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Hi, all: Here’s almost something new . . . and by almost, I mean that I’m not quite sure if I’m done with it . . . and by that, I mean there are other things that I’m thinking of doing with it but not sure if I should . . . which is also to say, that I’m not sure it’s even a song worth spending more time on--my answer to which changes from moment to moment. So, I figure, why not put out what I have so far for some input to help me decide? It’s about the only thing new I’ve got going, for better or worse. Thanks in advance for the listens and feedback. My best to you all, Deej Here’s the song:NEVERMORE Here are the lyrics:Hey, girl, there’s a raven at your door Speaking truths that you’ve well heard before A cheater’s proof in hand Your man doesn’t love you anymore And it’s high time you know it And the answer to the question you Have asked a million times Is the same one you’ve tried so hard to ignore There’s a message in this raven’s wings Now scream it to the skies Nevermore Hey, girl, it’s a shout out from the dark A true confession of a tell tale heart You’ve been left guessing, but now you know So blow it all apart You’ve got the strength Don’t be shy to show it Walk away, but it’s okay if you need to cry I’ll be here, ever near You can take this feathered hand And we can fly (Never more waiting in the dark Evermore in this raven’s heart) And here’s the band:RealTracks 1826: Bass, Electric, PopModernGrooveSync4s RealTracks 3182: Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm GrungeUnpluggedQuinn RealTracks 1830: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm PopModernGrooveBrightDist RealTracks 3520: Guitar, Electric, Rhythm Americana16thsDelayBrent RealTracks 1262: Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm PopShiningHeld RealDrums: RockNorthern^7
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HI Deej ...
I always look forward to a new one from you.
I enjoyed this from start to finish. I like the idea of using a raven as the messenger - unique and interesting in a most favorable way.
Nice chord pattern, too - especially in the chorus. There's just something about the I - 1V7 chord combination that piques my ears' interest. Good lyric, vocal, and arrangement. I enjoyed my listen very much. Spot-on mix, too.
This couplet is, in my opinion, the best in the lyric:
Hey, girl, it’s a shout out from the dark
A true confession of a tell tale heart
Take care ...
Alan
BIAB 2024 Ultra Plus-all StylePaks*Win11*16GB DDR5*Rhyzen 9745x*AT 2035 Mic*Peavey Nashville 112 Amp*Ibanez ART120* Acoustic/Electric/Washburn D200S Acoustic*Stromberg Monterey Jazz Guitar Loops: https://aldavidmusic.wixsite.com/bestmusicloops
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I'm on my cell phone, so I may be more succinct than usual. Where's the problem?  Listened to it only once, but enjoyed every second of it. The form is excellent, you vary things in between repetitions of the chorus and the verses in between, and that more than keeps the listener's interest. The writing is very, very good. If I am to be INCREDIBLY picky, make sure you land that falsetto note on the word "okay" It's so high! But, look, this is an excellent, really excellent song. I would put it amongst your top ones. I wouldn't change a thing, me, but (as you yourself told me many times) don't second guess your own artistic instinct. I, myself, really loved it ... and its message is original, if only because of the way it's presented in. Maybe I am easy to please, but I can't see a problem, here.
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Deej,
This is superb! Your vocal is stellar and the production is excellent. Love the song and the arrangement. Great track selection.
This was definitely worth putting out.
Bob
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Interesting and thoughtful lyric
Cool Melody that took you to the catchy chorus.
Good mix and production and your voice sounds perfect for this tune
Nice jobNice job
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Deej,
A solid track. That BAND holds together well.
Vocals are excellent - as always. Well recorded. (Stellar falsetto in the bridge!)
A "clever" write. A bit esoteric for my tastes, though. Still...well done.
A VERY catchy chorus.
You are a talent.
fj
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I can't find anything I would change, so my advice is: leave it as it is Love the lyrics and its delivery, the production and especially the chorus. Very catchy!
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Hi DJ
WOW - Really good song from the beginning to the end
Excellent vocal work
You can't get the chorus out of your head ;-)))
1A work DJ
Many greetings
Andi ;-)
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Deej,
it's excellent as it is. The lighter arrangement contrasting with the dark associations with the lyric.
ACE melody and progressions.
Superb vocal performance.
I don't know - you could try it in the BIAB Doom style for fun.
I'm sure it work a treat...can't hurt but, as it stands, this is a cool thing already.
Cheers
rayc
"What's so funny about peace, love & understanding?" - N.Lowe
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Hi Deej,
Very good song, good lyrics and well mixed.
No room for an instrumental solo?
Best Regards
Nigel
Nigel Spiers
Christchurch, New Zealand
info@nzacoustics.com
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Hi Deej,
Love this! You got your inspiration from Edgar Allan Poe I guess? Great idea, works really well.
Man, that vocal! Especially love the bridge.
Enjoyed!
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Keep at it, Deej, and soon everyone will be raven about it (couldn't help it). You know I like your voice so much that I'd listen to you sing the phone book. I really like the melody, and the band and mix are perfect. I've got nothing for ya to consider except I like Ray's suggestion to try other Styles. Not because the song needs it, but because it's fun AND it could inspire you to make a few changes --again, not that change is necessary. Next month I'll post the 3rd version of a song that will feature Ray on bass.
