Hi David.

Originally Posted By: dcuny
There are a lot of great things in the song, but as Dan noted, the chorus is particularly nice. The build into the final chorus is also quite good.

I like way you structured the song, setting up the story, and then bringing in the listener to the story to "be a bridge."

Good stuff.


Thanks. I appreciate the positive thoughts.

Originally Posted By: dcuny

Such a fearsome beast with those horns at the end of his nose

didn't work for me, perhaps because because any lyric ending with at the end of his nose is problematic.


Interesting. I wonder, would you hear "knows" as problematic? The reason I ask is because I'm curious if it's the sound of the word or the image the word creates that causes the issue.

There are many words that end in an -ose sound that are very useful in lyrics: e.g. suppose, blows, grows, rose, foes, close, etc.

Robert Frost even wrote a short poem based on the -ose sound called The Rose Family.

  • Quote:

    The rose is a rose,
    And was always a rose.
    But now the theory goes
    That the apple's a rose,
    And the pear is, and so's
    The plum, I suppose.
    The dear only knows
    What will next prove a rose.
    You, of course, are a rose--
    But were always a rose.


When you say...

Originally Posted By: dcuny
The transition at 1:00 felt a bit forced.


...I'm not quite sure what you mean by 'forced'. I've listened to this 2-bar transition between the end of the first chorus and the beginning of the second verse a number of times with your comment in mind. The chord progression is sound (I vi ii V) and the music seems to flow well enough. If you have time to shed a little more light on what you mean by this comment, it will help me understand.


As I've said before, your perspective always give me 'food for thought' that makes me see my song a little differently. I find that valuable.

Thank you for again sharing your views.

All the best,
Noel



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