Eddie, PTSD has subtypes I and II. Type I stems from a singular major traumatic event such as war, natural disaster, or other catastrophe. Type II stems from ongoing repetitive trauma such as various types of abuse, bullying, harassment, etc. It can, of course, include physical trauma and repeated exposure to those things which can cause Type I. Some people have a higher threshold.

Like you, I checked out a book on PTSD out of curiosity. Shortly thereafter I was saying, "Hey, they're describing me." It explained a great deal in my past and present. I have been in counseling for over 40 years dealing with the aftermath. (Interestingly, in one counseling session we identified the exact moment when my major clinical depression started. It was an event in the fifth grade which precipitated much later emotional abuse connected with school.)

Yet another counselor spoke to me of "illuminating the interior landscape." The phrase itself was helpful in grasping what we are doing in recovery. Just being able to put a name to the condition is a start. Now the real work begins, at least if you choose to confront it--which I recommend.

Therapy is good, but for PTSD there are groups, usually free or for a nominal charge. The best groups are moderated by a professional caregiver, but the point is that every participant has, like you, been there. No theory here. You will get solid practical support from others who know exactly what you have gone and are going through.

Know that depression can still be a component which should be addressed on its own. It's the same principle as treating pain for a physical injury. Healing is faster and more complete without it. You don't even have to see a shrink for it any more. Regular MDs can diagnose and prescribe for depression these days. Again, take one of the online inventories and see if it fits, then take appropriate action.

If you would like to continue this discussion outside of the public forum, feel free to contact me at sonic hyphen sorcerer at hotmail dot com. (Typed so as to confound those pesky bots.)

Richard

"My primary musical instrument is the personal computer."