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Hello All, I look forward to meeting you. This is my first completed BB composition, a simple song, only 2 minutes. I would so appreciate any feedback. I'm not a musician - I've learned just a bit on piano - but I knew enough to enter chords, tempo, and so on. Everything but the vocals was generated by Band in a Box. I used a "Pop Ballad" style, but with a few patch changes here and there. "Camille is Eighteen"https://soundcloud.com/dina-lydia/camille-is-eighteen when a girl turns eighteen we deem her a woman, so it seems like the time to write a song, here I go her name is Camille I’ll start there, I suppose blooming something like a peony something like a rose...nice but when I think of her don’t ask me why I see lemon yellow jelly beans endless blue sky and it almost makes me cry Camille! young and free if only I could borrow her aura, like springtime rising bright as tomorrow I don’t know her well but I know enough to tell her that she she is what many girls wish they could be wish they could be I look over my shoulder as one so much older Camille’s not there she’s far ahead of me I see this grown girl I see this golden girl holding in her hands her own destiny O blue sky, spring green lemon yellow jelly bean Camille is eighteen
Last edited by Dina; 01/11/16 02:51 PM.
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Hi Dina and welcome to the forum.
Unfortunately, the link to your song doesn't seem to be working.
Is it possible that you have the song listed as private, not public?
Looking forward to listening to it.
Cheers, ROG.
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Got it!
This is a good first post, particularly as it's your first BiaB track.
The song has a nice relaxed feel to it, with interesting lyrics and you sing it well.
Looking forward to seeing what you do as you become better acquainted with the program.
Once again, welcome to the forum.
ROG.
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Hi Dina,
welcome to the forum.
Nice first post.
Enjoyed it.
Guenter
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but when I think of her
don’t ask me why
I see lemon yellow jelly beans
endless blue sky
and it almost makes me cry
There is a natural poetic quality to that!! I'm guessing you're a relative beginner to songwriting Dina, but you have a creative sense. There is some nice stuff here. I feel like the first verse could be eliminated or replaced. Welcome to the forum Dina! Nice first effort!! Take care. Greg
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Hi, Dina.
Welcome to the Showcase! You are off to a good start...
(you might consider editing your first post and replace the link - since it shows a blank page - with the one you posted further down - since it works) When you are logged in, there should be an Edit button on any post that you have written within the last few days...
Your songwriting shows a lot of potential. You have some very cool imagery in your lyric. The ending lines...
"O blue sky, spring green
lemon yellow jelly bean
Camille is eighteen"
...are especially nice the way they pull from what has gone before.
You don't need to be "a musician" to be a good songwriter. BIAB is the only instrument that you need - and you are doing a good job of using it.
(I have written with hit writers who could not play an instrument and could not sing - no kidding - so you are way ahead of them).
fj
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Very enjoyable listen. Excellent vocal and lyric
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Thank you so much, ROG, Boehm, Greg, Floyd and Scott - for your kind welcome, encouragement and suggestions. I am truly touched! And I so value your input!
And yes, I edited the original link, thanks.
I'm going to listen to many of yours the next few days, and maybe I'll learn something!!
Yes, I'm a relative beginner. I've been writing lyrics for several years, and had to force myself to simplify -- my songs were far too wordy at first.
I'm practicing "Keep it Simple" for now until I get more facility with Band in a Box.
But I was thrilled that the software made this real-sounding arrangement for me!
~ Dina
Last edited by Dina; 01/11/16 02:52 PM.
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Dina,
Congratulations on completing your first BB song. Like the others said, you seem to have a natural way with words. You can feel to love in lyrics.
I hope that you find time to write and create more music. BB is a wonderful tool for self expression. The more you write, the better you get as you learn to craft. It can become a treasure that can really change your life.
Welcome to forum. We look forward to hearing more from you soon.
Best Wishes
SpaceDog
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Space Dog, THANK you so much!!
I cherish your kind encouraging words.
I do like to write about things that are a little unexpected. I have a ton of lyrics.
I surely will keep composing with Band in a Box. This has opened up a whole world to me!
~Dina
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Great first post and have fun on the BiaB/songwriting journey... They can take you to many unexpected and exciting places. We enjoyed it! J&B http://www.janiceandbud.com
Our albums and singles are on Spotify, Apple Music, Amazon Music, YouTube Music, Pandora and more. If interested search on Janice Merritt. Thanks! Our Videos
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THANK you, Janice & Bud!
Last edited by Dina; 01/12/16 08:53 AM.
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Hi, Dina, what a sweet tune !
Enjoyed it much !
Cheers
Dani
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Dani,
Thanks very much for the listen!
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