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Nice lyrics, I like the use of raven as the caller for liberation.
Really enjoyed the chord progression, especially the minor of verses and then the more major choruses. Catchy chorus.
Very strong vocal performance, very good work with the high notes and the backing vocals are tasty.
I don't have ideas for improvement, although reminds me of Aerosmith ballads, maybe stronger electric guitars in the chorus (+solo) might give some extra spice.
Janne
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Deej...I can't really add much to what has already been said but I would like to reiterate some of it...my first impression is what a clever write and hook...E.A.P. would be flattered...secondly I agree with Marty and Ray's thought of trying other styles for fun and you did say you weren't quite sure if it's done yet or not...I know there have been times I've done that and found something I liked better...in fact after I get my chord structure into BiaB as a regular practice I play them through as many styles as I can in search of the "one" that enhances the lyrics the best.
BUT, you don't have to change a thing to make this a great song with a cool hook and a killer vocal (as usual)!
www.soundclick.com/firesongBiaB 2024, Steinberg Cubase Pro 13, Wavelab 11.2, SpetraLayers Pro 10, Audacity, Steinberg UR44 Interface, Yamaha Genos, Roland FP60 and FP10, Windows 10 You are who you are because you do what you do because of what you believe.
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DJ, if I were you I would be "raven" about this one!
This is one outstanding song.
Fantastic vocal, backing tracks, mix, and lyrics.
I wouldn't change a thing.
Loved it.
My goal this weekend is to move just enough each day so that no one pokes me to see if I'm dead or not.
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Alan, James, Bob, Elliott, Floyd, B.D., Andi, rayc, Nigel, Dave, Marty, Janne, Dan, and Mario:
Thank you all for the listens and really helpful feedback. As you may have picked up, I wasn’t too sure about this and had mixed feelings about it . . . so your positive comments are encouraging. I’ve tweaked the mix a bit based on your comments.
One of the things I was concerned about was the abrupt start—that is, no intro. No one seemed to mind it, but I decided to add a short sound effect driven intro. I also added some beefier electric guitars into the chorus . . . and lastly, a cello. All of those those tracks are from the Doomsday style that rayc recommended. I think it all works, but I’m sure you’ll let me know if otherwise.
Some thoughts on the specific comments:
Floyd: Yeah, “esoteric” is a fair word for to describe the lyric . . . and I think that’s in part what has worried me . . . it’s not easily accessible , particularly with the Poe references. But hopefully the sound and melody compensate, and it resonates more on a further listen? Dunno.
Ray, Marty and Dan: So I did play with a number of additional styles following your comment. The Doomsday style with the cello was really cool . . . unfortunately for the verses, the chugging guitars didn’t really play the diminished chord so it wouldn’t work all the way through. But as noted above, I added the Thrash electric guitars into the chorus, and used the cello as well (with some restraint occasionally conflicted with the melody). Hopefully a good addition.
Nigel: Perhaps a function of my not being fully confident in the tune, I wanted to keep this short and sweet . . . under 3.5 minutes. Another reason I skipped the intro. But beyond that, I couldn’t find a natural place for one. The best option would have been before the bridge, but I thought that would take away from some of the song’s momentum. So, opted to do without. A good thought though.
Dave: I’m not sure I can honestly say it was inspired by Poe . . . that is, I didn't start writing the song with Poe in mind. I fell upon that opening line during my usual writing process . . . which is me strumming away on guitar while I mumble random nonsense until a line or phrase jumps out at me. But once I had the first line, I knew I wanted to incorporate more Poe elements . . . leading ultimately to the title of the song and the “tell tale heart” reference.
Janne: See above . . . stronger electrics in the chorus added . . . great suggestion!
Thanks again all . . . hope the changes are for the better.
Deej
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The chord pattern is quite impressive, particularly in the chorus. Experience the captivating allure of the I - IV7 chord progression that is sure to capture your auditory senses. Experience the perfect combination of captivating lyrics, mesmerizing vocals, and flawless arrangement. Experience the joy of listening with our exceptional audio quality. Perfectly blended, as well.
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It all sounds good to me. No, that's wrong. It sounds great to me. Clever lyrics and use of Poe. Catchy chorus. Vocal is tops, as usual.
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Deej,
You are one of my favorite vocalists here. Never a disappointing experience. Actually, I liked this tune a lot. Probably would make first 3 top songs by you on my list. Excellent lyrics, vocal performance and arrangement. The "abrupt start" you mentioned did not bother me personally at all. However if you want an opinion, there might be an easy cheat/addition to make intro a bit more smooth. After the last "knock" consider a sliding note of a bass or other instrument that would lead into the tune. In any case amazing effort and thank you for sharing.
Misha.
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Hey DJ,
Great song man. All of your stuff has a real classic old school radio vibe.
Love it..
Excellent production and vocals.
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