Charlie,

I did not have the amount of time necessary for an in-depth previously (when you first put this up)... You have already addressed some things in your answers. But I'll reiterate some of those things just to be complete...

And this is with the understanding that you do not really intend to pitch this to today's market - that the intent is to end up with a good listenable song regardless of "marketability"...

The intro is long. Always a bad thing in a pitch session - and I get that that is not the intent - but that goes for any audience. Musicians might like long intro, but the average listener does not.
You have a nice spot at about :13 that would make a good start. When the steel starts...

For this type song, I would start with a finger pick guitar - bring the strum in later...in the 2nd verse - with the fp still going..

You have already noted the drums. They should definitely be a stick until the chorus. I would actually leave them out until the second verse. would also leave the steel off until then. Use for the intro, drop it in the first verse, bring it back in the 2nd..

You drop the steel when you hit the chorus, so you need something to replace it. An arp electric - or maybe the dreamy - it fits in a lot of places. An alternative would be a subtle rhythm piano...

Your fiddle lead is nice but needs to come up just a little.

You have the steel in the final chorus. It might be nice to pair that with a piano at that point (instead of the arp in the first chorus)...

Overall, I think you've done a good job on this. I do think it needs to "build" some as it goes to keep your listeners interested.

floyd

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