IMHO, it depends on your intended context.
If I suspect the mix may be played in with other 'commercial songs' I'll try to match it to such.
If it is meant to be part of a given performance I'll work within those parameters.

There are tools available to measure relative loudness. Use them when you want to or need to. Just know you can measure it.

/The root cause for the loudness wars in the beginning (again IMHO) was to make a given song 'stand out' from the others .. if you are trying to make it 'fit in' that's a whole different goal.

'Fit in with what' is the real question.

Make your sound your own!
.. I do not work here, but the benefits are still awesome