Hi all and thank you for taking the time to listen and for all the great feedback, apologies for the late response!

I did take on board all the advice regards the vocal, but I always knew my voice wasn't what I wanted.

Fortunately I have found a fantastic singer and I think he's done a wonderful job. He has such emotion in his voice, it has that worn, torn at the edges quality - which I love.

It made my wife cry which my vocal didn't do so I don't think you can ask for better than that :-)

Also I did decide to call it "A Permanent Reaction (To A Temporary Phase)". The final lyric video is here:

https://www.djhsongs.co.uk/osl-apermanentreaction

Thanks again for listening and hope you like it.

I've replied to the comments below,

Cheers,
David

Originally Posted By: EdZ314
David, that's a pretty nice song. I especially like the near-middle part at around 1:35 where it goes into the refrain "For all of your pain.." The cellos blend well and the vocal sits nicely in the middle, with a nice mellow delivery. The string solos also add a nice touch.


Thanks Ed, it's a bit of a clumsy line but I think the meaning comes through.

Originally Posted By: Al-David
Hello David ...

i really like this. it's very pretty and has a nice build in the lyric and music. Love the cellos! That was a real sweet listen. perhaps, bring the voice just a wee bit more forward in the mix ... not much, just a small amount. I liked the final verse where your vocal really stands out.

Very nice, indeed. best to you. be safe ...

Alan

PS: I think the title you have used for this post is a good fit for the song.


Thanks Alan, I do tend to keep my vocal down in the mix as it's just a guide, but the new one is about the right level - I hope!

Originally Posted By: rayc
David, an intimate, gentles, contemplative song but it's frequently interrupted by aggressive sibilant sounds.
To retain the intimacy you'll need to address the essing at least. It can be minimized during tracking and there're a few ways to address it in the box.
It'd be well worth investing the time.


Thanks Ray, I find it quite difficult to get a good vocal sound, I did spend some time trying to de-ess the vocal as suggested but I did admit defeat in the end! I might have to look at a new mic.

Originally Posted By: Ghostgum
Gently flowing, easy on the ear. I enjoyed my listen.


Thanks Ghostgum

Originally Posted By: Gary Weder
I would like to hear you do this song again transposed 4 semi-tones higher.


Hi Gary, I did try 4 up, just on guitar, but it was a bit too high, though 2 up was a reasonable compromise and if I were to play and sing it live I would stick with 2 up. With writing it acapella and quietly I was in my lower voice.

Originally Posted By: Tano Music
I liked it all the way through. And I like your title.

I do have one suggestion for improvement: You've chose some really interesting words in the Chorus: 'permanent" and "temporary". They are 3- and 4-syllable words among mostly 1- and 2-syllable words in the song, so they give a real nice little pickup. But, in your mix, I couldn't clearly hear these words completely--the end of "permanent" and those last two syllables of "temporary" got a bit muddled--and they are too nice not to gently punch out. You may not notice it because you're probably real familiar with the lyric and you know what's coming on that line, but for a first-time listener (especially if they don't have the lyric in front of them), they might miss your really excellent choice of words!!


It's a bit embarrassing but when I wrote it I actually wrote "tempory", and as I'd used my handwritten lyric when I did the vocal, it wasn't until I typed it up for the lyric video that I realised it was wrong. The new vocal has all the syllables :-)

Originally Posted By: Greg Johnson
Very pretty song!! Wonderfully emotional!! Beautiful use of the strings and very strong vocal! Well done in every way!! Take care. Greg


Thanks Greg, "Wonderfully emotional" is fantastic, thank you, hope you like the new vocal which I think gives it even more emotion!

Originally Posted By: Birchwood
Hi David,

You have made great progress with your 4th number! A very nice melody and nicely sung.
The instruments, and more the cello, the violin, doing a great job on it. I really liked it.

But I agree with some here about the sibbilance and the 'swallowing' of some words or syllables.
I can understand you had to do this to keep in line with the rhythm of the lyrics and song, but it is not a nice way to sing like that.
And something else you asked about the song title. I think this one gives an association with another type of song like 'the last farewell'. Maybe you can call it 'The last time'? Of course that is up to you, but you asked us...

Keep up the good songs,
Hans


Hi Hans, and thank you for following my BIAB career so far! (I'm not a quick worker but I am working on a couple of new ones - hoping to have my 5th up later this week called "In Time", which won't be a guide vocal so no more sibilance and messy vocals from me.)

I did um and ahh about the title but also thought The Last Time or The Last Goodbye sounds like it could be a relationship song, so in the end decided to go with the 1st line from the chorus.

Originally Posted By: Leon1
Hi David
A tragic subject sensitively handled. Well done.
Regards,
Leon


Thanks Leon, it was a challenging write but I'm very happy with how it came out.

Originally Posted By: Will Josef
Hi David,

It is a nice song!

Thanks for sharing!
Will


Thanks Will, mind you if I didn't share it here, it would only get heard by about 10 people :-)

Cheers!

My BIAB Songs

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