Hi Steve. This is a good song. The ideas and the structure are there, no doubt. I would only suggest this- remove any compression and/or limiting you may have applied in an attempt to master this track. It's too squashed for the sake of loudness. I'm not sure if there is compression on the vocal because there is so much on the stereo mix, but it sounds like it and it too may be too much. Remove it at least from the stereo mix and the track should clean right up. Then if you really need to, carefully reapply maybe just a brickwall limiter to increase volume but keep it as transparent as possible. If you also have a multiband compressor on there, see if you can take it out. It could be the culprit for the over-squash at the moment.

The song though- very good!

Dan