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HI, all:

So my New Year’s resolution was to focus on doing some more upbeat, rock type songs . . . my last few solo efforts being a bit more acoustic folk type stuff. Well, like all New Year’s resolutions, it didn’t last long. With guitar in hand looking for something new to play a couple weeks back, I stumbled across John Vaughan’s lyrics to a song he titled “Raging Storm” and the beginning of something soft and slow was born . . . and the final write ended up like this.

I have two specific asks:

1. For now, I’ve changed the title to “Pieces of You,” because I had thought “Raging Storm” set expectations as to the sound of the song far different than what it is. But based on some initial feedback we are leaning towards going back to “Raging Storm”. Would love your collective thoughts on that.

2. I added in the rain sound effect at the start and end of the song. But I’m not sure I like it, so definitely would want thoughts on whether it works. Easy fix to 86 it if not.

Thanks as always for stopping in. Hope this one is worth the listen.

Here’s the song:

Pieces of You [Note: Working Title]

Here are the lyrics:

The years went by
and still we tried
turning over all of the pages . . .
like we could write, something more bright
even though every hope had faded.

A bitter wind blows
across the path we chose;
a weak and wilted rose,
‘neath broken glass and stone,
in the place we lived,
In the bed we slept,
where I sleep alone.

From sweet dreams
to a bed of thorns;
from calm waters
to a raging storm.

Pieces of you . . .
things we used to do . . .
weren’t we such a handsome pair.
There was time or two,
and more times than you knew,
I could have danced with you upon the air.

Now a bitter wind blows
across the path we chose;
A weak and wilted rose,
‘neath broken glass and stone,
in the place we lived,
In the bed we slept,
where I sleep alone.

From sweet dreams
to a bed of thorns;
from calm waters
to a raging storm.

I studied you that last time,
your expression, every laugh line
that I used to think would never fade away.
And stuck between those naked walls,
in that awkward moment I recall,
I knew that I could never make you stay.

From sweet dreams
to a bed of thorns;
from calm waters
to a raging storm.
From calm waters . . .

And here is the band:

Acoustic Guitar: Yours Truly
Bass: Bowed Held 2483
Fiddle: 5 String Folk Long Notes 3143
Synth: ElectroFlute 2364
Strings: Pop Hall 2335
Cello: Background Slow Waltz 2557
Pedal Steel: Modern Ballad Atmosphere 2542
(Note the Cello and Pedal Steel are more cameos—almost not worth listing for how little they appear, but adding just for completeness)

(c)2020 John Vaughan/DJ Lekich

The rain at the beginning is too subtle to be useful. I had vol set at about 75% and it sounded like static/noise.
Louder and longer would establish the mood better and this be useful.
At 100% it was obvious but didn't add anything much given the short time frame etc.
The line "Pieces of you" . . .is pretty essey.
BIAB isn't very subtle with the change after "I knew that I could never make you stay."
Lovely voice, lovely albeit melancholy tone - lovely work.

Hi Deej,
I like this melancholic ballad. The cello fits very well with this kind of song. And your voice is always bringing emotion. Christian

Deej,

Nice job on the instrumentation. And a superb vocal.

A good mix.

I agree with ray regarding the rain. It doesn't do much for the beginning. It sort of works at the end, but it sounds like a "gentle rain" and not a "raging storm".

I'd go with "A Raging Storm" as a title.

fj

What a tune - really enjoyed the atmosphere this one sets. It sets a dreary mood, but given that is the desired effect it worked well. I agree with Chris, it does indeed sound melancholic. I found the vocals added a lot too.

Thanks for sharing

A sad, soft, tender ballad...
With solid lyrics
And a great vocal...
I enjoyed listening!

I agree the "rain" should either lengthened or cut...
As far as the title is concerned "Raging Storm"
Could easily be used...
However...
It seems to me that "Bed of Thorns" would also be appropriate.

Hi DJ,
Delightful song. Much enjoyed.
I like 'From Calm Waters to a Raging Storm'.
Cheers.

