Dan, I have listened to this tune more than half a dozen times. It is everything that everyone who has commented before me has said it is. A great production, performance, good lyrics but for some reason for me it didn't "lift off". It felt that something was missing and I couldn't say what.

And 'what" finally dawned on me. I spent verse 1 and 2 with a sense that something was going to happen to this fellow in the song, and musically where I expected that something to happen - it didn't - at all. It's tough to say, but I think that the chorus and the bridge are too much the same melodically and musically as the verses, with the exception of minor production variations in the backing tracks. Nothing says there has to be a changeup or whatever but I think it keeps the interest higher.

As I see it, your two verses were so good building tension and interest, that I feel kinda disappointed that nothing different happened in the chorus or the bridge musically. I don't like criticizing someone else's work because songwriters invest a lot of time and heart in their works. Everyone who writes and comments on this Forum knows that. But I honestly believe that in this case it is the difference between an album cut and a single. Yeh, I know, who am I - exactly. Must be old age . . .I'm asking myself the same question.

And I'm as vulnerable to all of the pitfalls as the next writer, and that's why I post here, to see what I might be missing - that's the challenge for me - trying to keep the listener engaged and interested.

Hope this is helpful - I'm sure it will generate some comments from the others here.
Good work - Ian

Ian
My "Original Tunes" Site
My gene pool needs more chlorine.