir nonsense.... I have to call some punk who made lieutenant by going to West Point "sir"?? He should be calling ME sir! So I was a bit of a loose cannon and discipline problem. Some 2nd lieutenant came into my motor pool, which was clearly empty, and banged his fist on my desk DEMANDING "You find me something to ride NOW!!!" I stood up, threw a broom in his face and side "Ride this MF!" He came around the desk and I decked him with a right cross. I had 2 of my guys drag him out of my office (he was blocking to doorway and the AC was on) and when he came to he came in threatening me. I just smiled and said "I have another hand here for you." So I got a 3 step reduction in grade to E-3 and a 50 dollar fine. When the hearing was over the Major asked me "Off the record would you do it again?" I said "For just 50 bucks, yep!" and he said "I don't blame you." 10 weeks later I had a promotion hearing back to E-4, and they made me acting Sgt so I still ran the motor pool. The next time that guy came in he apologized and offered to pay me back the 50 bucks. LOL!!

But seriously, I have been to the Vietnam Memorial wall in DC and paid my respects to the guys who were truly the heroes of that whole mess. It was difficult when I found the names of people I knew, but I had to do it. I also went back to Ft Sill about 6 years ago and that was really closure for me.

As to IQ and such, I never regarded that as meaning who is smart and who isn't. It is just your "quotient", your ability to learn. It's what you do with that ability that matters. This generation is generally stupid because they waste brain cells playing video games instead of reading books. When "content creator" is considered a job....

For as long as I remember, I wanted to play music. My favorite toys were ones that made music, and I would pick out tunes by ear.

We couldn't afford lessons or an instrument.

In the sixth grade we moved to Florida, too late to get in the band, so I joined the Tonette (plastic recorder) band. The 6th grade folks went on to the 7th with the same rented instruments so my only option was drums. I really wanted to play Baritone horn (Euphonium) because I loved the voice.

I was good at the drums, learned my rudiments quickly and then the tenor sax player's family moved away. The band director asked "Who wants to play the sax." I guess I was more enthusiastic than the others and for $10/month which my parent's really couldn't afford I played the sax.

I was in beginning band for a while, learned quickly, skipped intermediate band and went straight to advanced. By the time I got to high school, I sat first chair in the all-state band every year, and was awarded section leader, something that goes to the first alto by default.

In high school I made a bit of money playing in a rock band. We were terrible, but everybody was.

I tried to join the Air Force but flunked the physical and was rated 4F due to chronic lung issues (the sax eventually cured me of that). So instead I joined a band, and went on the road playing college towns in just about every state east of the Rocky Mountains.

Eventually we became the opening act for big stars of the day in concert, The Four Seasons, The Association, The Kingsmen, and so on. After that we got absorbed into Motown and opened up for most of the great Motown acts, Marvin Gaye, Miracles, Supremes, Temptations, and so on.

We were supposed to be the first all white band to be on the Motown family of labels. Talks broke down over money. Motown wanted to pay us 2 cents per record, and out of that take inflated recording costs, inflated distribution costs and inflated promotion costs. In addition they wanted full publishing rights and a ghost writer who didn't contribute to the song writing at all would get his name as a writer and get half the songwriting royalties. Our manager figured we would have to sell a million copies of our first single and LP to break even and not owe Motown any money. We held out for 2.5 cents a record, and they dropped us.

They hired their second choice, The Sunliners (also a very good band). But Motown wants to own the name so they could hire and fire plus run a few ghost bands out on tour at the same time, so the Sunliners changed it to Rare Earth.

I went from opening in concert twice a week back to playing 6 nights in a bar from 9 to 2 for about 1/4 the money. The band broke up.

I went home and joined the phone company, while still playing the weekends. I thought normal would be OK but for me normal was sooooo overrated so I went back to playing music full time.

I took electronics as well as music in college so phone came easily. I also tried a few years as a Cable TV Field Engineer but that wasn't satisfying either.

I realized for me it's more about enjoying life than the money. I've never gotten rich, but I've never been poor either.

I was in quite a few bands, married and divorced (it's tough being married to a musician) and one day I spotted the most beautiful smile in the world in the audience.

I got to know her, she was in another band, and we became each others' fans.

Our bands both broke up about the same time so we got into a 4 piece together, followed by a 5, then a trio with a great pianist and then another 5.

Personnel problems plagued us with people quitting, being out of work to break in new players and in 1985 I bought a sequencer and that gal with the great smile and I started duo with my backing tracks.

All my years on the road taught me guitar, bass (I even played bass for Freddy Boom Boom Cannon), keyboards and I doubled on all these. I had a good knowledge in music theory and arranging from school, so it was pretty easy to make backing tracks for myself.

We targeted the 55 year old + audience in Flrida, a huge, reliable market (until COVID) and never looked back.

BTW, I eventually married that gal and we are both extremely happy.

We had a magazine article about us here:
http://www.nortonmusic.com/pix/IndianRiverMag.pdf

When Band-in-a-Box came out, I used my arranging and multi-instrumental skills to write styles for BiaB. I gave them to my friends, and they told me they liked them better than the PG Music styles (aren't friends great) and I took out a classified ad in Electronic Musician and started selling them on the Atari format.

One day Peter Gannon called and offered to turn them into IBM format (DOS and now Windows) so I could sell to his bigger market. I thank Mr. Gannon to this day for his continuing kindness and support.

I bought a DOS5 PC, and a Mac Classic (OS6) and it's been my sideline business every since.

So far the majority of my life has been spent making a living doing music and nothing but music, interrupted by 2 'day jobs' for a few years each while playing on the weekends.

I have no intention of retiring even though I'm of retirement age. I love what I do, I've learned to sing, Leilani my wife is a great singer, and we both play various instruments on top of the backing tracks I write.

I feel I'm living a charmed life.

I never made 'the big time' but got close enough to tast it.

On the other hand, I get up in the morning, go to bed at night, and in between, do what I want to do. That's success.

I work for myself with my wife who is of like mind, a great musician, and my best friend. We don't answer to anyone but our audience (and they are easy) and are not wage slaves to some faceless corporation. That's freedom

When COVID is over, we'll be gigging again.

Insights and incites by Notes

Thanks for sharing Notes...it sure does sound like you're living a wonderful and interesting life with the opportunity to do exactly what you love.

I wonder how many professional musicians (let's say - they've earned at least half of all the money they ever made playing music - or close to it) we have in the group.

Also - it's very impressive that you got to open for all those big name bands. I'd love to know if you got the chance to meet any of the big names, or band members for the big names. So close to a Motown signing, yet so far - it sounded like things really took a step back after missing out on that contract. In hindsight - are you sorry you guys didn't accept it ?

Not only met them, but jammed with them and was treated as a peer.

In the music biz, when you get to the upper levels, for most of us, there is no caste system. All that matters is that you can play and how you play.

Backstage it's trading road stories, joking around, and if there is competition, it's mostly teasing type.

In the Motown studios we recorded some backing tracks, and never knew what happened to them. Motown would record tracks and they see who could sing them. They may have gone nowhere, or buried on an album by somebody else. We got union scale for our work in the studio. We also got to jam with some of the other house musicians and the road musicians who came and went.

I've made almost all my money in my life doing music. My house is paid for, as are my cars, and I have no debt. I live below my means, modestly.

I enjoy my life, and I got lucky with my wife as well.

If I had to do it over again, I'd do it the same way, except I wouldn't have taken the interruptions of those two day jobs. On the other hand, if I didn't try out what it was to lead a normal life, I wouldn't know how lucky I really am.

Notes