Deej, I don't feel the rain sound effect detracts at all and seems to set a mood for the song! You are a very good singer and you delivered a really nice performance here! Your strings and cello here are really a nice enhancement. The title Raging Storm certainly works for me! Good job! Thanks, Torrey

Deej,
I agree with Jim on the title ( and were it my song I`d flip the order of chorus lines to end with "bed of thorns")... just my 2cents.
Other thoughts, because this is a terrific write and the song deserves attention;
-the intro seemed long & rain at the start not noticeable enough to really set the mood.
-in a such a simple arrangement a little variation and build could help: I thought the electro flute could be held back `til "pieces of you".
- the last verse is powerful-going to just guitar/bass there and bringing strings etc back in for the final chorus was an idea I had.
love the song and your clear intimate vocal!

Robert

Your song works beautifully with John Vaughan's lyrics. I really enjoyed your vocals too.
With the very tasteful and subdued backing, I'd be inclined to go for Pieces of You in preference to Raging Storm.
I wouldn't bother with the rain unless you can find a more ominous storm sound.
Nice work.
Cheers,
Mike

Since it seems from my listen you've already decided on the "rain sounds" (I certainly don't miss them and think that's maybe an indication they were unnecessary).

On the title. I want to offer a completely alt: suggestion. "Calm Waters Raging". If you don't want that one, Pieces of You gets my vote.

I can well relate to what happens when you actually sit down to write. Always, the song that wants to come out will find a way to muscle past the one you're intent on doing. If it doesn't completely take over, it still makes it's presence felt in whatever you do. I'm glad you let this one happen. It's a fine one, sounds good, and left me satisfied.

Hi Deej,

You made a very nice ballad. I like your voice very much and in this song the emotions are strongly presented.
About the rain, Tangmo said the right thing. I think the observations of Ray are very good on that.
about the title, i rather keep it to how you called it now instead of raging... whatever.
The lyrics speak for themselves. A sad ended relation, no real fights anymore, just memories (maybe that could be a title?).

Hans

I've gotten to listen to two of your songs today!

Again, another excellent vocal delivery--so beautifully performed.

Production sounds good to me!

Well written, well performed.
Wonderful production.

Sad song. So engaging! Very well done. The music fits the message quite well. Great job on the vocals. Very expressive, as they should be.

I agree with Ray and Floyd about the rain.

I vote for Raging Storm.

Really nice!

Steve

That is a fine write and vocal performance.

"I studied you that last time,
your expression, every laugh line"

Great line of many. Poetic but not overly so at all.

I'm a bit late but for us the arrangement and production are spot on.

Nice!

J&B

rayc, Chris, Floyd, Derek, Jim, RichMac, Torrey, Robert, Mike, Tangmo, Hans, Ezekiel, CaptainMoto, and Steve:

Thanks for giving this slow, melancholy tune a spin . . . and glad it seemed worth the listen. Normally I respond to individual suggestions, but there’s a lot of overlap, so I think I”ll go a bit more thematically.

Re the Title of the Song: Popular vote says go with “Raging Storm”. I confess I still have my misgivings, but regardless it’s better than pieces of you. Jim, “Bed of Thorns” was my third choice, just don’t think that line stands out enough to carry the tile.

Re the Rain Effect: Consider it gone. Totally agree with rayc that it’s too brief to resonate at the start; and I agree it first sounds like static. It may work better in the end, but it’s still a bit too subtle . . . and I think going to big (think massive thunderstorm) wouldn’t work either. I added it on a lark—just not worth keeping.

Re the Arrangement: With most of my latest efforts, I’ve really tried to build as the song moved along. Less so with this effort. So, Robert, yes, I did try to hold back on a few things, but the song was too slow to keep the ear engaged, IMHO at least. So alternatively, I dropped the flute in the first verse, and then added the strings starting with “PIeces of You”. My attempt to keep it layered to some degree. Not sure I succeeded.

Thanks one and all for the kind support and great feedback. It’s so much appreciated.

My best to you all,

Deej

"From sweet dreams to a bed of thorns; from calm waters to a raging storm", very nice imagery. Musically nothing like raging so I wouldn't use Raging Storm as the title, I like Robert's idea to flip those line to end the chorus in "bed of thorns". Good band and excellent vocals, I like how the cello sets the mood.

Janne

The master of break-up songs.

1. I would vote for "Pieces of You", simply because, as you say, "Raging Storm" is not what the song feels like, to me at least. But what do I know :-)

2. I loved the rain sounds, personally - I thought they added to the atmosphere.

Loved it.

Lovely piece of music. Excellent vocal