This is very impressive all around. The singing is top notch, and sells the song.

Did I mention I think you're one of most talented singers on the forum?

But this song frustrates me, because it seems like it's a mash-up of some really great ideas that could have emotional depth, but aren't really explored.

I apologize if my comment seems harsh. What you've done is really good... But it's dressed up a lyric that (to me) seems to miss the mark.

The opening lyric hooked me right in:

well the love train surely did this town
and the white dove really took its home
and as the years went by nothing much went down

This is an excellent bit of writing. It uses cliches cleverly, setting the scene of someone who's been through changes of the 70s without having arrived where they expected - very much in the way The Pretender (by Jackson Browne) starts the second verse. And then...

so come along with me let's make love roam

This line sinks the ship. It undercuts any idea that the song might be serious by immediately jumping to (what seems to me) the most cliched sentiment possible, with a rhyme that doesn't really make any sense.

Here's another line from the song:

did those 'free love' times really get you down?
with your baby safe in someone else's arms

Great writing. It's as if the song gets its second wind, and takes another swing....

you come with me together we'll paint this town

And misses with a sentiment that feels (to me) trite and shallow as what the prior line was railing against. It's as if the song starts down an emotional path, and then has a case of amnesia and returns to a happy happy chorus.

Don't get me wrong - this song is really well done.

What's frustrating (to me) about this song is the road not taken.

I know it's not fair to expect someone's song to be something other than what it is. It just seems like this song - which is really good - could be really, really good. laugh


-- David Cuny
My virtual singer development blog

Vocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?