John,
upon reading your cry for help the scripture that came to mind was Phillipians 4:6&7

Quote:


6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.




I can only imagine your pain, but this I know - it will pass. This is the worst time, when it is still so fresh and intense. The grieving process will do its thing, but you need to "be strong and of a good courage" during that time. You said you were alone. I understand you were referring to not having your lovely lady with you but I hope it is not literally true because right now you need support from family and friends - ones who will understand your need for comfort by simply being in their midst.

Strangely enough, if you have family or friends with young children, they will help the most. Children are an affirmation of life and hope for the future that can, if you allow it, help restore you. Children have no concept of death, only of the "now" and they live in it. Watch them play. Let their joy and happiness infect you. Let them see you cry, perhaps they will sit with you and even cry with you when you do. Let them.

You are loved.

--=-- My credo: If it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing - just ask my missus, she'll tell ya laugh --=--
You're only paranoid if you're wrong!