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Joined: Nov 2025
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https://www.johnwalradt.com/music/songs/brains4bible-master_aug16.mp3This satirical song isn't for everyone for sure. After years of churches and bars, I haven't stepped into either for years and never will again. Both are the same, the only difference are the drinks they serve. Eventually I'll put it on my "Pressing the Buttons" album. All instruments are from Band in a Box. I typed in Paul Simon's "Loves Me Like a Rock" to choose the instrument style. Vocals are mine that I sent into Audimee which converted them into the raspy screwball sounding vocal of "Ralph." Style is _TRIUMPH.STY (Triumph Breezy Jazz Pop Swing) RealTracks in style: 2664:Bass, Electric, RockNRollBritSwing2Feel Sw 140 RealTracks in style: 2814:Piano, Acoustic, Rhythm GospelSwingMike Sw 140 RealTracks in style: 3402:Guitar, Acoustic, Rhythm SwingHardFingerStrum Sw 140 RealTracks in song: 3537:Vocals, Background GospelCoolLow2 Sw16 075 RealDrums in style:RockabillySlowSwing^01-a: Brushes, No Kick , b: Brushes, Kick I'M GOING TO TRADE MY BRAINS FOR A BIBLE Words and music by John Walradt I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land I'm gonna be some kind of religious kook In an all-star Christian band I'll be strict and narrow minded Pretend everything is grand I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land! I'll find me a Christian woman Who will love me in the name of the lord She better keep herself fit and trim Or she's headed out the door! She'll cook and clean and give me sex Worship everything that I do 'Cause woman was made to serve a man And that's in the Bible, too! I'll believe every word I'm spoon fed I wont have a rational thought of my own 'Cause I've got the right equipment That guarantees my heavenly home I'll be a prophet making a profit When I grab that microphone I'll tell you you're going straight to hell Because your soul is still on loan! I'm gonna mount my platinum records It will be a shrine unto the Lord I'll buy me that great big pickup truck Sittin' high on the showroom floor I'm gonna live the abundant life That the good book promised me Just look at them big juicy sirloin tips The purty waitress brings to me! Yep, I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land I'm gonna be some kind of religious kook In an all-star Christian band I'll be strict and narrow minded Pretend everything is grand I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land! Yes, I'm gonna trade my brains for a Bible And head off to the promised land!
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Well, you managed to check off every non-PC box with this one.
Sounds good.
You can find my music at: www.herbhartley.comAdd nothing that adds nothing to the music. You can make excuses or you can make progress but not both. The magic you are looking for is in the work you are avoiding.
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Hi John.
These lyrics must have taken you ages to write. They very cleverly put together. I love the up-tempo swing feel. Your whole presentation was great. I imagine that this song could polarize people but in many ways, that's one of the things music does best; it forces people to form and to reassess opinions and, where needed, to adjust points view.
--Noel
MY SONGS...Audiophile BIAB 2026
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John, one thing music can do is to bring out emotions and since this is not even close to being PC I'm sure you'll get some negative feedback.
I liked the vocal FX, backing band, and mix.
Dad, how will I know when I've become an adult.
When your day is ruined because they rearranged the grocery store.
64 bit Win 10 Pro, the latest BiaB/RB, Roland Octa-Capture audio interface, a ton of software/hardware
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Well, as someone who personally loves what Jesus was supposed to have actually taught (according to the four "recognized" gospels) ... ... I LOVED the lyrics of this song. Absolutely LOVED them. Nothing worse than a pharisaical vision of religion, any religion ... and Jesus himself warned against such people, time and time again. "The zeal for My house devoureth Me", and all that. But that's just my take on it, and the last thing I want is to add fuel to the fire, so I'll leave it at this  The song itself is so well written and narrated, too. Bravo.
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Hi, John.
Good write, but it felt like the piano in the left channel was sort fighting the rhythm.
Speaking of platinum records, I wonder how many award winners play those "platinum" records to see what random record they used in the award.
