Nicely mixed, performed and sung. The message however, is hard to understand. Even with being clued into what you were thinking and reading the lyrics, it's still too obscure. But take that with a huge grain of salt. There are countless songs, many of them classics that I have no clue what the intended message is about. They are just such great tunes that we learn the lyrics to them and sing them regardless. So, must your message be crystal clear at every moment? I suppose not. But it's a good idea and generally a good exercise to write your lyrics in a way that's clear, concise, remains on point, and gives just enough information to the listener to keep them learning about the overall message without too much information. Always keep in mind that the listener can't read your mind when grasping obscure thoughts. It may make sense to you, but will it to others? It's a good practice for a lyricist to think that way often. What makes this a huge challenge is when we write our songs totally- both lyrics and music. That perfect balance between a fulfilling song musically and lyrically is extremely hard to get right alone, hence why so many classic songs are written by multiple people. I've written a lot of songs but way, way less than a lot I actually feel I've struck that balance perfectly. And it's that imperfection that keeps us reaching for the next perfect one.

You done good John. Really good. Keep on honing your craft. Musically and mixing, your chops are there man. Work on saying what you want to say with less words and information, and you'll strike that perfect balance. And who am I to say? Nobody, really. It's just my opinions and thoughts. Take 'em or leave 'em.

Great job!

Dan

My YT Channel- http://www.youtube.com/user/dfizzbom