Excellent work...completely enjoyed it.
Love the song idea and the lyric 'hook'.
Agree with you on BIAB cymbal 'hits'...I usually have to look elsewhere for the ones I like.
I also agree with David that the song, on its own, is strong and probably doesn't need some of the accoutrements you've added--to an 'outsider's' ear, I think you could simplify the arrangement a bit.