-- David Cuny My virtual singer development blogVocal control, you say. Never heard of it. Is that some kind of ProTools thing?BiaB 2025 | Windows 11 | Reaper | Way too many VSTis.
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Very clever song with nice audio production.
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Holy Life of Brian, Batman! Competent, cool and un-cool all at once. That's a delicate balance for sure.
The BiaB backing track provides a steady bed for the tune. The track is well-mixed, too. Ralph sounds like he tripped over a few of the lines, but that technology will get better fast for sure. Am thinking it would be more enjoyable to hear you sing this for now. Just me.
Tricky topic, boldly maneuvered.
DC Ron
BiaB Audiophile
Presonus Studio One
ASUS I9-12900K DAW, 32 GB RAM
Presonus Faderport 16
Too many guitars (is that a thing?)
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HA! Man, people really don't like to talk to me about religion very long. It's because I question everything. This is perfect for those arguments, John. Very funny indeed. Good vocal too. It's the kind of song that fits well in a sing-along.
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Great production. I had to look up Audimee to see the software you were referencing. It seems to have a good job putting a character into your voice. I liked that effect you put on the vocal on the last line of the song. I think Jim Bakker, Jimmy Swaggert, and Ernerst Angley would love this song. 
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I thought I'd wait awhile to see how this parody that satirizes the social structures widely accepted as normal would go over. I have ten such songs. In this song, it's about people who use their professed faith for their own power, greed, and excuses. When I draw comic strips or write songs that are parodies, I'm the one who will declare that the emperor has no clothes! Frank Zappa was a master at this kind of songwriting. He could write a catchy tune that captured the emotional feel of his lyrics which very much amplified the emotion of his songs that could either delight, offend, or make you say, "Well, ain't that the truth!"
DCuny, Good observation on the real tracks piano. I'll listen to it more closely. Could even be the vocal it's fighting.
Mario, I agree wholeheartedly. Songs that point out in satire, especially ones that get into politics or religion, is like stepping on the social mine field. Well, must be the cartoonist in me.
GHacker, almost every box! Yeee-haaa! Git along little dogies! Anyway, I was also happy with the sound and production. Band in a Box makes such good tracks that very few mixing tricks have to be done on them, if at all.
Musician17, you're absolutely correct. Any popular belief system is vulnerable to becoming polluted. Greed and power always steps in. Thank you for your insights and compliments!
DC, I originally sang it but with each revision, the microphone always made each clip sound different. Maybe I'll try it as a whole again. But I thought it would fit well to have a comical vocal, too. Ralph is one of the selections in Audimee but you must provide your own vocal! I'm okay with that. I do prefer an actual human recording, though. Yep, it was tricky but I tend to go full speed ahead and write words to hit the target.
Marty, because I have autism, for some reason I'm easy to pick out even though I don't want to be, and that's what happened in churches when a visiting evangelist or some group leader wanted to make an example and humiliate someone, besides being berated by individuals in the churches. Heck, I could get that kind of treatment in bars! I saw how men loved to use their superiority and the women who wanted to be part of their power...and how you had to "fit in" to be accepted.
Noel, yep! Took years of experiences and that's how I came to write the song.
Eze, the fadeout at the end seemed appropriate. The character of Ralph seemed to fit. I like the fact that Audimee is royalty-free, that the people who actually record sounds for them are paid for what they do, and that they are individual sounds as Band in a Box are individual sounds and are not culled from complete recordings made by other artists. Oh, and maybe Oral Roberts might have, too.
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With Band-in-a-Box® 2026, we've released 202 incredible new RealTracks (in sets 468-488) in a variety of genres—featuring your most requested styles!
