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Hello all. It's been a while since I posted an original song. Well here's my latest. Going through a marriage seperation (not divorce) for the past 7 months. It's been a tough journey trying to understand her feelings with my logical brain! This song captures where I'm at now trying to understand her. What I don't like so much is the chorus. Sounds a bit screechy but it was written and recorded within 48 hours. I would appreciate critical feedback for improvements. Thanks Soundcloud - Back To MeVerse 1: Since you walked out of that door I've been broken and all alone My heart's been crying out your name Patiently waiting, you'll feel the same Verse 2: I'm understanding more each day Why you left, so full of pain I broke your spirit, I broke your soul You felt unloved, you had to go CHORUS But you are beautiful to me You light up my life with joy and peace I cherish your love and company Wo oh o my darling come home, back to me. Verse 3: We fought for years, I'm to blame I did not love well, all the same I criticized you and pulled you down Instead of dealing with my pain Verse 4: But I will fight for you my love Whatever it takes, I'll rise above At our wedding, I said I do And by His grace I'll see it through CHORUS You are beautiful to me You light up my life with joy and peace I cherish your love and company Wo oh o my darling come home, back to me. CHORUS 2 Your soul is beautiful to me It lights up my life with grace and peace I cherish your love and company Wo oh o my darling come home, back to me.
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 03/11/24 10:10 AM.
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Hey Paul,
This is really nice, it has kind of a Bruce Springsteen feel to it.
Man, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that, that can be a really rough time.
Well, I'll keep both of you in my prayers and hope everything works out, and you two can straighten out whatever went wrong.
The Bible clearly states that God hates divorce and I believe that to be true. Hang in there and do whatever you need to do to make it right.
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Paul, lovely song, tenderly sung. So sorry for your troubles, know they can be soul crushing. Exploring your feelings through music can have a restorative effect. All the best, Ron
DC Ron
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Sadness laced with hope. A difficult theme, but you brought it all out so well in this one, Paul. I wish you both well, and a speedy reunion. This song is about the transition --the hardest part. And I look forward to your next one that will be all about how much better it has become. Such a good write, so well sung, and I hear nothing wrong with the mix. I'd probably put the drums a bit further back --they seem too happy. hehe
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Hey Paul,
This is really nice, it has kind of a Bruce Springsteen feel to it.
Man, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through that, that can be a really rough time.
Well, I'll keep both of you in my prayers and hope everything works out, and you two can straighten out whatever went wrong.
The Bible clearly states that God hates divorce and I believe that to be true. Hang in there and do whatever you need to do to make it right. Thank you David, I agree 100% about marriage from scripture. I've not listened to Bruce Springsteen exclusively but probably heard something of his in the past? The wife likes this song!
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 03/13/24 07:38 AM.
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Paul, lovely song, tenderly sung. So sorry for your troubles, know they can be soul crushing. Exploring your feelings through music can have a restorative effect. All the best, Ron Thank you Ron, yes I have found most of my songs, whilst not popular, have always ministered to me and brought great joy. There is healing in this process of creativity for sure.
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Sadness laced with hope. A difficult theme, but you brought it all out so well in this one, Paul. I wish you both well, and a speedy reunion. This song is about the transition --the hardest part. And I look forward to your next one that will be all about how much better it has become. Such a good write, so well sung, and I hear nothing wrong with the mix. I'd probably put the drums a bit further back --they seem too happy. hehe Thanks Marty. I take ages to write songs I'm happy with and don't write often. Last one was in 2022. This song came to me within a couple of hours of writing. It was helped by finding the BIAB realtrack which set the mood and direction. I've since "polished" the song since posting it here and uploaded the latest mix, subtle changes really that I notice. The drums was deliberate. They have no added filtering, just raw from BIAB without any effects. There's no bass in this realtracks "_Freely". Thanks for your feedback.
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Paul, I'm sorry to hear you are having those problems.
Hopefully all will end well.
You did an outstanding job putting your pain and hope into this song.
I can feel your pain and your hope and that is hard to do in not only different songs but in the same song.
Great mix
Great vocal.
I want my last spoken words to be "I hid a million dollars under the........................"
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Paul, I'm sorry to hear you are having those problems.
Hopefully all will end well.
You did an outstanding job putting your pain and hope into this song.
I can feel your pain and your hope and that is hard to do in not only different songs but in the same song.
Great mix
Great vocal. Thank you Mario, I appreciate your encouragement and feedback.
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Writing songs is great therapy, I hope it helps you (both). It's a beautiful, soulful song and I really like your voice. Good work ![[Linked Image - Only viewable when logged in]](https://www.pgmusic.com/forums/images/icons/default/thumbs_up.gif)
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Paul, I don't think the chorus sounds screechy at all. Your vocal is clear and heartfelt and sounds great. Instrumentation is a beautiful fit for your melody. My only critique is that the drums don't fit the loveliness of the song.
I hope you will be able to get things on the mend.
Last edited by Ezekiel's Storm; 03/16/24 04:03 PM.
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Hi Paul,,
Wishing you the best resolution possible for your current challenges.
Loved the song! Nothing screechy at all in the Chorus - it sounds fine. Love the backing tracks - particularly the percussion.
Good to hear another one from you. wishing both of you the very best.
Alan
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Wow, that's a truly beautiful authentic song! The chorus is excellent, not just fine, but it would have more drive with backing vocals and/or double-tracking. If I'd written that I'd be extremely proud of it. Truly beautiful. I pray you can win the Great Lady back.
Some favourite Waoist Adages:
#1: Play on the Way.
#17: Ask not for whom the flower blooms, it blooms for you.
#69: Bring consciousness to it.
#74: On the road to effortlessness, effort must be made.
#105: Be Love Now, the rest will come on its own.
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Writing songs is great therapy, I hope it helps you (both). It's a beautiful, soulful song and I really like your voice. Good work Thank you! I appreciate your feedback.
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Paul, I don't think the chorus sounds screechy at all. Your vocal is clear and heartfelt and sounds great. Instrumentation is a beautiful fit for your melody. My only critique is that the drums don't fit the loveliness of the song.
I hope you will be able to get things on the mend. Thank you, I have reuploaded about 11x since posting. Each time polishing. What I have now I'm much happier with. I've also added a tiny amount of reverb to the drums which has softened them a little. Before they were just dry from BIAB. I just need to learn how to edit the echo so its not heard on every line.
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Hi Paul,,
Wishing you the best resolution possible for your current challenges.
Loved the song! Nothing screechy at all in the Chorus - it sounds fine. Love the backing tracks - particularly the percussion.
Good to hear another one from you. wishing both of you the very best.
Alan Thanks Alan. There's no percussion in this one? Just drums. Maybe its the brushes you are hearing?
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Wow, that's a truly beautiful authentic song! The chorus is excellent, not just fine, but it would have more drive with backing vocals and/or double-tracking. If I'd written that I'd be extremely proud of it. Truly beautiful. I pray you can win the Great Lady back. Thank you. Yes I'm very proud of this song. For the past 7 months I wanted to write a song about my journey but just had no creativity flowing for anything. It's been a long isolating journey so far. I do give God the praise for this song because I know my limitations and I take a very long time to write songs but this was written and recorded within 48 hours! OK I have refined it many times slightly since but the core was done in 48 hours. That's unheard of for me. I've come to the conclusion that only The Lord can save our marriage because I've tried everything. I'm learning to surrender. I have some other song ideas that I need to work on next.
Last edited by Paul Haynes; 03/25/24 03:36 PM.
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