On the subject of help files:

A guy piloting a helicopter is lost in the fog. He inches forward until he sees an office building appear with a fellow standing near an open window. From the helicopter the pilot yells "WHERE AM I?" to which the office fellow answers "YOU'RE IN A HELICOPTER". With that the pilot turned right, flew 3.2 miles, and landed without incident on the tarmac of the airport. He went into the pilot's lounge and proceeded to tell his story to his cronies. They, of course, wanted to know why he all of a sudden knew where to go....to which he said "because the office guy's answer 100% accurate and totally useless I knew I was at Microsoft, and I know where the airport is from there".

:-/