You've done a great job with this. Handling the back and forth of the conversation is a bit tricky, but I can't think of better way to do it.

The only thing I'll suggest is that the chorus should be sung all the way through. The chorus is sung until you get to the lyric "But two hearts in love/can stop the hands of time", where you drop back to speaking, and then sing the rest of the chorus.

Really excellent work on the lyrics.


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?