Thanks for all the comments!
Some of my own criticism...this was a "good idea" but, after 'several decades' of it rolling around in my mind, I could never really button it up; the result is the best I want for this right now, but it's really flawed...too long, too repetitive, the lyric is not consistent in thought, etc...all the positive critiques that were given here.

Maybe others have had this kind of thing too...an idea too good not to realize, but not good enough to get really rounded out.

Well, it will stay in my private reserve for now, maybe someday I'll refine it, using you-all's good ideas.

Thanks again.