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Re: Seventeen David Snyder #344737 04/13/16 08:41 AM User Showcase
Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 11,811 Florida floyd jane Veteran
floyd jane Veteran Joined: Aug 2012 Posts: 11,811 Florida	David, This is a STRONG write. Your best ever. Lyrically and melodically. Love your vocal on this - so "real". I believed every word. And the piano works perfectly for this. Kudos all around. Now... one thing - and take this with a grain of salt - because this (the song) is all really excellent... I felt a "let-down" from the fact that she is seventeen. It suddenly puts the narrative in a place I was not prepared for it to go - and did not want it to... The rest of the song felt like "she was 24" - which make her "more worldly" - and I wanted her to be that. 17 is a kid. 24 is a woman (though still young). A lot like the "Too Dangerous" woman - I doubt that anyone would assume she was 17... I would have preferred that you repeat "That she wants to be" and tag with "Wants to be". Or something else.. other than Seventeen. Just a (random) thought. This is a super song! floyd 150+ Songs produced using BIAB RealTracks And 50 more... and some more...

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Subject	Posted By	Posted
Seventeen	David Snyder	04/13/16 01:27 PM
Re: Seventeen	Pat Marr	04/13/16 01:48 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/13/16 02:57 PM
Re: Seventeen	Pat Marr	04/13/16 03:51 PM
Re: Seventeen	floyd jane	04/13/16 03:56 PM
Re: Seventeen	Janice & Bud	04/13/16 03:04 PM
Re: Seventeen	boehm	04/13/16 07:48 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:30 PM
Re: Seventeen	floyd jane	04/13/16 03:41 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/13/16 04:23 PM
Re: Seventeen	PeterF	04/14/16 05:48 AM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:32 PM
Re: Seventeen	floyd jane	04/13/16 04:28 PM
Re: Seventeen	Rob4580	04/13/16 04:52 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:30 PM
Re: Seventeen	JoanneCooper	04/14/16 03:02 AM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:31 PM
Re: Seventeen	Trygve Larsen	04/14/16 05:05 AM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:31 PM
Re: Seventeen	rsdean	04/14/16 06:59 AM
Re: Seventeen	dga	04/15/16 02:06 AM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/15/16 10:12 AM
Re: Seventeen	Greg Johnson	04/14/16 05:06 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:29 PM
Re: Seventeen	gruverider	04/14/16 08:08 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/14/16 09:29 PM
Re: Seventeen	Even If	04/14/16 09:41 PM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/15/16 10:11 AM
Re: Seventeen	Charlie Fogle	04/15/16 08:47 AM
Re: Seventeen	David Snyder	04/15/16 10:12 AM

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