Hi Robert. There's nothing wrong with those lines. Sure, they are a bit shorter, but evocative. I'd never suggest someone to re-write. I just think you can find a more rhythmically natural way to sing them. That may take a small re-write, but I don't think it would.


BIAB 2021 Audiophile. Windows 10 64bit. Songwriter, lyricist, composer(?) loving all styles. Some pre-BIAB music from Farfetched Tangmo Band's first CD. https://alonetone.com/tangmo/playlists/close-to-the-ground