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Our new jazz, funk & blues RealTracks include a groovin’ collection of RealTracks and RealDrums! These include more requested “soul jazz” RealTracks featuring artists Neil Swainson (bass), Charles Treadway (organ), Brent Mason (guitar), and Wes Little (drums). There are new “smooth jazz” styles (4), which include a RealTracks first: muted trumpet, as well as slick new smooth jazz brushes options for drums. Blues lovers will be thrilled—there are more “classic acoustic blues” styles, including guitar (5), bass (4), and drums (10) with blues master Colin Linden, featuring understated and tasty background acoustic soloing, plus brushes drums and acoustic bass. There are also new electric blues RealTracks, including electric blues with PG favorite Johnny Hiland (3) and soulful electric slide guitar from Colin Linden (4). If you love funk & gospel, there are great new options this year, including gospel organ (3) from Charles Treadway, as well as new funk, tango, and rock ’n’ roll drums (3) and bass (1). And for big, bold arrangements, we have uptempo soul horns (4) featuring a three-part hip horn section with options for a full mix or stems of each individual horn — plus an accompanying rhythm section (4) of drums, bass, guitar, and electric piano!
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Our new rock & pop RealTracks bring a powerful mix of requested favorites, fresh genres, and modern chart-inspired styles! We have more of our popular “Producer Layered Acoustic Guitars (15)” featuring Band-in-a-Box favorite Brent Mason. We’ve continued our much-requested disco styles (10), and added new Celtic guitar (5) with a more basic, accessible approach than our previous Drop-D or DADGAD offerings. There are also highly requested yacht rock styles (17), inspired by the smooth, polished soft-rock sound of the late ’70s and early ’80s — laid-back grooves, silky electric pianos, warm textures, elegant harmonic movement, and pristine production aesthetics. Fans of heavier styles will love our new glam metal (13), capturing the flashy, high-energy sound of ’80s arena-ready guitar rock. We also have a set of rootsy modern-folk rock (18), with a warm, organic sound combining contemporary folk textures and driving acoustic strumming. And we’ve added lots of new modern pop styles (16) — the kinds of sounds you’re hearing on the radio today, featuring exciting new drums, synths, and cutting-edge RealTracks arrangements.
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Our new country & Americana RealTracks deliver a rich collection of acoustic, electric, and roots-inspired styles! We have new country pop (9) with legendary guitarist Brent Mason. There is also a potpourri (14) of bouzouki, guitars, banjo, and more, perfect for adding texture and character to contemporary acoustic arrangements. We’ve added funky country guitar (5) with PG favorite Brent Mason, along with classic pedal steel styles (5) featuring steel great Doug Jernigan. There are more country songwriter styles (8) that provide intimate, rootsy foundations for storytelling and modern Americana writing. Finally, we have “background soloing” acoustic guitar (12) with Brent Mason — simpler, but still very tasty acoustic lines designed to sit beautifully behind vocals or act as a subtle standalone solo part.
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- MIDI Styles Set 92: Look Ma! More MIDI 15: Latin Jazz
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 46: Piano & Organ
- Instrumental Studies Set 24: Groovin' Blues Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 19: Songs with Vocals 9
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- MIDI Styles Set 93: Look Ma! More MIDI 16: SynthMaster
- MIDI SuperTracks Set 47: More SynthMaster
- Instrumental Studies 25 - Soul Jazz Guitar Soloing
- Artist Performance Set 20: Songs with Vocals 10
- RealDrums Stems Set 10: Groovin' Sticks
- SynthMaster Sounds & Styles Set 2 (sounds & styles with audio demos)
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XPro Styles PAKs are styles that work with any version (Pro, MegaPAK, UltraPAK, UltraPAK+, or Audiophile Edition) of Band-in-a-Box® 2025 (or higher). XPro Styles PAKS 1-10 includes 1,000 styles!
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Band-in-a-Box 2026 for Mac Videos
With the release of Band-in-a-Box® 2026 for Mac, we’re rolling out a collection of brand-new videos on our YouTube channel. We’ll keep this forum post updated so you can easily find all the latest videos in one convenient spot.
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