What sort of feedback are you looking for? It's hard to guess how close to the final version you think this demo is. Here's my thoughts - hopefully you'll find some of it constructive. If not, sorry - just ignore it and have a nice day.
I liked the progression on the introduction, but felt the mix and instrumentation was muddy and buried in strings and bass. The fretless bass is nice, but it's a very "wide" sound, and spreads across the spectrum. It's got the feel of one of the "New Age" sorts of styles. Perhaps changing to a simpler electric bass or EQing it a bit would help. The strings definitely need to be reined in a bit - perhaps you could build them through the introduction, and then bring them down at the beginning of the verse.
I think you could trim the introduction to 0:12 without much damage. 24 seconds is a bit long for the introduction to a tune.
The lead instrument is pleasant and appealing, and the melody is attractive, with a very Roger Whittaker sound. The guitar is obviously MIDI, and doesn't initially sound bad, but after a number of repeats the mechanical quality of the playing becomes obvious. If you could get a real guitar in there, it would help a lot.
By the second verse, I was hoping for a change in instruments - perhaps the addition of a snare, and moving the strings to a higher register.
At 1:09, I think a change in instrumental texture is
definitely called for - the melody's taken on a change, and the instruments should too. I like the hold that you've got at 1:17, but I think it would be more dramatic without the strings.
With the repeat of the tune at 1:30, I'm definitely wanting to hear something new in the drums. You're revisiting the same melody that's already been played twice with the same musical arrangement. It needs some variety to make it fresh this time around.
At 2:00, the embellishment with the triplets make for a nice addition to the melody. By this point, I'm thinking that the tune should be wrapping up. With the repeat at 2:34, you've got me expecting the tune to be ending. There's a nice little extension at 2:38, and I'm expecting the cadence at 2:47 to be the end.
But... the song continues. I'm an impatient listener (probably not your target demographic), so at this point, I figure that it better be
really good to warrant another go round. Now, if you've got lyrics to add to the song, that gives it a whole new perspective. But without those, I can only judge what you've posted.
The tune comes back with the same melody, but this time, there's a kick drum that's prominent in the mix. My ears are
not liking the high-end smack of the kick drum, and by 2:45 it's starting to hurt my ears. It's too loud, and too present.
The song's basically a recap of what's gone before, but with more percussion. I like the added crash cymbals at 3:37, but the constant smacking of the kick drum is wearying. And since it's pretty much an exact repeat musically of what's gone before, it's hard to hold my attention.
Summary: Pleasant tune, but as an instrumental I think it needs more change instrumentally, and should end at 2:47. Of course, adding lyrics makes it a whole new ballgame - a compelling lyric changes everything.
Edit: Changed
"reigned in" to
"reined in".